It baffles my mind. Really, it’s so difficult for me to get a grip on it.
It was 5½ years ago that Ryan was last in Morgantown, WV. The last day was when he was discharged from Ruby Memorial Hospital’s ICU (to Shepherd Center Rehab ICU) in late-November 2009 seems like a lifetime ago. You know, I suppose it was a lifetime ago in a very real sense.
At least a different lifetime.
Ryan left the town and university (WVU) he loved so much in a medically-equipped airplane. An ICU in the sky.
That all changes later this week… I hope so, anyhow. I won’t know for sure until the morning of the day I want to take him back. I can only hope that Ryan up for the trip. My daughter, Kari, is graduating.
Kari’s high school graduation. I watched it on my laptop via a streaming video feed.
It would be heartbreaking for me (and Ryan) to miss this. Sadly, we already missed attending her high school graduation in person. I watched it from a live, streaming video feed on my laptop in Ryan’s hospital room. I remember breaking down in tears as she crossed the stage. I cursed Ryan’s attackers, Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May (both of Newark, Delaware), for denying my family from sharing this with my daughter.
So, I intend to do everything possible to be there in spite of the challenges in doing so.. The day will be a whirlwind, I’m sure. We will need to get up in the middle of the night to make it to her early morning ceremony. We won’t return home until later that day. But, we must make this a “day trip” because there is no practical way to spend the night away from home. And, there is just so much to worry about.
…I worry that spending seven hours on the road will be too much for him.
…I worry that the audience’s clapping and celebrating of each graduate will startle him.
…I worry that he’ll miss he regular therapies.
…I worry that he’ll move his bowels.
…What if he will need deep suctioned?
…Have I accounted for every situation that might happen?
How will I possibly hold it together, even when I know I must? To even just imagine when we drive past his old freshmen dorm, or college house, or football stadium? How about the hospital where he clung to life for so long? It will be damned hard.
What about the parking lot where he took his last thought before Vantrease and May senselessly beat him?
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Congratulations to Kari, what a wonderful and exciting time in her life, and equally to have her family there tops it all off. Don’t worry too much Ken, I am sure Kari is worried for the both of you. She understands the risk and problems that could be. Please don’t be so stressed and enjoy Kari’s graduation, its not a week, its a day and a day to celebrate, (and I know you will still be stressed) the less tense everyone is the better the day will go, and I think you can handle anything that comes up. Chin up ole boy, your daughter, Ryan’s sister is a college graduate !!!! Celebrate and tell Ryan whats going on so he will know and give him a hug for me.
Congratulations to Kari and how exciting for the Dviney family! Ken, there hasn’t been a situation that has come up that you haven’t been able to handle. Don’t let what if’s ruin the potential fun, enjoy the moment and if something does come up do what a doctor friend of mine always says….resolve the situation, but KISS…keep it simple stupid… and move on to enjoy and cherish Kari’s day. God will take care of Austin Vantrease, Jon May and their friends who stood by and watched.
I am beyond excited all of you are going to Kari’s graduation!
Your pain made me cry, GOD be Merciful to you and provide his ultimate help to you.
Hi Ken, something in me says Ryan is well aware of Kari’s upcoming graduation and is tremendously proud of her. For all that has been lost, your family has demonstrated how gains are made and kept in spite of those who sought to inflict ruin.
As the song goes, you can’t keep a good man down — if that were the case, Ryan would have been lost to us years ago. He’s our hero and Kari is our heroine. Your kids have shown us how to be “Diviney strong.” I can’t think of any way I would be more proud of both of them. You done good, Dad — real good. You’re our inspiration too, along with your jewel of a wife.
A toast to Kari, for not only powering through, but rising above all the trials and tribulations to achieve this great accomplishment. Congratulations, beautiful Kari!!!
Another lift of the glass in honor of your whole family, for never giving up and in the process teaching the rest of us how it’s done.
Sending love, hugs, good thoughts, continuing prayers and great hope!
Paula
Ken,
Give Ryan and Kari a big hug for all of us on this wonderful occasion. Good luck to Kari on the next chapter of her life and know that your family is cherished by many.
Gary, Lori, Taylor & Spencer Evans
Congrats Kari!!!! Praying Ryan’s homecoming goes along with no hitchs. Prayers for all of you!!!!
Congratulations Kari!!!!! 🙂
Congratulations to Kari, Ken and Sue I know it will be along journey to Morgantown. It’s hard to think of all the things that could happen with Ryan. I have been down this road with my son Brett. I know it will be a long day for all of you, but for Ryan to see his sister graduate would mean more to him then he can express right now, he will find a way to thank both of you some day. Have faith stay strong you will get through whatever may come. I have found that sometimes people you don’t know can be very heart warming. I have found so much strength in reading about Ryan, your a very strong family. Sending love and prayers you way. I made a post earlier not sure why it didn’t post, so if you get it twice sorry.
Congratulations to Kari! You’ll miss college, but there are many more adventures to be had.
Congratulations to Kari and I wish your family safe travel up and back. Will say a prayer for Ryan to handle the trip well. Good luck and God Bless you.
Congratulations to Kari! Have faith, Ken, that everything will work out well. I suspect Ryan may understand more than he is able to tell you. I understand your anger at his attackers. It’s so easy for me to say you should forgive. I don’t know if I could. Have faith, Ken. Jesus said, “I will set all things right in heaven and on earth.” We may have to wait till the next world for this ultimate justice but be assured, it will be rendered. There will be no smartarse lawyers, no bleeding heart judges. Enjoy Kari’s graduation. God be with you all.
Congrats to Kari! You, Ryan and Sue will do great! My thoughts are with you! My son graduates from WVU ON Sunday so i will also be there! If you need anything, just let me know!
Wishing you all the very best on your adventure I’m sure it will go fine, don’t worry yourself sick just take every precaution that you can and pray! Congrats to Kari! Hugs to all!
I didn’t read any other comment. This would terrify me. That was my first thought. My second thought was that your daughter is graduating, how very wonderful. You must be so proud! I think her major was in marketing? I ran an international marketing team. If she ever wants to sit down and pick my brain about jobs please let me know. Her future is there for the taking. Lots of love to you all!
Congratulations on your daughter’s graduation. And put the worries behind you and Let go and let God.
Congrats to Kari. Sending positive vibes to you and yours.
Congrats
I’m glad you will both be there for Kari. Take care.
Congratulations Kari! You’re a great daughter, and a great sister!
<3 from me to you, Renie! Thank you!
Being ever-practical, here are my suggestions:
…I worry that spending seven hours on the road will be too much for him.
He can stretch out and take a nap at my house if you sense he’s stressed. I know you have a state-of-the-art wheelchair and seat cushion, but I’m old school: in my mind, nothing’s quite as good as getting off your bum and laying on your side for a while.
…I worry that the audience’s clapping and celebrating of each graduate will startle him.
Bring soft earplugs, as mentioned previously. Or bring large ear protectors, the kind that look like earmuffs. We have a pair you can borrow. You can even use the large ear protectors with an iPod.
…I worry that he’ll miss he regular therapies.
Benefit > risk.
…I worry that he’ll move his bowels.
If it happens while you’re driving, pull over and take care of it in the van; it wouldn’t be easy, but it should be do-able. If you think that would be too difficult, find a motel and rent a room for an hour; stretch him out there and clean him up. You’d be late for the ceremony, but you’d be on time for the beer and brats, which is the important part. 🙂 If he moves his bowels during the ceremony, come to my house and take care of it there. Bring chux; I’ll have wipes and personal cleanser.
…What if he will need deep suctioned?
Then suction him. You have a portable suction machine, I assume. Before you settle in at the ceremony, scout out a secluded area and plan on using that. If people are bothered, I’ve got a word and a half for them.
…Have I accounted for every situation that might happen?
The key isn’t accounting for every situation that might happen, it’s accounting for every situation that might reasonably happen. If you’re hit by golf-ball sized hail and the visibility drops to zero so you rear-end a semi, and then a tornado drops out of the sky, you’re just going to have to wing it. And rely on the kindness of strangers.
Congratulations to Kari! Wishing you all a safe trip! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
You’ve been robbed of so many things; I pray this all works out for you. Hoping that WVU will give you prime seating for this ceremony. And, since Ryan was well on the way to graduating with distinction, they should give him that honorary degree. He deserves it. So darn proud of both Kari and Ryan!!!!!! 🙂
Sending prayers for a happy day for your family… God knows you need it
Just breath. I know it’s hard! As a spinal cord injured person myself I always have to worry about something. But does the bad out weight the good? Your family is so strong. You can do this. Ryan can do this. God can do this 🙂
I can hope and pray that you and Ryan are able to attend this huge milestone in Kari’s life, I know it would mean the WORLD to her. Congratulations to Kari for such an incredibly great accomplishment despite all she has also been thru with her dear Ryan. I pray her future is as bright and beautiful as her smile. Ken, I know how badly you want to be there, this is your little girl who means so much to you. But, if for some reason, you and Ryan are unable to make it, that beautiful daughter of yours will understand 100000%. She clearly has lived with understanding that such intense focus and care need to be given to Ryan and she has never resented that. She is an upstanding beautiful girl, inside and out and again, that’s because she was raised by you and your wife knowing that NOTHING comes before family love. Take it a day at a time and we are all wishing for the very best and praying that you will both be ale to make this trip as well as Sue of course! CONGRATULATIONS to Kari and to you and Sue for raising such a caring, loving daughter. That speaks VOLUMES as to what you have instilled in your girl.
Ken, I am sure if you sit and think through everything that you can get your head wrapped around every possible issue and figure out how to deal with it before it becomes an issue. Many hopes and wishes for a wonderful family day celebrating a new milestone in your lives.
Kari, congratulations!!!!! The town of Morgantown will never be the same because of your fingerprint on it! Congratulations!
Congrats to Kari!!!! Sending lots of love and prayers with your amazing family as you head to WVU! Stay strong. I can only imagine how happy Kari and Ryan are that he will be included. I have so much respect for you and your family!!
Congratulations!
🙂 Maybe just for those few ‘clapping’ hours, Ryan can wear those soft wax ear plugs?? And, with some advance notice, maybe the arena will let y’all sit in a more secluded spot? Love to y’all.
Congratulations to Kari!!!!! And many prayers that all goes well and you have a safe trip Ken ,Sue and Ryan.
Happy to hear and hoping all works out. Will be thinking of you guys
<3 Gail
I wikl continue to pray. However maybe him being there may just answer all your prayers.it may stimulate him in a good way. Maybe him being there something good will happen. But only you know whats best for him. I wish you all luck and congratulations to u all. I will send many prayers.
Congratulations Kari!!
Congrats to Kari and family
Congrats to Kari & many prayers for this to work out for you!! God bless! <3
Tough to read this, Ken! I wish that somehow you could at least spend the night in Morgantown, but you know what is best.
Congratulations, Kari and family! <3
I am sure that Ryan will do great and will be SO HAPPY to be there for Kari’s graduation! Congratulations to Kari and safe travels for you all!
Congrats to Kari and all of you. Safe travels.
Congratulations! Sending positive thoughts your way! Wishing you a very safe trip!
This made me cry, I truly hope you are able to work it out
praying you are able to attend and enjoy your daughters accomplishment. Reading your story makes me feel very silly stressing out about my sons High School graduation. You are an amazing family!
I understand most of your worries, The whole experience will be an act of devotion for each of you. I would guess that Ryan would know what is up, where he is going and that he is thankful to be included. I would guess that on some level he deeply appreciates everything you are doing, and everything you have prepared to allow him to be a part of Kari’s graduation. I would guess that Kari is excited that you are doing this to honor her. You will be mentally and physically exhausted. When you see the smile on her face, you will know it was worth the cost. Somehow, I just believe you might get some kind of positive reaction from beloved Ryan. Good on ya, mate!
Congrats Kari!!
As always, tears and prayers are flowing after reading your post. I pray that your entire family can be together for Kari’s WVU graduation ceremony. I pray for safe travels and for Ryan to have stable health that special day. Congratulations to Kari on her accomplishments! May blessing pour over you and your entire family.
Congratulations to Kari. Praying that everything runs smoothly (well, as smoothly as possible) so that y’all can share this moment as a family.
Congratulations to all!