I can’t remember the last time I was sick. I mean really sick. Certainly before Ryan was attacked by Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May in November 2009. Probably even a few years before that even. I’m basically a healthy person. That’s not to say I didn’t have days where I fought through migraines, exhaustion, or soreness.
Those days happen more often than not, actually.
I’m guessing I picked something up while in West Virginia last weekend. I hugged so many people and spent an evening at a seedy bar and grill. Besides that, the incubation period is right. There’s no telling where I picked it up. You see what happens when I’m let loose in public?
It’s not the flu, thank goodness for that, but it’s kicking my ass. An overall feeling of being unwell, respiratory ailments, stinging eyes, zero energy, and a loss of appetite.
I hate that I feel this way. It interferes with me working with Ryan. I’m constantly scared that I’ll give it to him. I’m doing everything I can to not let this happen. I am a handing-cleaning machine (even more than usual) and keep a breathing mask on at all times. Poor Ryan, I have him wearing a breathing mask too… to protect him from me. I’m going through Lysol disinfectant and sterile wipes at a blazing rate. You might laugh at this, bit I actually spray my entire body, from head-to-toe, with Lysol every hour before I put a mist on every surface. No door knob or light switch is missed!
Hey, I know I’ll be over this illness in a few days and that’s a good thing. The thing is, it has really made me worry about Ryan when I might no longer be able to care for him. It scares me to death. Let’s face it, I’m not as young and fit any more. Sue is too tiny to do all the things I do with him. It’s a delicate balance of manhandling him with care and protection. What is my fallback plan? I don’t have one… yet.
That needs to change.
I’m not bragging here when I tell you that it dawned on me that I am the linchpin. The keystone that holds everything up; lawsuits, therapies, medications, treatments, website, donations, wish list, and so many more that it silly to list them all. Would Ryan stay relevant without me? I’m too afraid to think about that now.