Whew! Ryan and I were up early this morning. I started getting him ready at 4:30 AM and had him out of bed and working before five o’clock. The nurse needed to leave early this morning and I thought we might as well get a jump on the day. That, my friends, is thinking positively.
How easy would it have been to moan and groan about having our entire schedule thrown off? No one would have blamed me for being a bit irritable for such an early start. But the “new” Ken will have nothing to do with that sort of thinking. I looked at this as an opportunity to make this a highly productive day. After my third cup of coffee I was much more willing to believe myself.
I love that I was able to get one over on Sue too. I know she had every intention of letting me sleep. She underestimated me. My internal alarm went off at four o’clock and I got to work, readying everything for the day. Actually, I’m still having trouble sleeping so I’m not as crafty as I’m making myself out.
When it comes to sleep, it’s still the same. I
sleep doze with one eye (and ear) open. Always passively listening. In-and-out of sleep all the time. It’s restless. Disturbed. My mind never takes a break. In fact, the only successful strategy for slipping away is to keep the television on. The background noise (usually) keeps me from focusing too much. Each time I wake throughout the night I force myself to not get up for long. Sometimes I just lay there for hours in the quiet of the night trying not to think. Thinking about not thinking! Is there any more concrete paradox… ever? I equate this to “a lover without passion”.
Believe me, that’s not easy to do… thinking about not thinking Just give it a try yourself.
I’ve come to this conclusion, that I relate to water: In the stream of one’s consciousness it might be a temporary dam, but the flood gates will need opened or eventually overflow. The weight of our thoughts builds up, but never stops. The trade-off is simple. In lieu of our thoughts naturally continuing forward, the volume increases. Inching higher. Potential energy looking for the slightest flaw to breach our best efforts to the contrary. It’s always self-leveling and obeys the laws of the universe.
Well… looks like I just had a deep moment there. Time to get back to my shallowness, that generally involves sports and boobs. Most recognize this as being a guy. I’m still holding out for an Olympic event that combines the two! I have some great ideas for how to use the penalty box…