Lately it’s been a bit difficult to write. I’m not really sure why either, other than I now realize this as a symptom of a larger issue. Yes, I have a lot on my mind and I’m tired as hell but that’s really no different from the past 49 months, is it? It the epitome of having too much on the plate. Problem is, I’m just not hungry.
I think I figured it out though.
There are times when something comes along and sweeps my feet out from under me. There’s no mistaking that I have hit the ground… hard. Since these are easily recognizable I am able to demand of myself to get my ass back up and keep on plugging. Then there are other times — like now, I think — when the ground erodes from underneath my feet. The wearing away is just so damned slow that I don’t feel it as it’s happening.
The difference is now I must climb out and this is more difficult.
via frabz.com
Haven’t we all experienced this? You bet! Usually it’s by our own doing too. For those who lived through the 1980’s, it’s no different from charging repeatedly to a credit card, making the minimum payment, then seeing we’re over our heads when it’ declined. It’s that “holy crap” moment. For the youngsters, it’s putting off schoolwork to spend time on social media then realizing the due date for a project is tomorrow. Can I get a “holy crap”, Bestie? Sadly, all debt eventually comes due.
For me, I ran up quite the sleep deficit. It’s due… with interest. Last weekend I spent a lot of time with my pillow. I was like a junkie trying to find my next fix. In my case, a nap. Next to taking care of Ryan, it was all I could think about! My body was screaming at me to rest, or pay the consequences. Well, I did the best I could to listen but not nearly anywhere close to what is needed. Hopefully it’s enough to sustain me for a while.
As always, holding you up in prayer and asking GOD to lead the way. Praying that you find some rest and peace from your never ending days. Praying that “our” Ryan finds his way back to you providing you the peaceful heart you so deserve.
Always. Forever. Until.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, MY C.F. FRANKIE and Family
God Bless you Ken! You can’t imagine how many times I think about you and your family. Many times I wonder what you are doing at that moment, and consider what you would be doing if Ryan was not attacked. There is a special place for your family in heaven and it will not include pain, suffering or lack of sleep.
I feel you sister! Thank you for sharing your moment.
What a great analogy!
Love the dog photo! 🙂
THIS IS A MUST READ FOR ALL (IN MY HUMBLE OPINION)… “Paying off the Debt to Yourself: Time & Perseverance, Hard Work & Consistency” First come up with a Plan of Attack to Whittle it Down! Interest can accumulate very quickly, which can also keep you in debt for a long time if you’re not careful. Start by putting all your “cards” on the table in order of Highest to Lowest Priority. Then craft a realistic battle plan (Notice I didn’t say Idealistic). Overstating the obvious-Life can suck and is terribly imperfect and unfair. Trying to take care of it all can eventually defeat all well intended plans. Focus on the Highest Interest Card to Save YOUrself the most money in the long run. After minimum payments, load up any extra to destroy the highest debt (and then to the second priority & so on). What’s hugely important is to try your damndest to view debt as an Emergency. Please Try to Budget & Stick to it. Save money by figuring out your Needs (realistic & idealistic) and Wants (realistic & idealistic). This will help you to better free, rejuvenate and serve yourself and therefore serving others the best ultimately :0) …….Students in (School/Life) will get a lower grade if they don’t take care of their personal work first before helping others with a project…Eventually, if that happens too much and they get too far behind, they won’t have a school to attend to. (I regress?)…Bottom line, try with all your might to stick to a plan that is tangible so debt doesn’t return or discouragement & burn out in school doesn’t happen!! Save money/time in new ways “to keep your cup as full as possible” and your plate with less. Cultivate your Motivation…THIS IS KEY TO KEEPING YOUR LONG TERM GOALS IN MIND. Don’t be afraid or lose sight. Keep your eye on the prize. Ask for help and share this goal with friends and loved ones. They will always be there to lend support and help you keep focus on the bigger picture. You are worthy of needed rejuvenation and the freedom to rip up your credit cards and to use a Check Book or To CASH and CARRY others.
Miss your posts Ken . But hope you can get some much needed sleep
Hi Ken, I love the truth you speak. You’re right, sometimes the descent is insidious, just like your great analogy of the interest quietly building up on the credit cards. Yes, then as you said, there’s that moment of “oh @#$% now what do I do?!”
Please keep taking your rest where you can and don’t feel guilty about it. This is not just about the physical aspects but the mental stress as well of course. Dealing with all the issues related to the court case has drained you emotionally and physically.
It angers me deeply that you should have to go through such suffering just to find some semblance of justice for your son. Something is very wrong with this picture. If there is anything any of us on Team Diviney can do to further support your family in this regard, please let us know. I continue to pray that the judge and others who are associated with Ryan’s case will draw upon their own compassion to do right by Ryan and your family.
Meanwhile….you’ve been on this rollercoaster for a long time — and as you said, each time you’ve been able to figure out how to make the climb back up. Remember that we’re still here even if you aren’t up for writing. When you feel bad we’ll be here and when you’re happy we’ll be here. We’re not going anywhere. They don’t call us “Team Diviney” for nothing!!
Sending you hugs, love, prayers that you will be refreshed and renewed in body, mind and spirit
Paula
Is there anyway you would allow others to come in and give you a break for a few hours a day? You would have to protect Ryan with gloves and facemasks it there are colds, etc. The people that come in could just do simple things, stretching Ryan’s legs, range of motion on his arms, massaging his feet/hands, cleaning while you nap and he rests…. there are all these things that need done and if you could take a load off you a bit, it would help. My mother spent 5 years helping a girl with cerebral palsy. She and one or two others would come in on Tuesdays and do activities with her to keep her mind busy. Her mom could get things done and the experience gave back so much to those who helped. To this day the name Jessica holds a very special place for her and for me. They had groups of people that came in like 3 or 4 days a week to do this. It helped the mom get a break from 100% attention on her and all activities were overseen by a therapist. Just an idea for you.
Not citing the New England Journal of Medicine or Psychology Today (at this moment), but the sleep specialists tell us that we can’t make up for lost sleep with a sleep marathon. I know you know; you are an avid reader! I know you are on guard every minute, but now that Ryan is doing better, can you let some of us in to help? Not going to cite book, chapter and verse here either (for now), but I believe God has brought Ryan this far, and I don’t think He is going to let anything happen to him — too many praying for Ryan. So, let us IN!
Always here with faith, hope, love and prayer. You are always on my mind.
Sleep is a beautiful thing, and a precious commodity for you and Sue. Enjoy as much of it as you can, whenever you can! You have friends who would love to sit with Ryan while you catch a nap once in awhile 🙂