I had a whopper of a dream last night. The setting was at the civil trial, but I was back in the late 1800’s. I know why I time-travelled. It had everything to do with watching the documentary “Killing Lincoln” the prior evening. I marveled at how swift the justice system once work in my country.
It’s a sad statement about this country when Ryan is exactly three years and five months removed from his attack and still has four-and-a-half months until trial. Oh, and that’s if the trial isn’t delayed which is not at all uncommon. Anyhow, that’s just the cause of my dream and not what I’m writing about today.
I realized that I now seldom think about Ryan’s attackers.
Certainly not like I once did. We moved on. We did this in spite of them. Oh, yes, I still dislike them and their families. Probably always will too. Still, we did this without me ever believing Austin Vantrease or Jonathan May sincerely apologized to Ryan. It came without recognizable forgiveness; something that only Ryan can give and right now he can not offer it, even if he wanted. No matter if Ryan is capable of forgiving, it doesn’t diminish their accountability. Not before the eyes of the law. Never before my eyes. Unless, that is, Ryan is fully restored and they provide for him without condition. They’re on the hook for the rest of their lives, I’d suspect.
Hell, they still haven’t completed their criminal sentence. Shocker! Vantrease is in the Huttonsville Correctional Center serving his felony sentence. May is out of jail, but still owes the criminal restitution.
I guess the lesson here is that forgiveness — either by oneself or another close to oneself — is not required for a person to move on. I knew this all along, but for some reason people believe this can not be the case. My opinion? It just makes people feel better to hear that one person has forgiven another. It makes everything right in their mind. It reduces the level of stress.
Let’s face it, it’s easy to advise someone to give forgiveness. Not quite so simple for the wronged. Sometimes not even possible. I guess being on the other side of a coma might be one of them. I hope Ryan can someday tell us the answer to that.
I will tell you that it took time, and a lot of it, to get to this point. It happened without me even knowing it. I took many dark moments when I was sure the sun would never rise on us again. I had to accept this and then find ways to function in the pitch-blackness of despair. The sun is still below the horizon for us, but we now know how to feel our way along. As we wait for our dawn to break we will be courageous, strong, and unshaken each time we bump into those unknown monsters that thrive in (and on) deep, dark despair.
It the best we can do.
This, my friends, is a life’s lesson I wish I never needed to learn. Ignorance most certainly would have been bliss.
Thank you for being by our side. It would be impossible without you to not let me sink beyond rescue. How many times have you pulled me from the wreckage? Too many to remember. At least thousands, I swear. So, the next time you think to tell me that I’m inspirational you must know the truth. It is you who is inspirational. How easy it would have been for me to curl in the fetal position and give up… but you would have nothing to do with that. You demanded that I step up because this is bigger than just me.
Too much is at stake.
Ken, a thought invoking post. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. We are blessed and humbled by your transparency, your strength, your intellect. I love the fact that you ALWAYS put your family first, even when it means moving on without yet receiving the justice your family so deserves.
Ken, you’ve seemed much more positive lately and that makes me happy. “Moving on” doesn’t mean what happened still doesn’t piss you off, but I think “moving on” is the best thing for YOUR mental health and peace of mind at this point. Take care and I hope to see Ryan out on the porch when it warms up this weekend.
Way to keep on keeping on!
Remember this?
Ryan and all of you remain in my prayers. I hope that some day it will be possible to meet you whom I have prayed for so much over the past many months. I know that God is watching over you and that He hears our prayers. I know you are probably getting more spiritual advice than perhaps you want, but believe me there are many really caring folks on Ryan’s Facebook board and Ryansrally.org. I check in often and read every comment, most of which are very inspirational. The Bible tells us to “bear one another’s burdens,” and I sincerely hope you gain strength from all of us, your friends and supporters.
This is included in the last paragraph of the very first letter that I wrote to you, Sue and Kari a few months after that awful day. I still pray for all of you many times every day, as I am sure that is true with most of us at Team Diviney. I truly believe that God hears our prayers! You will probably never know how happy yesterday’s post made us! You are out of the deepest, darkest depths a soul can possibly go to. Praise God! You are right, “It Took Time!”
Have a great day at work! Love and prayers as always.
Justice must be served; so your diligence in pursing a civil trial is a necessity. The fact that your focus is and has always been on Ryan and now on the impact you will indeed make in the lives of countless of others who find themselves with a TBI is further proof that good wins over evil. If they (the criminals) had a stronghold on you, then all the potential you have within you to achieve unimaginable results for many including Ryan would not come to fruition. They don’t. They cannot stop the Divineys. May God continue to open hearts to provide the resources you need for Ryan and his mission. May God bless strengthen you, fill you with wisdom, and guide your steps. May God show His power through healing Ryan.
thank you for sharing Ken……you are a gifted writer and I know many of us just ache that this had to be the reason to read your writing. Standing with you in love.
Thanks for letting us share in the joy and the tears!!
Wouldn’t be any forgiving from me….ever. And that wouldn’t mean I’m holding on to bitterness, or preventing me from moving forward, as some like to suggest…it’s just the truth…and there’s nothing wrong with the truth.
Ken ,The last sentence Paula wrote says,”Thank you for reminding us and showing us that the power of love can conquer even the most hellish of wounds”. You and your family are showing that to be so true and we are all behind you always .As you said Ken, Ryan is the only one to forgive and one day he will let us know .
love Gail
Hi Ken, I love your post!! An awe inspiring thing about Ryan’s relevance is how big it is — how many people will ultimately be changed for the better — helped, healed and given hope!! What you and your family have suffered through — I think many could not understand unless they have experienced it personally or have been there to witness your heartache. I will always marvel at the tremendous strength of you and your family. So many days of anguish, fear, worry, sorrow, anger — and yet, here you are — and Ryan has come so far, he looks nothing like he did when you first brought him home.
You are a great mentor to so many people, Ken. The kind of tenacity you and your family possess does not come naturally to a lot of us; we have to work hard to find it within ourselves. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again — thank you for being willing to put it all out there for us to see — the good, as well as the bad. If it was sugar coated, we would not be able to learn from it.
I don’t pretend to understand why this happened to such a wonderful, precious young man; I never understand the evil that is wrought in this world — but as you so eloquently stated:
“As we wait for our dawn to break we will be courageous, strong, and unshaken each time we bump into those unknown monsters that thrive in (and on) deep, dark despair.
It’s the best we can do.”
Thank you for reminding us and showing us that the power of love can conquer even the most hellish of wounds.
Love, hugs, prayers ongoing, and great hope!
Paula
Forgiveness?
No.
Forgiveness is granted if and when Justice occurs.
No Justice.
No Peace.
God Bless you and yours Ken.
Keep fighting the good fight.