It’s a yucky day. One of those days when going outside has zero appeal. Before Ryan’s attack, this was the sort of day that I’d tackle home projects; or make-up some. You know… just stay inside and get things done. I don’t do that anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty that needs tended to throughout our house. For the most part, I ignore these until I just can’t anymore.
My days are full. Sixteen hours of non-stop activity is the minimum. Often more. Rarely less. There are no days off. Heck, there are no nights off either. I work every weekend and holiday. I can’t call-in sick. Playing hooky is entirely out of the question. I’m on-call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It’s not like I can show up and slack off either. Day-after-day takes all my physical and mental strength. It is, in a word, exhausting.
Sue has it no easier. Perhaps even harder. She spends at least ten hours at work each day with a hellish commute into D.C. Coming home offers no rest nor relaxation. From the second she walks in our door she is engaged with Ryan. Her “vacation days” from work are used in hospitals and doctors’ offices. For her, it’s like having two full-time careers.
Neither of us have had a day off in thirty-seven months. That’s over 1,100 days without a break! Perfect attendance. No tardies. Maybe I should make us both certificates in recognition…
via zazzle.com
This is why I could only laugh inside when Gale (Pattie) Vantrease spoke about the impact on her family as a result of her son, Austin Vantrease, being in prison. At last year’s parole hearing she actually told the parole board how difficult it is travel once or twice a month to West Virginia to visit her son. I’m not kidding, that was part of her statement! She spoke of her “up to” fifteen-hour day. I’m convinced that she really doesn’t get it. Not at all. Like I thought then, and it’s no different now, for us a fifteen-hour day is knocking off early. For the love of Pete!
I say let her do even this shortened day (to us) 1,100 times and see how much sympathy she would have for someone else playing her card. Perhaps then she might she why I find her particularly annoying.
I try not to think about the fact that there is no end in sight. For the Vantrease family, it’s just a matter of time before their violent son walks away from prison. They can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The only light we might see is a locomotive coming head on at us.
So, today, my project is exactly the same as the past three years; trying to bring my son back to us.
I hope Ryan is feeling well and performing his workouts. We want him to stay in good health as he continues to recover. God Bless you.
Ken, we can’t match wits with certain types of people, so there is no use in trying. I wouldn’t want to be in their place for anything in the world, but it is the victim and his or her family that really suffers the most, and that’s a fact! There is no good purpose in trying to match wits with them. No, they do not know what 16 hour days, 24-7 are like. I truly wish that there were ways for you to get more breaks.
Still here, still praying, not ever going away. Ryan is so ingrained in my thoughts, he is like a member of my own family. I think of him along with them the first thing when I awake, and the last ones I thihk of before I go to sleep at night. He receives the benefit of my prayers many times during the day right along with them. I am always checking to see what is going on over there, who is writing posts and I am giving thanks for each one, because it lets us all know how important Ryan is to others as well.
Always here. 🙂
Ken and Sue, again as usual, I am totally speechless. The words just can’t come to me. I just can’t fathom that people like that exist. How I wish I could come and help to give you and Sue a break.
Very few people could or would live a life of such complete self-sacrifice like you and Sue, even for their own child. Your relentless love and devotion inspire all of us to be a little more selfless, benefit Ryan beyond what anyone could’ve imagined, and do not go unnoticed by our heavenly Father. Praying that your whole family reaps all the rewards you so richly deserve sooner rather than later; praying also for the strength and resources to continue enduring until that glorious day. We love you, Divineys!
As always I am in complete amazement by the strength of you and your family. Believe it or not, the love and compassion that your family shows for Ryan and each other helps me get through EVERY day in a different way, and to that I am very appreciative! My prayers and my familys prayers are always with you, and I admire you and yours for being such GREAT people. Thanks for your inspirations! Hang in there! Peace!
She sounds just like the parents of the boy that hit my son in a car and left him on the side of the road to die…. My sons attacker is also appealing his sentence… My son can never appeal his!!! They make me sick these kind of people… how dare they!!!!
Hi Ken, I know it often seems as though people who lack compassion, refuse to acknowledge negative things they’ve said or done, or are unwilling to recognize how their attitude hurts others, get away with this behavior. But i don’t think they do. We may not see it, because in an effort to protect ourselves from their negative energy, we distance ourselves from them to the extent we can. Of course, this is much easier said than done when you see your precious son continuing to suffer from the effects of AVT’s viscious behavior.
I cope by focusing on the positive power Ryan has within himself, along with the purity of his being and the love that surrounds him. Which is not to say I don’t feel anger, resentment and sadness about what AVT did to him. Like you, I feel these things. Truthfully though, I feel so much goodness within and surrounding your family, that it negates a hundredfold the negativity I feel emanating from the AVT clan. Ryan’s courage and tenacity, strength and love, trump AVT clan’s refusal to exhibit the appropriate kindness, contrition, remorse and willingness to do the right thing (i.e. by helping your family however they can).
In the fullness of time, everything comes back around. Where lies have been spoken, truth will arise, and where emotional or physical harm was deliberately inflicted, consequences will follow. I leave that in God’s hands lest the darkness invade my soul as it has in the past.
Everyday you and your family inspire me. Gray days come, losses are felt, hurtful memories ache, and then I think of Ryan, how he soldiers on and how you give him everything you possibly can so that he has a chance to heal. And in that, I feel a deeper understanding of what life is about; why we’re here and what’s genuinely, sincerely, important. Your sacrifices and endurance in the midst of extreme physical and mental duress give me clarity — mainly, that what seems impossible to me, can actually be done, because you are doing it– not without suffering, I know — but you show it can be done. So in that, I see that all things are possible.
Still here, still praying, and I still believe.
Sending love & hugs for the sunshine to break through
Paula
Ditto Paula. Wow. Beautifully said.
Especially this…
“In the fullness of time, everything comes back around. Where lies have been spoken, truth will arise, and where emotional or physical harm was deliberately inflicted, consequences will follow. I leave that in God’s hands lest the darkness invade my soul as it has in the past.
Everyday you and your family inspire me. Gray days come, losses are felt, hurtful memories ache, and then I think of Ryan, how he soldiers on and how you give him everything you possibly can so that he has a chance to heal. And in that, I feel a deeper understanding of what life is about; why we’re here and what’s genuinely, sincerely, important. Your sacrifices and endurance in the midst of extreme physical and mental duress give me clarity — mainly, that what seems impossible to me, can actually be done, because you are doing it– not without suffering, I know — but you show it can be done. So in that, I see that all things are possible.”
Diviney Family, your dedication and tireless devotion to Ryan and his continuous care is NEVER DONE IN VAIN—-on so many levels. May the knowledge of what Paula articulates so well, bring you some comfort and may it always help you to know that we are always with you… in spirit and in prayer.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, MY C.F. Frankie and Family
Once again, I’m left wiping the tears from my eyes after reading your post. I’m left speachless and sad as well as angry that you all are going thru this. You all are constantly in the thoughts and prayers of our whole family and we love you very much!
God, I wish I had the capability to care for Ryan and visit and talk to him to give you and Sue respite.
God, I wish that Austin Vantrease’s picnic in prison was a brief reprieve to a more permanent penalty.
How she had the nerve to even say that is beyond me …To even TRY to compare her life to yours is unthinkable!!
And in time, Ryan will come back to you….so,so many prayers and thoughts for Ryan and you all
and this is my feeling, Ken (hard for you I know) but God listens. Love to all
Gail
The Vantrease clan might start to get it if they drove to WV prison every day to visit their son, drove home and turned around and drove back every day. Sound stupid and unrealistic you say?? Well the Diviney family has no choice, the Vantreas family does. That sounds even more stupid since Ryan is the victim. As usual the victim has no choice and the criminal has choices.