For most today is a run-of-the-mill Wednesday. A typical “hump day” that is so ordinary that it will be forgotten by almost everyone the instant tomorrow arrives.
That’s not the case for me. Certainly not so for Ryan.
The morning of the attack. Ryan clings to life.
It just so happens that this Wednesday — today — marks exactly 4½ years since Ryan was so brutally beaten. It was 1,644 days ago that Austin Issac Vantrease and Jonathan Matthew May destroyed my son’s brain and left him for dead on the cold parking lot gravel. Then only to cower behind a dumpster until they hear the police and ambulance sirens. Then they run and hide from the damage they caused.
Nothing has changed in how they have behaved since.
No matter how many days have come and gone, the agony and despair never relent. It just keeps getting worse as hope gets chipped away. There is no mercy.
All those mornings when I started a new day. Each feels as surreal as those before. It as though I’m living a nightmare, screaming for someone to wake me. For anyone to assure me this is all just a bad dream… that Ryan is fine.
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As a Mom to two, I cannot imagine what goes through your head, your hearts, on a daily basis. My thoughts & prayers are always with you & your beautiful family. Please, let us know when & if there is ever anything that my family can do to help yours. Thinking of your family & your handsome Ryan always.
We think about Ryan everyday and we pray for him to improve. What happens through senseless violence is so unfair. I hope Ryan’s relevance through social media can raise peoples awareness and serve as a deterrent when they learn the damage it can cause. God bless you.
May the Angels surround Ryan with their healing love….Bless all of you…
small gesture…sending love everyday.
Love and more love every day.
Still here, still praying, never going away
So true, Austin and Jon are still hiding with the trash. Always thibnking of you.
Sending my love to each of you. I saw Sue Wednesday morning and evening – must be time for a visit!
There are so many people hurting in this world and I guess all we can do is be there to support each other. Sending you love and hugs! Hope it helps.
I wish I knew what to say. I wish, like so many others, I could wave a magic wand or something and make it all better. You continue in my prayers & are uplifted every Wednesday via Deacon Sue & our Prayer Table to the Anglican Communion worldwide. A LOT of prayers and love are going out for you all. I cannot know your pain. it is palpable, Ken. Again, Ken, my brother, I have faith that, in the end, God WILL “Set all things right in heaven and on earth.” as He promised. God will take care of these2 young men. Just as my now late brother in law believed that the drunken kid–didn’t know who he was, where he was–who drove up on the lawn of one of my brother in law’s closest friends & killed him will face that Judge. They were a tight knit group,. went to school together, fought in Korea together, alternated best man/groomsmen etc. at each other’s weddings. Bad things, unfortunately, do happen to good people. We will have to wait till the next life to understand the reasons for such suffering, good people like Ryan, e.g., and for God to make all things right. God bless & keep you. I’m sure Ryan feels the love you have. Only God knows what he perceives, senses. But he feels your unwavering LOVE.
My heart breaks every time I read your posts. We have two horrible things in common. My step-brother was taunted, and shot by strangers several years ago. He died immediately. In 2012, my son fell down the stairs and suffered a devastating TBI 17 months ago. I relate to you anger and anguish for your son, and I relate to the feelings of what can happen when young people make one horrible choice that changes the lives of people that they don’t even know. I am so sorry. Ryan is so fortunate to have you all. You are doing a great job at letting people into your world. <3
“No matter how many days have come and gone, the agony and despair never relent. It just keeps getting worse as hope gets chipped away. There is no mercy.” Ken, I repeat myself again and again, but I can’t help that-you are truly one of the greatest, most loving, devoted people I know. There truly aren’t enough words strong enough nor adequate enough to describe you. When you say that “hope gets chipped away”, that really got me. All we have is hope, Ken, so please, no matter how down and low you feel, never lose that hope. You have been a 24-7 caregiver to Ryan and there is NO role more taxing, draining, exhausting, yet rewarding role on this earth. Ryan is here because of the excellent, constant care you shower him with. I do not know how you do this. I was a caregiver for my brother for 2 yrs and it was the most “work” I’ve ever done in my life. And here you are, doing this for 4 1/2 yrs, 24-7, you are the most SELFLESS, compassionate human being on earth, you are truly amazing. You keep your boy in tip top shape and not even a team of 20 could do what you do, Ken. I know so many days you must feel hopeless, of course, you want Ryan to have what he deserves-LIFE, a young man’s life. We all pray for the day Ryan will recover, Ken, just think about people who have been in comas for 20 yrs and come out of it. It’s rare, but it HAS HAPPENED, there is a word MIRACLE for a reason and I pray that Ryan becomes one of them. Hang in there, I know all the followers of Ryan’s Rally would love nothing more than to give you and Sue a much deserved break in whatever way we could, and we’d love to throw in the biggest group hug ever!! In my heart, I truly believe that things will turn out good-you are the epitome of “family love” and a beyond fantastic dad, so I can’t help but believe that you will be rewarded with nothing monetary, but everything you dream of-Ryan’s Recovery. Hang in there and please keep the hope, don’t ever lose it. We all love you guys so much.
We never forget about Ryan, or what you and your family are enduring every day. I pray that you will all make some wonderful new memories in Morgantown as you celebrate Kari’s graduation in the next few days. Stay strong, Divineys — you still got this!
Hugs to you !! I am sorry I can’t make this go away too 🙁
It’s hard every day and I feel for all. My brother is a Quadrepeligic on a vent as a result of a tragic accident 4 1/2 years ago. My mom is the sole caregiver. Finding help is so hard and it shouldn’t be. I want to change this for all who need it. We are here to help each other. I pray each day it’s a dream but it’s not. So I concentrate on how I can help and what my brother age 33 needs
Ryans story is so heartbreaking,u r my thoughts ryan.xx
Love and prayers everyday
Oh how my heart hurts for you. Praying, as always.
Love, carla
Perhaps I’ve missed it, but please let us know if there is anything we can do in regard to the upcoming parole hearing.
…Angry all over again for Ryan, You, Sue & Kari…I wish the difficult reality of this didn’t exist. We need to stay UNITED at the very least to keep Ryan relevant. We need to help with Ryan’s wish list, we need to rally donations, we need to post his story frequently on Facebook, we need to Sign the petition each & every year, we need to coordinate more fund raisers to provide a morsel of financial relief just as was done 4 1/2 years ago when the shock, outrage, helplessness and outpouring of support was fresh. We can’t forget and we need to remind Ken of that to give him a flicker of sun!!!
Hi Ken, I feel this pain too and you’re right, it never goes away, how could it, this is your beloved son that was so brutally attacked. The sorrow of it could sweep over you like an enormous suffocating tidal wave and smother you in dark drowning anguish and despair. Ryan was hurt in a way that makes every parent shudder and feel sickened. This is the reality. Also reality is that all of us love and care about you, Ryan, Sue and Kari. We’re here and we’re not leaving. Ryan is progressing on his timetable and thanks to your strength, courage and devotion he has the chance to continue making progress. I have not lost faith at all. So here, take our hands and let us help to pull you through this. Hold on to the lifeline and don’t ever think for one moment we’ll let go. Ryan is worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears, and he is still here with us doing his best and working hard every day to overcome. You have honored his tenacity and bravery by standing by him one thousand percent, and we honor you for doing so.
Sending you big hugs, love, encouraging thoughts and great respect for you and your family. God is present in this nightmare, as difficult as it is to believe. I don’t know much else, but I do know this. I am keeping the faith for Ryan 100%.
Praying for comfort and peace for you dear friend.
Paula
Ken I feel your pain. I so wish Ryan would progress faster and you could celebrate his recovery. My heart breaks every time I read what you are going through. 8 years ago I had NO idea Corey would come as far as he has so my feelings and thoughts were as yours are today. Although my sons accident is not the same as the horrible way Ryan got a TBI I too felt I was in a nightmare. Sometime even now I have this overwhelming feeling that this is just a nightmare and Corey is in Maryland working for the Library of Congress as his plans were before that night. I think he might have a little boy or girl that I get to visit and be grandma to. But then it all hits me and I know it’s another day. I worry about what will happen to Corey if I am gone. I have done so much to keep him out of a nursing home and can’t bare to think of him spending his last days in one. I can’t stand to think of someone else taking care of him. I push my thoughts back so I can go on each day and give him the best care I can. I so feel helpless when I read your thoughts. I am a fixer. I feel like I should make everything right for everyone. I can’t help you and it is so hard to admit it. I’m an advocate for TBI survivors and their families, I’m helping moms and dads get their loved one out of nursing homes. They may not be TBIs but getting them out is all I care about. I find resources for as many as I can. Ramps, roll in showers grants and funding but I can not help you..
It’s hard every day and I feel for all. My brother is a Quadrepeligic on a vent as a result of a tragic accident 4 1/2 years ago. My mom is the sole caregiver. Finding help is so hard and it shouldn’t be. I want to change this for all who need it. We are here to help each other. I pray each day it’s a dream but it’s not. So I concentrate on how I can help and what my brother age 33 needs
To the two posters above, you and your families are true heros.(as is Ryan’s family) Please keep the faith and know that we are sending prayers of comfort and support. You are doing the right thing and I pray that I would have the strength to do this if I needed to.
In our thoughts and prayers as always. Hoping that the day comes soon that the Diviney family will have Ryan back!
IT JUST HURTS! I feel an over-whelming sadness for Ryan that his life has been on hold all these years. Of course, I know that your life is on hold as well,since you have the full responsibility of caring for him. I know it helps to know that so many supporters care. I just wish that somehow you could get a break, but I don’t know how this can be accomplished. If anyone out here does know, will you please pass Ken and Sue the information?