Last Wednesday — a week ago today — I started feeling a little “off”. By the following night I was way, way off. Flat-out sick, to be exact. The weekend found me so ill I didn’t want to move. To do so meant I’d be coughing my fool head off… I’d be finding the shortest path to the bathroom… I’d awaken the body aches. I’m sure many of you will know what I mean when I tell you that it was so bad that my hair actually hurt.
Still, I had no choice. What son-of-a-whore-housin’ option did I have? Zippo. Ryan needed me. He couldn’t afford for me to be brought down. Even with my wife picking up the slack, I was not allowed to just be sick on my own terms. I felt guilty for simply wanting to rest and recover.
It was awful.
I cursed the Vantrease and May names, knowing they are alone responsible for allowing no peace in my life… ever again. Even at my worst, there will never be true comfort and solace. These violent characters have stolen this, and so much more, from me and my family. I am damned to commitment, no matter the personal cost… even if it kills me.
In many ways they have reduced me to a slave to obligation.
Yet, these low-lives, and their equally bottom-dwelling families, go on with their lives without the weight of Ryan’s life on their shoulders. They turned their backs on the damage that they alone caused. They should be the ones without peace and comfort, not me, Ryan, and my family! I despise them for that. How DARE they have the luxury of being sick!
I can only hope they price they pay is eternal. It’s not like it’s undeserving.
—–
Note: I had a flu shot, so what I’m experiencing must be the worst cold ever… with flu-like symptoms. I’m guessing the shot didn’t work. I just don’t know how I picked this illness up and worry it was brought into our home somehow. I likely got it when I took Ryan to the doctor’s office the Friday before getting sick (the incubation period would be right). I’ve protected Ryan from contracting my illness by wearing a surgical mask and disinfecting around the clock. Sue prepared and administered his nutrition, hydration, and medications.
Anyhow, today I’m feeling better, but completely exhausted. All I can think about is sleep… and how it can’t happen until Ryan is tucked away in bed at eleven o’clock tonight. My eyes sting, it feels like I’m breathing through a plastic coffee stirrer, and it’s so clammy and close that it’s like a wet, wool blanket is thrown over me. But, I’m turning the corner!
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Praying for you. I wonder if Austin’s brother and sister who fled from their home state of Delaware ever feel just a little compassion for you and yours. Did their flight help them escape whatever it is they are running from? It’s obvious through their lack of actions that the parents don’t seem to have compassion. “Our lawyer told us to be quiet” is not an excuse after this long. What about the May family? What a total smack in the face from them since their son attacked Ryan. No remorse.
I hope you are feeling much better. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Praying for you and your family.
Ken hope you feel better soon, we are all always here like we have been from day 1 with you and your family. I hate to add fuel to the fire but I have seen the Vantreses out in bars here in Delaware having a good time. When I see them I immediately think of you and Ryan and want to go up to them and say something in your defense. I have a real hard time with them and the NO SIGN of remorse that they display, and the lack of ownership in what there son and brother has done. Hang in there your day will come keep believing, we continue to pray for you and your family.
Ken, I hope you’re feeling better and getting your strength back.
Dear Ken,
I am so sorry you feel so horrible. Know that you, Ry, Sue and Kari are loved beyond reason!
Prayers for your family. God bless
Glad you’re on the road to recovery. So sorry for your discomfort. Peace to you, Ken.
I so relate to your situation. My son has to be cared for 24 hrs a day, and my aids come in two shifts during the day, that leaves me with 12 hours alone. I dare not go to bed for fear of missing an alarm, so I sit up from 10pm to 10am alone. I no longer have a spouse to even listen out for me. When I’ve hurt my back, my son asked me “mama, how are going to turn me?” I told him it had to be done and it would be done (he weighs close to 300lbs). No matter how you feel, no matter how sick you are….it has to be done. Bless your heart….you are in a terrible mess….I am so sorry. I hope you feel better soon”
“it has to be done.”
That about sums it up.
Ken, I love the folks who support you here and take time out of their busy day to write! Surely you can feel our arms around you, Sue, Ryan and Kari. I really think that the love shared here is amazingly beautiful and know that you do as well. <3
That'swhat it's all about–loving and caring for one another–even if it is only possible with words. Please keep writing, Folks. It is very important. God is blessing us every one!
Sir – you’re the strongest person I know. You are what every kid wants in a dad!!! Glad to hear you’re feeling better
Hi Ken, I was just thinking that no matter how accomplished a person is — what great things they’ve attained in their life, what recognition for outstanding achievements they’ve received — there is no greater achievement than sacrificing and giving deeply of yourself for another person. You do this every day for Ryan and for your family. There is no greater accomplishment and, moreover, there is no greater love.
I wish you could be tucked into bed and allowed to sleep for as long as you wanted, knowing that Ryan was in good hands. But alas, the best hands are yours.
Praying for you, dear Ken, and for Ryan, Sue and Kari. There is no fairness at all in any of this. Please hold onto the fact that all of us love you and your family and we’re going to keep standing by you. You and Ryan have climbed higher mountains than many of us ever will. Most folks can’t hold a candle to your power, Including and especially the lost souls that wrought this suffering into your lives. Until they acknowledge the depth and breadth of pain they have inflicted upon your family, I don’t care what they say, they will never have peace.
Sending you hugs, love, prayers for good health
and always, hope
Paula
merry christmas to your family from ours and give ryan a big hug from me lori schmuck you and your family are in our prayers!
You know, Ken, the flu shot only protects against 2 or 3 strains of the flu that the CDC think is going to be prevalent this year. You may have contracted a strain that was not included in the vaccine this year. I got the shot myself in Oct but it didn’t prevent me from getting the Flu in November.
Rest as much as you can. Ryan needs you to be at your best. Kudos to you for protecting him as much as possible from becoming infected himself. Feel better soon.
You are an awesome father. I know it is hard to put your needs above his but sometimes it is necessary.
sickening isnt it Teddy Heather Goddard
No words could ever express how I feel about Ryan and your family’s horrific journey. Your family is the epitome of love and devotion and your words never cease to move me to tears. I have recently become a follower of your story and I would like to say that what those 2 cowardly bastards did to him is beyond all reasoning and their families are equally as disgusting. I have seen their fb pages and read their words and it’s like nothing even happened. Their lives are lived, they have celebrations, go on trips, you name it, not an OUNCE of guilt from these heartless, worthless pieces of scum. But I thank God that Ryan has you all. I know firsthand what it’s like to be a caregiver of a loved one 24-7. It is extremely trying, but out of the tremendous love you feel, somehow, someway you get through each day because of the deep love you have for them. I feel so deeply for you all and your situation, for the loss of sooooooooooo many things that we all take for granted-this never should have happened. I pray for you all and I truly believe down in my heart that things will get better-you’re too good a family to have to suffer like this. You and your entire, beautiful family remain in so many people’s prayers. Never forget how amazing you are-you truly are an angel on earth and Ryan is sooooo blessed to have you as his dad. The love, devotion, and warmth you all exude is such a beautiful thing and I’m so glad that Ryan has a family like that. Feel better-we are all sending you best wishes and a speedy recovery.
Just wish you could bottle up that cough and fed ex them a good dose of sick 🙁
Your words are exactly how I feel towards the boys in the car that hit my son and left him on the side of the road to die. I miss my son everyday I love my new son just as much if not more. You guys are amazing an yes…the people that go on to live after creating such destruction makes my blood boil!!! I can not forgive them for what they did …as to me some things are unforgivable!!!
God bless you Ken. Geez, ‘no rest for the weary’ takes on new meaning. I pray you feel much better, like right NOW. Prayers for your recovery, Ken. SHSP NGA EVER. Love, Annie Just hang in there as best you can and remember, ‘THIS TOO SHALL PASS’ — just wish it could pass quickly. quicklyier=new word.
Your words are spoken so clear and leaves a heavy place in my heart for your whole family….you all are amazing people and wish the world was consumed of people like urselfs….god bless you all….and for the cruel persons who did this may you someday feel the wrath of what you have given this wonderful family…
FEEL BETTER!!!!’
I understand what you are going through and how horrible it is to not just be able to be sick but to have to just keep going to take care of our sons. It is so easy to pick something up, no matter how careful we are and how much we try to stay healthy. I am hoping that you have some relief in the form of nurses around the clock? I am thankful that Sue is there to be able to help you as I know she has her own obligations. Praying you find relief soon and glad you are starting to feel a little better. I am so sorry you have been sick.
Vicky ,Hope and prayers for Jonathan..Only someone living through this can really understand
God bless you all
Thank you for that! I appreciate it very much.
Get well . your a strong man.i keep you and your family in my prayers daily.
Hope you feel better soon Ken. I know it has to be tough on you.
Ken,
Hope you’re feeling a little better..With all you have to do, and this weather, sure doesn’t help. Praying you can get some good rest….Hello Ryan
love Gail
Get well Soon!
Ken, my brother, I hope you are feeling better. Please take care of yourself. I know you need/want to care for Ryan but the first commandment of being a good Caregiver is to take care of yourself. There IS a lot of flu stuff going around. And when youre run ragged like this is when you are most susceptible. (And Drs offices, hospitals etc., are the best places to catch something!) Get some rest. You ought to look into some sort of respite care. There may be entities that provide services in your home. I know it will be hard to entrust Ryan to “strangers.” Make sure to use a reputable entity that screens people. I know the horror stories. But like I said, Ken, you have to take care of yourself or you cant care for Ryan. God bless!
Oh and BTW… I can’t stand those mother Fu#$ers either! Isn’t that what they really are?
Worse.. Mary don’t know what they should be called .. No empathy,no finacial help,no remorse. How do they live with themselves??
Oh No! I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well! If there’s anything I can do, Please, let me know!! I can run to the store for ya and get you some soup! Heck, I’ll even make it if you..
I am so sorry that these evil people exist still
It’s going around! Isn’t that what we always hear? But this time, it is true! It is not the same flu that the flu shot is for, according to our doctor. It is a nasty one just the same. Our granddaughter had the same symptoms as you, and finally had to check in with her physician and get a prescription for that damnable cough that robbed her of sleep for a solid week–no kidding. You might have to do the same. :/ I hope you feel better–well, yesterday. 🙂
News Channel 8 was out Leesburg way yesterday, and it looked like you had your share of snow. Our other favorite place, Westminster (Rocky Top :)), has a foot on the ground right now and has missed 2 days of school already. Makes me wonder how the weather is in Morgantown. Thoughts of Kari… …
Sending good vibes across the Potomac from Maryland. Hope things are looking up on this bright sunny day with the beautiful icescape outdoors. But, Baby, it’s cold outside! SHSP, NGA
Always, always thinking of you and your family.
Thinking of your family. Your love and commitment to each other is beautiful to witness. God bless you!
So sorry! What an awful feeling. Please know you are truly an inspiration and a blessing!
Feel better soon!