We Got This!

"I tell him I tried. I tried to keep memory alive; I tried to fight those who would forget. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. There is so much injustice & suffering crying out for our attention. We must take sides. We must interfere. -E.W.

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Happy Birthday, My Son!

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Ryan when he was just 3 months old.

Ryan when he was just 3 months old.

Ryan’s birthday is tomorrow, Saturday, September 21st. Normally, this is a time of celebration for most families. It once was for ours as well. For me though, it makes me equally sad and angry at the same time. Sad that this will be his fourth “special day” that he’ll miss. Angry that this was brutally taken from him (by Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May, of Newark, Delaware).

So many people are asking me if there’s anything special they can do or get for him. Truth is, I really don’t know how to answer that. Why? Because that has been happening since November 2009… people doing and getting special things for him, that is. Every time you care enough to visit this website… make a donation… buy something from his Wish List… leave a comment… sign the Anti-Parole petition… share a blog post… participate in an event… well, that is all I really want for him. You know, keeping him relevant. Doing so in meaningful ways, at that.

I worry that people will forget.

And this is how I answer those who ask me what they can do for Ryan’s birthday. It’s simple, really. Just remember him. That’s the most important thing you can do.

Then, if you want to do more we are always grateful for the tangible contributions. Without these (i.e., you), Ryan would never be where he is today in his recovery. Honestly, I doubt he would still be with us today. You give me the means to ensure the best in his care, comfort, and treatment. There is no way in this world that he would be in such great condition — relatively speaking, of course — without your kindness and generosity.

No way!

Tomorrow will be rough on me. Special days always are. I hurts to go through the motions. Sue will bake a cake, but it will go uneaten. Our tradition of breakfast in bed will be just like every other day… a can of formula down the g-tube. The candles will burn themselves out without a wish upon them. We will wrap Ryan’s present, but it will go unopened. We’ll sing “Happy Birthday to You”, but it will go unheard. On the surface most things will look “right” but please don’t look any deeper because the despair is looming just below.

It hurts so badly.

Comments

  1. Sending love and hugs your way for your birthday week!! Blessings and healing too!! All my love to you and your family! I pray for complete healing and the pain to go! Also, just wanted to say, the billboards are very good! Very classy! I hope many more people get involved in your life because of this!! 🙂 <3 <3 <3 You and your family are awesome!!

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  2. Ken, I’m so glad to hear that!!!!! It always does my heart good when I hear something positive happened for Ryan, because he so deserves it <3

    Sending you love, hugs, prayers continuing………

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  7. Sending you all love and courage to go on and to hope for the best on this day of the birth of your son and my heart goes out to you wishing I had the power to change this awful situation.Keep your chins up and know a awful lot of people are praying for you and wishing they could make a difference.

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  9. Our prayers are with you Ryan & family & even though we do not know u personally, I feel the pain….I’m a mother of 2 wonderful boys & they are my life….even though I can’t compare some of the pain we as a family have endure, I could only imagine how you’re heart must feel. Stay strong, & God Bless♥

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  10. Happy Birthday Ryan. I wish for you all things that are good from here on. You have made great progress and with the love of your family and all of Team Diviney, I know that will continue. We are here for you and not going anywhere.

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  16. I love you Ryan! Happy Birthday…. I pray that your next birthday will be when you get to eat your cake and dance to your favorite song.

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  17. I’ve never met Ryan but I’ve heard so many amazing things about him and I have been following this page for the past four years. Happy Birthday, Ryan! Always have him and your family in mind. Sending love and birthday wishes.

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  18. Rhonda, your love and compassion for Ryan and his family are priceless! Whenever someone genuinely cares and reaches out as you do, I am just grateful to God they have chosen to commit themselves to helping Ryan recover. We may not all express ourselves the same way, but the most important thing we have in common is that we love Ryan and his family. Thank you for your messages of hope, encouragement and faith. You sound like a phenomenal person and I’m glad you’re a part of Team Diviney!!

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  23. he is a gorgeous baby! You can so tell it’s him…not like some ppls baby pictures where you have no idea… Thinking if you all this weekend and sending a cyber hug!

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  25. We will honor Ryan and the great Diviney name on his special day and always. Praying that 24 is your special year of awakening, Ryan!

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  27. Happy Birthday Ryan!! No one will ever forget you, especially not God!!! The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health. (Psalm 41:3) I pray The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace. <3 (Numbers 6:24-26) xoxo

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  32. Ken, I hurt for you an Ounce compared to your Ten Tons. I wish so much you didn’t have to withstand & shoulder the weight even if that’s just what we do unconditionally for our children. You have been cheated of the pristine joy of witnessing your creation mimic part of your personality, intelligence, humor and hard wired actions living as an independent, thriving, and fulfilled adult.

    Sue, I feel a fleck of your heartbreak. Nothing against Ken but men can’t bear children…I think most Mom’s reflect on the all encompassing, empowering and oh so special feeling of when their child has grown from every fiber of their being and then comes into this world. A child’s birthday is a Mother’s annual reflection of the miracle of life from inside our body. I’m sorry this is now riddled sweet-bitter and it’s purity stolen.

    Kari, I’m have a morsel of sadness to your profound sorrow for what you have lost. Our brother is the person who is cut from the same cloth. He is the one who can Get You better than anybody and frustrate the hell out of you at the same &/or at a different time. You were robbed of the essence of that relationship and left with an irreparable hole in your heart.

    Ryan, I only have my own thoughts and words since we don’t know yours. I hate that your life as you lived it was destroyed. I pray that it’s temporary and your mind continues to heal and becomes free. I hope that your wishes from deep down inside are unlocked. I hope that you can feel the love. I hope that the clues &/or answers to your mystery are presented. I beg for you to feel joy even if you aren’t able to show it now. I hope that your every wish that you can’t express is speakable and that each and every one comes true. Happy Birthday Ryan.

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  33. Happy Birthday, beautiful boy! This picture is absolutely precious. You are such a gift to me. Every time I think of you, you give me the strength to keep fighting! I love you!!!

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  34. Ken, he has made such progress in the last few years and that is because of your family. It’s because of the continual work you have done.

    But come on man, (yes football reference) HE IS IN THERE! Talk to him. If you are stimulating his body like you are but not his brain how is he going to wake up? I said this of your daughter, talk to him, he can hear you. I have watched the video of him responding to Sue and to you and to Kari. It might feel like you are talking to yourself but wouldn’t it be nice someday that you are rambling on about something and Ryan says, “dad, shut up.” Huh? SMILE!

    I loved that Thanksgiving video because you know he could taste it. Give him frosting, give him cake. Nothing to make him choke but just to taste, he has been having those birthday parties every year and probably thinking the same thing you are. Talk to him, he is in there, he can hear you.

    Make him a wonderful juice for breakfast with berries and spinach and apples and wonderful tasting things. That would be special! Make it for the whole family but add what he needs to his for extra support. Make that a new tradition, wonderful healthy juice for breakfast then cake and icing down the hatch. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.

    You know even if in the far off chance I am wrong (my husband relishes in the fact that I am often wrong and he is rrrriiiiiiiggghhhhhttt) and he can’t hear you our brains are like sponges. I can leave my TV on or listen to something on Netflix while I sleep and when I wake up i am confused if I actually experienced that or was it a dream or was it on TV. Even if Ryan actually can’t hear you now, what if it’s all sticking in there and it all makes sense someday????? What if?

    YOU, Sue and Kari make the wish for him, blow the candles out, you know what his wish is, it’s the same as your wish. Eat cake, celebrate that you still have your child in your life, in whatever form. You get to touch him, smell him, kiss him and look at him. My aunt would give you lifetimes to be able to have her daughter back in a fraction of Ryan’s form. I would give you anything to have her back. Just to be able to brush her hair, talk to her, play Barbies around her, touch her, smell her and kiss her goodnight. But we can’t.

    What’s that saying about insanity: doing the same things and expecting a different outcome? Do something different tomorrow. Blow the candles out, 19 or 24, eat the cake, put some in his mouth, make the special juice, do something different, maybe it will make some difference with him, with you, with the family.

    Happy birthday Ryan! Happy birthday to Ryan’s family too. I will be celebrating it as a good thing, he is still here, another year another hope. (Sorry to be a pain the the touckas, talk to him)!

    Reply

    • LONG BUT NECESSARY
      Rhonda, You have passion in your Tough Love conversation. I don’t know the context of your relationship with Ken & his family so forgive me if you are certain you are well received. I’m assuming you must know them well with the comfort to bide them to fake it until they make it by going through the motions to celebrate Ryan’s birthday the traditional way. I’m an outsider looking in so I can only read how profoundly sad Ken is and his sharing the mourning they feel relative to Ryan on his birthday.

      I can tell your comment is well intended & you have a few ideas that are likely in practice & possibly you just don’t know it or maybe they’ve Elected Not To on the one & only day that is Ryan’s birthday (like eating frosting, cake & blowing out candles-Maybe the just don’t want to). I am a little stumped at some of the things you alluded to. I’ve NEVER ever felt like Ken has only been providing therapy to Ryan’s body therefore neglecting his brain. I’d be Spitting Nails at anything merely close to that suggestion if I were Ken.

      Friend or Stranger, I have to tell you candidly that in some aspects you unknowingly come across offensive (in my humble opinion)… {Call me insane} but that’s my overwhelming feeling……I’d venture to say it’s more the other way around in that Ken has shared a TON of exciting strides & part of their routine in stimulating Ryan’s brain. Within his power, knowledge, resources and ability, Ken doesn’t leave any stones unturned & has even created his own stones in mental and physical and clinical treatment to determine what works. Brain Mapping and Sleep studies etc. etc. to know Ryan’s REM sleep and level of rest and consciousness &/or dreaming (TV or No TV) etc. …Lots of trials and discovery of what has helped. I’m 1,000 % certain solely from prior posts and videos that Ryan is Talked To CONSTANTLY and then some by Ken et al. I’m certain he’s read to and Ken shares most of these posts & comments to Ryan. I’m doubtful that his birthday would be any different. What is different is that Ryan’s Birthday is One Day a Year. Maybe that hurts them the most or it’s tough to go through the motions in light of their New “Normal”. It hurts like Hell to say that…On every level, it’s sad and they seldom share that aspect of their world yet they keep moving forward, fighting the fight, doing everything to help Ryan and defending him since he can’t defend himself yet.

      Rhonda, I can not say I’ve walked a mile in your shoes nor The Diviney’s. I’m sorry for your painful loss. One of the toughest things I’ve experienced is watching the decline and eventual passing of my Dad & my Grandmother. Neither were children or young adults but it still hurt like Hell. We NEVER lost hope during both their struggles with Altzheimer’s. We kept the faith that miracles and possible medical advances would take place. We hoped “things” (mental, physical, emotional, psychological, social, physiological) could be reversed. We kept the faith. We mourned the loss of who they were. We grabbed some good times, others were a struggle. We felt pain for who they were not. They got to the point they didn’t know who we were, or did they? Eventually, we never knew for sure what they could hear or feel or think. We kept the Faith. We hated how the disease stole there life slowly (not overnight from a beating). We fought their every medical struggle that could take them before the Alzheimer’s. We hoped there was a cure. We did not care for them the entire time. We celebrated moments. Birthday’s weren’t one of them. No regrets on that. That’s just how we felt on their one day.

      Thanks for indulging…Peace & Hope.

      Reply

      • I am very sorry. I do not know them personally or otherwise. Impassioned by the heartache I feel for them. Ken please delete my post, I am sorry. I will light candles and pray for Ryan tomorrow, as I pray everyday for him.

  36. Happy Birthday Ryan!

    You are one very strong young man and are making great progress each day. Like others said above, SHSP NGA ! I too, am proud to know such a wonderful family. Always thinking of and praying for complete healing for our boy!

    Birthday love and warm wishes from the Liberty family xoxox

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  38. An adorable baby picture. Will always be here and praying
    for Ryan to get better. Like Jo said ,we could NEVER forget Ryan
    love to all

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  39. Happy birthday, Ryan! I am so very sorry that this has happened to you and your family. Our hearts go out to as we understand that every day is a struggle. I hope that you pull through this, Ryan. Your family is so very strong and they love you more than you can imagine! I am so disturbed and saddened by this tragedy. I do hope that your attacker never will see the light of day again. I am in awe at the love and loyalty within your family. <3

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  40. The very happiest of Happy Birthdays for you, Ryan! Please keep fighting as we continue to pray for you and your family.

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  43. I guess I don’t have to tell you what a beautiful baby picture! Every time I read one of your posts about how much you miss Ryan, I feel your sadness and longing for the wonderful times you had together. Ryan is an amazing young man and you are an amazing Father.

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  47. Wishing you a happy birthday Ryan. Wish I could wrap my arms around you and your family. Read this blog every time I see it on Facebook.

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  50. I won’t forget! How could I? Ryan’s name is so deeply ingrained in my mind — my soul even — embossed there forever! These many months, years now, of sadness, worry, tears, and yes, elation when Ryan would recover from first one infection, another and yet another. I thank God every single day that his health has improved. Those were nightmarish days of long prayers and pleas for mercy! I believe that the Team Diviney and Ryan’s Prayer Warriors have made an astronomical, miraculous difference in Ryan’s present condition. And we will keep on praying for his complete recovery and return to us. Ryan, you are always on my mind.

    Asking for God’s blessings on us, one and all. SHSP, NGA STILL HERE STILL PRAYING, NOT GOING AWAY. Not ever going away! Love and prayers

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  52. Love you guys and no way are we leaving!!!!

    Happy Birthday Ryan Diviney!! You are one amazing young man and I am proud to know you and your family!!!

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  54. Happy Birthday Ryan! You, Ryan and your family are in my prayers! We lost our son Daniel at 23 and our lives will never be the same without him. I know our journey is hard, but you face a different kind of pain. I trust the Lord and know that he gives us amazing strength when we need it most! God Bless you and Ryan.

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  55. Happy Birthday Ryan!! You are truly loved and cared about, not only by your family but constant followers that continue each and every day to keep your story alive! You are truly blessed to have such an amazing family and extended family (us)! My family will light a candle for you tomorrow too and make a wish for you and your family before we blow the candle out.

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  56. Your name left my mom’s lips this morning as we are in wait as my father is on his journey home. We have been caring for him non-stop in our home. What you do every day for your son is amazing.Your hard work and determination does not go unnoticed.

    Reply

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Ryan's Rally, ℅ Ken Diviney
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