Ryan is more “with it” this week. Then again, I could just be imagining it… but I really don’t think I am. I can’t put a finger on what it is, exactly. It just seems this way. I like that he had his eyes down and centered quite a bit yesterday. Even with his eyelids sewn mostly shut, I could see his pupil (every so often), as though he were looking out of the small gap where the stitches stop.
He seems to know just when his dad needs something positive. It is helping bring me out of my depression. I can feel myself healing, and not a moment too soon I might add. I will tell you now that I was really worried that I might not find my way out of it. It hurt like unholy hell.It doesn’t hurt that the cold snap we’ve been experiencing has loosened up either. I swear, there were some mornings that were so cold that it hurt to take the dogs outside. I had to take a peek to make sure I didn’t freeze my gonads off. Rest assured (or beware), the boys are still hanging around.
Then there’s the promise of my daughter, Kari, coming home for Thanksgiving break soon. Better yet, her winter break is just a month away and she’ll be home for weeks. It’s so strange to know that she’ll be heading into her last semester (and that she bucked the trend and will likely graduate in four years… fingers crossed)!
I’m not going to kid myself completely though. The holiday season is hard to get through. It is for anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one, I suppose. In some ways it’s comforting to know that I’m not facing this alone. Misery loves company, especially during this season. It’s a time filled with joyous memories that now hurt.
My plan is to deal with the pain as it happens. Roll with it, as they say. I’ll make the best of a sad time.