There’s a saying that everybody in the entire world is connected by six people. It’s called six degrees of separation.
Growing up in the tiny state of Delaware though, it always feels more like two or three degrees of separation. Everybody knows everybody in this state, or is a friend of a friend. It’s a tight-knit state of less than a million people where you’ll frequently run into people you knew from high school and college. If someone names a high school in the area, you probably know someone who went there.
Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens football (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Nowhere does is this interconnected state more apparent than in the university town of Newark, Delaware and it’s surrounding area. Many Delawareans can count themselves as part of the Fightin’ Blue Hens community, myself included. The University of Delaware is a major part of the identity not just of Newark, but the entire state of Delaware. It’s a great school with a fine reputation, and the source of many wonderful memories.
So you can imagine my dismay when I learned of Austin Vantrease in late 2010, who committed his crime against Ryan during the fall of my senior year. It made me feel sick to my stomach to think that my undergrad was being represented by him, and that people might think that everyone from the Greater Newark, Delaware Area supports what he did.
I remember that World Series. Sure, it would have been nice to have gotten the Back-To-Back World Series for the Phillies, but my response was to pout for a little bit, shrug, and then move on. It never would have occured to me to kick someone in the head while they were passed out on the ground because they trash-talked the Phillies. What Austin did illustrated a terrifying rage and a complete lack of empathy.
I was hooked in by the University of Delaware connection to Ryan’s story, but I stayed as I got to learn about what wonderful character he had, and what amazing tenacity and dedication his family had for him.
About a year after I started reading this blog, I discovered that my UD college buddy was a cousin of [a co-defendant in the civil case], who was friends with Austin Vantrease, who kicked Ryan in the head. I never knew Ryan or his family, yet I was connected to his tragedy by three degrees of separation.
It really is a small world (or state) after all.
And that made me think about the fact that everybody is connected to everybody else. One action by one person can ripple out and touch so many people. Austin’s didn’t just affect the Divineys and Ryan’s friends. It also affected the people who didn’t know him but learned about his story.
In realizing this, a person can make a choice. You can send out bad actions and see the negative consequences of what you did affect not just your friends and family, but people you’ve never even met. Or you can try your best to be a kind person, and hope that the person you were kind to decides to be kind to someone because you were kind to them, and so on and so forth. Ryan was a kind person, who affected so many peope in his first 20 years on this planet because of his kindess, and continues to so even though his voice has been taken from him.
I may be separated by three degrees from Ryan Diviney, but I know that I strive to be a better person because of him.
Great news Ken! Glad to hear it. I do my best for you. Come and relax now, leave your troubles down, no need to bear the weight of worries, just let them all fall away.
We’re all singing, mercy will we overcome this. One by one could we turn it around, maybe carry on just a little bit longer, and I’ll try to give you what you need
Thank you guys for the kind comments. I considering my University of Delaware Days to be some of the best of my life, and the thought that a monster like Austin Vantrease could somehow represent the school I love bothers me a lot.
It was also really eye-opening when I learned that my friend was a cousin of one of the guys named in the lawsuit, and it really did make me think about what a small world this is.
Vantrease didn’t go to UD
I’m pretty sure that Vantrease went to UD, as it was reported that he was confronted by the police in his criminology class at the school, and my friend (who’s cousins with one of his friends), remembers having lunch with him there.
Can we confirm or deny this, Ryan’s Rally?
It’s a typical seperation
In these typical times
Too many choices
Everybody’s happy
Everybody’s free
We’ll keep the big door open
Everyone will come around
Why are you different
Why are you that way
If you don’t get in line
We’ll lock you away VANTREASE
Thank you for your perspective on Ryan’s story. I hope you get to meet him in person someday — you’ll be even more inspired!
Excellent article…thank you so much for sharing. Bless you.
That’s good stuff. I love the thought process represented in this article.
Thoughtfully and beautifully expressed. Thank you so much for this insightful piece of writing.
I wish the VanTrease family and friends could grasp the important points you make — unlike “Mark Brown” who left a nasty gram earlier today on Ken’s blog post about restitution.
This is one of the saddest things of all about this situation — the VanTreases have made sure that people remain thoroughly misinformed as to what has and has not been done for Ryan.
In doing so, they have created far more pain for the Divineys than they apparently are able to grasp.
Again, thank you for your kindness and caring, and for taking the time to share your thoughts with us. It means a lot!!!
Your post and your kindness is heart warming. To know that Ryan has touched so many people is testimony to his kindness.
Thank you for your post and your feelings .Know there
are still many people who feel this way too.. ..Uplifting
and always thinking of Ryan
Thanks for your positive post, and you are so right about about our connections. Unfortunately for those who were around Austin and Jon May that night their reputations were brought down also. Forever will their names be associated with this terrible tragedy. Just google the incident and there names are there.
Great Post !! Choices have consequences and I firmly believe “You cannot do wrong….and get by”..(if only his offenders knew this)…..Keep getting stronger Ryan……I still believe in miracles and will continue to do so !!
God. Bless. You. You ‘get’ the pay it forward idea with grace.