I wonder what she’s dreaming?
Sue (and the woofers) cuddle Ryan.
If often think about this when I’m padding around the house in the middle of the night and my wife, Sue, is sleeping. Sometimes I actually know… and that’s worse. Much worse. These are the times when she moans. Or cries out. Or a tear rolls down her check.
Sadly, I know just what is playing in her mind. I know this even though we have never shared our dreams since Ryan was brutally beaten (by Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May, both of Newark, Delaware). It’s that dream that all is well, but she know better. It’s the dream that hell has in syndication, for our viewing pleasure. A recurring rerun that is meant to hurt upon waking.
What happened to her, our family, and Ryan is constantly tormenting. Even in slumber. I liken it to the unrestful, uneasy sleep when sick with the flu because most people can relate to that. It’s the undercurrent that something is just not right, even when your dreams try to convince otherwise.
Is she dreaming as I dream? The one that comes in two basic forms. Either that Ryan is still young and this hasn’t happened yet, or he is miraculously healed? Life is good again, until…
The real world comes into focus. After all this time, it still takes a minute to grasp the situation when waking-up. Yes, this really did happen. No, Ryan is not young. No, he hasn’t recovered.
How will we make it through another day?
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Your story is heartbreaking:( looking at Ryan in that condition and then how he was before the attack is so sad. Your love for him is evident in the wonderful care you provide him. Your family is strong and amazing. There is always hope, for you and Ryan!
The level of violence in those two boys is sickening. Since I am a parent, I feel I can say…I blame their parents! Did they not notice their sons behavior? temper? Loser friends? That is your responsibility as a parent!
Your doing everything right. Your loving your son, getting him the best possible new treatments available and making it through each day.As a nurse, I know how hard the day to day care is. Your stronger than you think. Pray, keep hope and keep doing what your doing because.. you and your family are amazing!
My thoughts and prayers stay with Ryan. God Bless. Karen
You and your family are in my prayers.
Paula i am sorry if i offended the Diviney family or you since that was not my intent. We often forget that Mary looked upon her Son being tortured and crucified and yet she still comes to us, asking and showing us the way to her Son Jesus. Additionally, when we forgive we release the anger and hatred caused by those that perpetrated violence against those we love and ourselves. And through this sadness God is using the Diviney family as an example of unconditional love for their son Ryan. Lastly, just as God loves each of us even when we cause pain and sadness to others, we are called to forgive and love one another unconditionally!
i woke up today not in the best mood …clicked on my computer, got on facebook and bang ryan’s rally post rite in front of me, then i realized how lucky i am to even be able to use computer…god bless you all and you are in my thoughts and prayers
Your family is in our prayers everyday.
Keeping your family in prayer.
What an amazing picture of family! If only every person with a TBI would have the love and personal care of family that Ryan has. He is truly blessed to be a Diviney.
Lou, sir, its difficult to forgive and pray for those that harmed someone that you love, when agony and pain stare you in the face. I am a Christian too, however, I would never tell a grieving father, mother, or sister to do that. Not yet. Too fresh and too agonizing. If that time ever comes, the Diviney’s will decide and I for one will not tell them any different. I pray for them.
Ken, I know you have pain, somehow your pain is easier for me to understand or compartmentalize. You get angry, you get pissed, you vent, you blast back the idiots. I can see your pain. But I think you said sometimes you just don’t have the time to think about it because you are too busy with everything Ryan needs.
Kari’s pain isn’t anything I can even imagine. I just can’t even comprehend it.
Sue’s pain breaks my heart and crushes me. She can’t get away from it because she has to keep going to support everyone. This proves what I have felt about her all along. Sue is the most amazing mother, woman and wife I have ever heard about. She doesn’t deserve this, none of your do and those horrible words like “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” is crap.
Thanks for providing these wonderful tender but raw moments.
Dear Ken and Sue and family, As I sit hear with my husband of 37 years finally getting some rest, he has terminal cancer, which I think makes me feel your pain more and that’s probably true for a lot of people who follow Ryan’s journey who have lost ones they love. I doubt if Ryan would want you to be this unhappy. Please try to keep your marriage strong because that is also vital for Ryan’s recovery, You are doing a great job but you both need to continue take time away from Ryan to just be Ken and Sue! Please do this, My heart breaks for you all every time I read a emotional post. Sending love and hugs! Wish there was more I could do but a post.
I love you all!
Prayers for the strength to get through today and the next and the next!
Always here Ken,Sue,Ryan and Kari.Thoughts and prayers being sent and praying for healing and peace Love Gail
My heart breaks anew each time I read your posts. How will you make it through another day? The same way you made it through the last one. With love and hope in your heart, with determination beyond human imagination, and with faith in God that you don’t even realize you have. I mentioned this to you before, Ken. You do it because that’s who you are. It’s part of you — your very fiber. Each of us does it a little differently, but we plow through the pain and agony and get ourselves ready for what may come. We’re prepared for less, but we’re hoping for more. God bless you, Ryan, Sue, Kari and Team Diviney. Still here, still praying, not going anywhere. Always!
Love and prayers.
<3 xoxoxox <3
<3 xoxoxox <3
Words cannot express my sympathy for what each of you live with each and every day. It hurts me to the core of my being. Please know you are all thought of often and prayed for daily. Love and blessings to ALL of you and hang in there and keep up the good fight.
I read your posts, but I rarely comment. Like everyone else, I have no magic words. I have no special potion. What I have is a knowledge that the God that I serve is carrying you all through this. I often wonder why good families and good people suffer. And I have to remind myself that the question should be why not. I am so sorry that this is the life you all have to live. I cannot imagine imagine your pain, exhaustion, or frustration. But with each post, I know your love for your child, your wife, your family. I know the magnitude of your perseverance as you continue to seek legal justice-even knowing it will never be enough. I know you will get through this day and the days to come just as you have gotten through the others-by being there for Ryan, by holding on to each other, by taking it hour by hour, and sometimes-second by second. I pray for your family-for a miracle that awakens Ryan and makes him whole again. I also pray for the Van Trease and May family. I can’t fathom the darkness that lives within an entire family that doesn’t say, “I love you, but you were wrong. Accept responsibility. Be accountable.” Continued prayers to you and your family.
Well said — I echo your sentiments. Stay stong in your love and devotion for one another and we will continue to lift you up in prayer for God’s strength and provision as Ryan heals, Divineys. You will make it through another day as you have from the beginning, moment by moment. Know that you are loved and supported by so many. Never giving up hope for Ryan’s recovery <3
You’re in my thoughts and prayers, every day.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers, every day.
Pray and forgive those that harmed Ryan. And every day extend your hands over Ryan and faithfully pray for Ryan to be healed in the name of Jesus. Everything is possible through God!
I cannot imagine your pain and suffering, but in my the difficult times of my life such as now while I am unemployed I turn to The Divine Mercy and I say I Trust in Jesus. I will keep Ryan, Sue and you In my prayers and suffering offerings. Also, I recently read a book titled Waking Up In Heaven that I thought might help.
How I wish I could give you all a big hug right now! I know well the kind of feeling that you write about, because I am feeling it right now! It hurts! You are in my prayers. Sending love across the Potomac. <3
Praying for peace for your family. Our family faces a different kind never ending pain after losing our son at age 23. May God Bless you all!
I wish I knew the right words to say…will continue to hope and pray for Ryan and the family.
I wish I knew the right words to say…will continue to hope and pray for Ryan and the family.