Last Wednesday — a week ago today — I started feeling a little “off”. By the following night I was way, way off. Flat-out sick, to be exact. The weekend found me so ill I didn’t want to move. To do so meant I’d be coughing my fool head off… I’d be finding the shortest path to the bathroom… I’d awaken the body aches. I’m sure many of you will know what I mean when I tell you that it was so bad that my hair actually hurt.
Still, I had no choice. What son-of-a-whore-housin’ option did I have? Zippo. Ryan needed me. He couldn’t afford for me to be brought down. Even with my wife picking up the slack, I was not allowed to just be sick on my own terms. I felt guilty for simply wanting to rest and recover.
It was awful.
I cursed the Vantrease and May names, knowing they are alone responsible for allowing no peace in my life… ever again. Even at my worst, there will never be true comfort and solace. These violent characters have stolen this, and so much more, from me and my family. I am damned to commitment, no matter the personal cost… even if it kills me.
In many ways they have reduced me to a slave to obligation.
Yet, these low-lives, and their equally bottom-dwelling families, go on with their lives without the weight of Ryan’s life on their shoulders. They turned their backs on the damage that they alone caused. They should be the ones without peace and comfort, not me, Ryan, and my family! I despise them for that. How DARE they have the luxury of being sick!
I can only hope they price they pay is eternal. It’s not like it’s undeserving.
Note: I had a flu shot, so what I’m experiencing must be the worst cold ever… with flu-like symptoms. I’m guessing the shot didn’t work. I just don’t know how I picked this illness up and worry it was brought into our home somehow. I likely got it when I took Ryan to the doctor’s office the Friday before getting sick (the incubation period would be right). I’ve protected Ryan from contracting my illness by wearing a surgical mask and disinfecting around the clock. Sue prepared and administered his nutrition, hydration, and medications.
Anyhow, today I’m feeling better, but completely exhausted. All I can think about is sleep… and how it can’t happen until Ryan is tucked away in bed at eleven o’clock tonight. My eyes sting, it feels like I’m breathing through a plastic coffee stirrer, and it’s so clammy and close that it’s like a wet, wool blanket is thrown over me. But, I’m turning the corner!