It’s really hard for me to believe that this year, 2013, is on the brink of becoming history. Like the past four years (since Ryan was so mercilessly harmed) it is a bit of a blur. All I know is Ryan is better of now than when the year began.
Exhausted and sweaty after working with Ryan, Ken takes a moment to gather himself for more therapy.
As for me, well, I did my absolute best for him. I am proud — no, damned proud! — that I never stopped pursuing what most consider the impossible. Each day I gave it my all, and then some. I took up for him in so many ways. I provided for his comfort and well-being. I fought injustice and imposed accountability. I kept him relevant.
It was the hardest thing… ever.
There’s no doubt it has taken a considerable toll on me. For one, every fiber in my body aches from the endless hours of messaging, stretching, and repositioning him. It was entirely worth it because he is in pristine physical condition. Then there’s my emotional state. What happened to him and all that was (and continues to be) lost weighs heavily. It never relents. It even intrudes on my dreams when I fall into that all-to-familiar restless, disturbed sleep.
It was the hardest thing… ever.
It’s a year that I would never want to live again. Good riddance, I say! But the worst feeling is the nearly certain knowledge that 2014 will likely be no different. From morning through night I’ll be right by his side. After all, I promised him my loyalty on the tragic morning of November 7, 2009 and I’m true to my word. I will never leave him so long as I can draw a breath.
It’s strange what I’m about to tell you, and I understand if you think I’m loony, but here goes anyhow. I’m telling you, sometimes I feel like Ryan and I are morphing into one stream of consciousness. A common soul, perhaps? We are so connected, joined in a way that I simply cannot logically explain. Certainly kindred… on some freaky metaphysical level. Now, I’m not saying I am Ryan. Or, Ryan is me. I’m saying we are on the same wave length. Like intermingled energy. Then again, it could all just be my imagination.
Either way, I hunky-dory with that.
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I think you and your family are incredible xx much love and prayers, Sam xx
‘When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you’
I understand that supernatural connection with a child who is so dependent on you. It’s not that you love him more than your other child or spouse; it’s a powerful connection that transcends all human emotion and reason. Ryan has become an extension of you, which is a double-edged sword to be sure, but a special gift which will keep you both hanging on for as long as it takes.
You have bonded like no one except those who have cared for a loved one can understand.
. You get up because of him and he gets up because of you. God bless you and bring you peace.
Praying for you and Ryan. Read your story and feel your pain. I pray for a miracle.
Ken, it is so right to say you and Ryan are on the same wavelength …. It is that connection that gets you up every morning ready to go… You make it look so easy that it makes it hard for me to even think to be lazy… You are one hard working guy and you’ve done your best which you keep doing. 2014 is filled with miracles, you and Ryan are worth lots and lots of these miracles. Stay blessed!!!!!
God bless you ken and family! I was encouraged by his tasting the meatballs and how he interacted. I trul expect a miracle to happen and I will not be surprised. You are truly an inspiration ken as well as Ryan and the rest of the family. We all have your backs. Thank you for the card. It was great to see Ryan’s prayer shawl on too. We will be back to singing after the first of the year.
Hi Ken,
When I saw the picture of you beside today’s blog entry, I was suddenly reminded of the sculpture of Cain by Henri Vidal in Paris. It is painful to see you suffer through so much,Ken. Yet, in the midst of, and in spite of this suffering —
Your situation makes me think about great men and women who have faced terrible odds and took them on – people who were told their situation was impossible. It also brings to mind the movie “Lorenzo’s Oil,” in which a child’s Mom and Dad fought to find a cure for their son’s rare disease. What you’ve been doing for Ryan is — to you, perfectly natural, but to many, it would be — impossible.
It is humbling and inspiring. It is breathtaking in terms of the sacrifices you have made. It’s plain amazing to have watched you and Ryan through these past four years and see how far he has come. And it’s because of the protocol you designed for him that Ryan is still moving forward, still defying the odds. It puts both you and Ryan into a realm that has been heretofore undiscovered. You are the radical ones who decided that the status quo just wasn’t acceptable. You are the groundbreakers.
Some people are called to invent, some are called to fight for principles, some thumb their noses at their circumstances because they have too much to pursue ( i.e.Steven Hawking) — you have all of this and more within you.
How do you help a young man who suffered near life ending brain trauma find healing? Well we’ve been finding this out for the past four years and we’re still learning from you and Ryan.
The wheels of the universe keep rolling, and time and space keep bending and stretching, and through it all, you and Ryan stay firmly connected by a love that cannot be broken. It’s heady stuff. It’s — uncommon.
It’s awesome, Ken.
Sending you love and good thoughts, and I’m still here, still praying
Paula
Love and prayers! Hang on Ken.
In many ways, in the best ways possible, you and Ryan ARE one, and you will persevere victoriously together. Both Diviney men, as well as both Diviney women, are in my heart and prayers always. I hate to use a cliche, but just keep hanging in there together. The power of your love for one another WILL prevail <3
Ken, your words never cease to touch me so deeply. Again, I know firsthand what it’s like to be a 24-7 caregiver-I did it for my brother for 2 yrs. It was the most trying yet most rewarding role I have ever had. I feel such a connection to your story, your words, your journey. When you write and wonder if people will understand what you mean when you talk about you and Ryan being 1, yes, YES, I know exactly what you mean!! I believe that YOU are Ryan’s strength and Ryan is your strength. You are soooo much a part of one another, soooo close in so many ways that people could never fully comprehend. You raised your son, watched him grow into a dependent, upstanding and handsome young man. Then that horrific day came and sadly, he once again, became completely dependent on you and you have become his nurturer once again. There are no words great enough to tell you what an UNBELIEVABLE,incredible, tremendous and amazing job you are doing in taking care of Ryan’s every need and nurturing back to the best health he can be in. You have worn yourself out, run yourself ragged, you don’t give a thought of yourself, your whole world, your reason for being, the only thing that keeps you going on this draining and heartbreaking fight is RYAN. Your devotion is beyond words, beyond inspiring and I truly hope and pray that you know that YOU are Superman-not only in Ryan’s eyes, but so many of us as well. You are the epitome ofa devoted, loving, dedicated, selfless dad and I can only imagine how much Ryan would say to you if he could. Can you imagine someone like Ryan, in his condition, not having the care and constant love that you supply him with 24-7? If he was alone or in a home? You have risen WAAAY above and FAAAAR beyond what 10 people could do put together and you are a one in a million man and an exceptional dad. In my situation, I didn’t know then how I kept going, being a caregiver, masseuse, Dr, exerciser, meal maker,etc. to my brother-but then, I understood one day.It was out of sheer love, unconditional, incredibly deep love for him and my desire to have my brother back and keep him here on earth. There was NOTHING I couldn’t or wouldn’t do for him. I lost my brother and when I lost him, I struggled everyday for a loooong time wondering who I was and what was my purpose in life-now that he was gone, I felt I had no purpose at all. It’s so trying, tiring, draining, I know. But one look at your beautiful boy puts it all in perspective. You get thru each day, each year because of the love, the unbreakable bond that father and son share and you have done and continue to do everything in your power to improve his health in any and every way. I wish there was something I could do for you-if anyone deserves it, it’s you. I truly believe in my heart that with the years of blood, sweat and tears that you have put into Ryan’s care, there will be a huge reward for you in the form of Ryan’s wellness. You all have given waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much,fought too hard,b een thru hell and have run yourselves ragged for too long and I know that one day,God will send you the greatest gift of all-Ryan’s renewed health. There’s no way he won’t. You have all suffered far too long-you will get what you deserve and I pray it will come soon enough. Take it easy, Ken, all my love, warm thoughts and beautiful wishes sent your way for a better and healthier, happier, promising 2014!
God bless you Ken Diviney!
Oh Ken, you are the air that Ryan breathes, I know that it takes the whole family, and every one of you is just important as the other, but when I try to sleep at night after prayers, I think that I know Ryan is present and getting better each day and I know that he is solely relying on you and you are determined as hell, I think Ryan has the best dad in the world. I truly think Ryan is thinking the same. I know it does not seem like its never enough, but since I have been following I can see a difference. I pray for you mind, body and soul and well as for Ryan, Sue and Kari. Years do go by and it seems like it going faster and faster, so I rather think of days, not years, each and every day is a gift. Thanking you and your family for staying so close and taking such great care of Ryan.
Uh oh, hit the wrong thumb. Need a thumbs up, by all means!
Ryan and family, I’m sitting here looking at you christmas card and offering a prayer for all of you! <3
It’s not hard to understand how you feel such a connection. You two live and breathe off of each other. He is dependent upon you to help him come back; you are determined to get him there. Every thing you do for Ryan has improved his chances greatly. While your entire family has been instrumental in his progress, you are Ryan’s backbone. SHSP, NGA.
Love,
carla
Wow. Wow. There are so many things to say but you summed it up well, by saying you are morphing into him and him into you.
When you are raising a child or taking care of someone like this you might notice changes or improvements but because you are so close you are really too close to fully see the changes. When you step back and others see the changes they can tell you the massive changes that are there.
I am telling you the massive changes we see. He is in pristine physical condition, you are in pristine physical condition for caring for him. His brain is healing, the Kat is helping him, I can’t believe how much he changed since the Thanksgiving video last Thanksgiving (?).
Every year he is getting better, looking better, healing, getting stronger. You are too. Keep fighting he is worth it, he is in there. Keep on keeping on!
Ryan, tell him, I am here, thank you for helping me Dad, keep up your strength you are fighting for us both. Thank you Dad, I love you, I am trying to wake up.
Ken
Always here for you and family and I know you don’t believe in miracles, but so many of us do .Ryan is and will be RELEVANT!!!!
So wish we could help you ease your burden.
love Gail
The devotion, love & dedication you show to Ryan every day is truly awe inspiring! Ryan’s life took a tradgic shift that fateful night…and it makes me so sad everytime I think about it. I am also joyful when I think about how lucky he is to have the tireless devotion of such an incredible, resilient, and selfless family.
I think the fact that you feel so connected to Ryan on a spiritual level is amazing. It’s not crazy at all…it was fantastic to hear and read.
Wishing you & your family all the best in the coming year. Positive thoughts and prayers coming your way from class of 90 mountaineer!
Jeannine
I believe you are correct, Ken. We are connected to those close to us in an almost uncanny way. Spiritual? I think so, for we are spiritual beings on a human journey, not the other way around, like Stephen Covey says.
Love, prayers and kind thoughts as always.