It went too fast. It always does.
Today is the last day of winter break and my daughter, Kari, is heading back to West Virginia University. She returns with a solid 4.0 GPA in her major and minor. Ryan would be so proud! What’s so different about this one is it is her last one ever. In four months — almost to the day — she will be walking down the aisle to accept her diploma. Something that was denied to my son because of the wrath of Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May (both of Newark, Delaware).
Kari at her high school graduation (2010). I had to watch it from a video feed in Ryan’s hospital room.
I’m already worrying how we’ll pull it off to attend her graduation. Will either Sue or I need to miss it to stay back with Ryan? Will it be similar to her high school graduation where I watched it from a hospital room as it streamed over the internet? And, if we are able to figure out a way to take Ryan, how will the logistics come together? The planning for this outing is monumental.
Then there’s the things that nobody would think. Will the applause repeatedly startle Ryan? What would we do if he needs suctioning during the ceremony? The list just goes on and on.
I guess I’m more than worried about that day… I’m scared.
Sure, it’s one of those times when the family should all be together. A day of celebration and doting. All the pomp and circumstance a person can tolerate. We should not be constantly worried about creating a scene. We should have the freedom to spend the night beforehand and take our daughter out to dinner afterwards. Eh, it’s just not possible.
No sense wishing for the impossible.
Related articles
Thank you GOD for connecting Renie with the Diviney Family!!!
So so happy that this may work out after all. AAAAAH!!!!
Prayers for a positive outcome on ALL FRONTS!!!
XOXOXXO
ALways, Forever, Until
Keri, My C.F. FRANKIE and Family
Oh, Kenneth! This is so exciting! We have no doubt, IT WILL HAPPEN! Thank you, good Lord for bringing it all together.
Another thought: our setup is such that you could actually host a small graduation party for Kari with Ryan right there in the middle of it. Grill some burgers, pop open some beer, laugh (and maybe cry a little) surrounded by friends and family. It would be May, so contagion wouldn’t be a huge issue.
I don’t mean to harp on this, but the idea excites me.
Renie,
I sent you an email. I’m excited to look into making this happen.
I also live in Morgantown. If there is anything I can do to help, I am more than willing! I’m not a nurse but I can make phone calls or help with logistics or anything really! I continue to pray for Ryan and the entire family. I’m also excited for Kari. My graduation was in the WVU coliseum and it is something I’ll never forget!
Ken, I can’t imagine that WVU will not make a special accommodation for your family… the time to ask is now. It’s never too early…
Jenny, small world! my daughter does inpatient PT at HealthSouth, but she’s only been there since 2010. If I understand correctly, the PTs are in teams, and she’s on the TBI/CSI/stroke team.
Ken, outside of an actual hospital or rehab facility — which have their own drawbacks — you couldn’t do better than my parents’ apartment. If you want to explore this, please contact me. In terms of nurses or aides, I know all the agencies in Morgantown, but your best bet is going private. THIS IS DO-ABLE. I knew there was a reason I haven’t given away my mom’s Hoyer lift yet. This is it.
Sounds like “Renie” has a great set up! I wonder if I know her daughter. I was a TBI PT in Morgantown at HealthSouth MtView for 5 yrs (1995-2000). I so hope that you can all be there as a family. How exciting for Kari! What is her major? Will double up on my positive energy to the Diviney fam. RYAN IS RELEVANT!
Congrats on the graduation. All of us at
http://facebook.com/victims.support/
Are proud of your whole family. I pray that they will one day be able tohelp your son.
Hi Ken,
First off – that you are in this dilemma still frosts me to this day. No person should have to be thrust into a situation like this. It is simply heartbreaking.
Secondly, I too, want to congratulation Miss Kari on her phenomenal grades. What a remarkable young lady she is!!! WTG Kari!!!
Finally – let’s make this a reality for you. Let’s see if we can’t get a few nurses to accompany you*** so that you can take Ryan. I’m sure that WVU will be able assist in providing accomodations for you.
***If we need to do a special fundraiser to cover the nurse fee, please let us know and perhaps we can start coordinating bake sales or craft fairs or something. Now would also be a great time for those who have been wanting to help (but haven’t been able to) to plan a little something in their home towns to benefit Ryan.
Whatchya think, folks???
Love,
carla
If you want to bring Ryan, you can stay in my parents’ apartment. You’ve seen it: it has its own private entrance, is completely wheelchair accessible, has a couple of hospital beds, a roll-in shower, its own kitchen, and even its own washer and dryer. We have an alternating-pressure, low-air-loss mattress that isn’t as cool as yours, but it should work just fine short term.
If he needs suctioning during the ceremony, you just wheel over to a relatively isolated place and suction. I’ve done for my mom; it’s no big deal. He has a portable suction machine, doesn’t he? You should be able to get seats that accommodate Ryan’s needs; if you have any trouble, let me know and I’ll tell you how we managed to get Mama right down on Mountaineer field to see her granddaughter on homecoming court. (Just gotta know the right people to talk to.)
I know aides who could come in the nights you’re here so you could get some rest. It would be like what I imagine you do now. You, Ryan, and the aide would all be in the same room. You could catch a few zzz’s knowing she’s there to watch over both of you, and my husband and I would be upstairs, ready to jump in if needed. We can all suction, know the ins and outs of ambulance transfer in case of a problem, and the aide and I have both handled catheters and ventilators. (I know Ryan doesn’t use a vent, but I mean to show that we’re comfy with medical procedures and have excellent sterile/clean technique.)
Really, this should be altogether possible. There’s no reason that you, Sue, and Ryan can’t all sit together, watching this milestone.
Oh, and I’m absolutely positive that my daughter, a physical therapist at a rehab hospital in Morgantown, would say, “Count on me too! I can help with home care, if needed, and I’d be happy to come along to the ceremony and other events to help with transfers and such.” Perhaps best of all, she’s absolutely fierce in her advocacy for people with disabilities, so if anyone tried to give you grief, she’d be on ’em like white on rice.
I am sure if there is any possible way to pull this off, Ken will think of it. You and Sue must be so proud of Kari. We look forward to celebrating with you all post-graduation.
We are all still here.
Perhaps you should contact the University about your dilemma and/or concerns. They may have the resources already available to make this happen or collectively you may come up with something to make this dream a reality. I know I’m not alone in my wish that this happens for each of you. My prayers will also include that you be able to share in Kari’s much warranted celebration as the beautiful, loving and strong family that the Diviney’s have proven themselves to be.
With love and in prayer for Ryan’s Healing and for each of your continued strength and peace,
Always, Forever and Until
XOOXXO
Keri, MY C.F. FRANKIE and Family
See if where graduation is held they have a sound booth they would allow you to sit with Ryan, muffling the sound and keeping him away from the large crowd/germs. We let an autistic child do that once for a Disney show because large crowds stressed him out. Love all.
Congrats to Kari for an outstanding accomplishment!. 4.0 in both major and minor. Wow!
Let’s pray to the Lord to help you attend her graduation.
Hi Ken, well, I started to write a note offering various suggestions – then I realized, yeah, he’s thought of these already. So then I started wondering if the Vantreases ever think of Ryan — or your family — you know, just the human side of things — the feelings, the sadness, the sorrow — anything human — about the losses. Or, perhaps, about making recompense, seeking forgiveness, acknowledging the pain and perhaps even — the responsibility to help? Anything human?
—————————————————————————————-
Vantreases, hello, are you out there and do you understand? What will you be thinking when you’re 80 and looking back on your lives? Will you remember the young man named Ryan, and his sister Kari? When you get to be that age it’s harder to deny reality and ignore truth. It’s more difficult to rationalize, because, after all, the time to correct things becomes shorter, almost out of reach.
Wouldn’t it be better, Vantrease family, to help the Divineys now, and in so doing, teach your children about being human, doing the humane thing, doing the right thing — admitting to wrongs done, acknowledging the sorrow caused, and endeavoring to make it right?
Your parents taught you that, didn’t they? I imagine they did. Did you forget these lessons about doing the right thing? “Do unto others as I have done unto you.” “Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.”
Have you forgotten? About how to be human — about how to be humane?
I pray someday you will remember.
Please let me know what I can do to help so you four can be together that day.. Love you all .
Naa
Ken,
You all deserve all those things and so much more. I am rooting for you! I will be holding a special place in my heart for Kari on that very special day! Much love!
With all the beautiful supportive people with you here is there any RN’S or RNA’S that could possibly volunteer to assist in this journey ?? Just a thought. Bless you and your family ♥♥
Ken,
You all have overcome the “impossible” so very many times and
know if there’s a way you’ll find it this time too.
Hoping and praying for all to be there.
And Kari…4.0 GPA Congratulations!
Love Gail
Hoping you come to the best solution for all invoved on what will be Kari’s own, special day.
Do they have a Box in there arena. MAYbe if you could stay in a box and have Ryan with you it would be more quiet and more privacy but still there! Praying for you always. I know you will figure it out!
Is it possible to take Ryan with you? That would be incredible if he could be there for Kari!
Obviously I don’t comment often, but I read everything and we pray. We understand and we know that the Lord will provide a way. You all have our admiration and love.
You will do what you have to! I know you are a proud dad! Any chance Kari moves back after graduation?
If there’s a will there’s a way! You will figure it out.
Remember my post to you back in the fall that said, “Over it, under it, around it, or build a door through it; if there is a way you will find it!” We know you will find the best way.
Can you consider hiring a nurse for the time you will be gone to attend to Ryan so you and Sue could be with Kari. Just a thought, I am sure it is important for Ryan to be there but yall could celebrate at home after.
It is essential that either Sue or I are with him at all times since we know him so well.
See if you can find a facility in Morgantown that has a hoyer lift, bring his own slings. Get him those noise cancelling headphones so he won’t get startled and could you suction before the ceremony and right after? I am sure the trip in the van might be UGH but if you took your time and stopped along the way you will be fine.
Oh wait, what about a handicapped NON smoking hotel room. See if you can get a hoyer to rent while you are there. You can do quicky scrub downs, not full showers and that way he won’t be exposed to all those facility germs. If you want to chat out some logistics, email me.
Graduations have been very tricky and bittersweet for our family too. Praying that all the logistics will come together for Kari’s big day so that all 4 of you can celebrate her achievements (and Ryan’s!); anything we can do to help make it happen, let us know.
Wow, great work!