Before getting into my information, everyone who visits this site must know how deeply and sincerely we appreciated your support of my family and son. It continues to amaze me how communities surrounded, protected, and provided for my family. Ryan received the best care possible and this would never have been possible without kind and loving people. So, thanks to all prayer warriors, meal providers, donations, lawn care, Christmas lighting, cards and letters, West Virginia University, Morgantown, Morgantown Police, Ruby Memorial Hospital, Kessler, Ashburn, Northern Virginia, Washington D.C. metro area, media, doctors, nurses, aides, errand runners, attorneys, house cleaners, equipment assemblers, ramp builders, billboard advertisers, family, fraternities and sororities, fundraiser organizers and attendees, FaceBook followers, website administrators, dog watchers, CNN, WTS, therapists, emergency transports, and the many others.
I am Ryan’s father, Ken. It was a labor of love for us to tend for our son. No doubt, it was tiring and endless but not in earnest. Ryan was in the best possible condition, given the severity of his injury. Please know it was therapy for me to work with Ryan as much as possible. I was most at peace with what happened to him when I was touching him. He, like my daughter and wife, continued to show their strength and resilience. As I say, they are made of the right stuff.
I took over this blog in mid-December, 2010. Prior to this it was being administered by a friend and co-worker. I had found it to be helpful and therapeutic to share myself in this format. I will stay with it as long as there is interest. I hope I will be with it for the rest of my life, where the posts continue to convey Ryan’s legacy.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about this whole forgiveness and punishment concept that people keep telling me I need to do. Here’s how I feel. The person that can forgive Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May for what they did to Ryan, is Ryan. That is, if he chooses while in eternity.
As far as me moving on (forgiving them), in many ways, I don’t see how that would be healing. It would be like having to sit down and say “Ryan, I am okay now with what they did to you” and why should I EVER feel that way? I don’t have the time or energy to actively hate Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May, so I don’t think it will eat a hole through me. But if they pass through my mind, then hey, I am okay with whatever feelings I have. Frankly I resent the hell out of them, for what they did to me, precious Ryan, my family, Ryan’s friends, and for what they brought into his mom’s and sister’s life. Yep, pretty sure I can’t relieve them of accountabilty.
Dr. Petit was on the Today Show a week before we were early on in Ryan’s injury. His whole family was killed and this is what he said on forgiveness when Oprah asked him in an interview if he forgave them: “I don’t think you can forgive the ultimate evil. You can forgive someone that steals your car. You can forgive someone that slaps you in the face. I think forgiving the essence of evil is not appropriate.”
Bottom line is, I hate this. I understand that believing in God is a struggle for me right now, but that is why I have people believing for me. I don’t know if God allowed this to happen. I don’t know if God can fix this. I don’t know if God is paying attention. I don’t know if there even is a God.
Since Ryan left us on August 31, 2019 the relentless heartache remains intense. I miss him so much.
I do believe that whatever dictates our existence brought an amazing community into my life to give my family comfort. The most comforting words to hear and see are “Still here, always here, forever”.