I really don’t bring this up anymore, but today is the seventh of the month. Although I keep it to myself, I still suffer. The seventh is always a rough day. It was on November 2009. It is today.
The only reason I’m sharing it with you today is because I’m attending a legal procedure tomorrow where those named in the civil suit, specifically Austin Vantrease and Jonathan May, can do the right thing. Will they? Well, I’ll keep an open mind and hope… despite the time that has passed without doing so (in my opinion). Despite the low-crawling attempt to get a list of donor’s personal information (that was flatly denied by a Federal Court). Despite the bickering over a mere $25,000 in criminal restitution. That last one, the $25,000, is an indicator to me that they really don’t get it.
I’m doing this for my son’s sake. I hope they will too. After all, it’s not “us against them” when it comes right down to it. It’s accountability to Ryan, and both sides must recognize this. It always has been. Ever since the night they sucker-punched and kicked Ryan into oblivion. Nothing has changed. There’s no going back.
Again, my concern is they just don’t know — and maybe don’t want to know — how much damage was done. A lifetime’s worth. I seriously doubt anyone is telling them. Momma wouldn’t want to hurt her boy’s feelings.
Do you realize it’s now three years and three months since Ryan was brutally attacked? That’s 1,185 days! Over twenty-eight-thousand hours. 1.7 million minutes. 102 million seconds to do the right thing for the damage caused. I’m telling you this, I wouldn’t wish even a single one of those seconds on (almost) anyone. Even one tick of the clock is one too many. It’s too much suffering. Oh, what all was lost…
Yep, someone appears to have a drinking problem.
Now, you know, I’m trying to be much more positive lately. So I’ll go into tomorrow with high hopes. But the best thing is that I get to spend some time with my daughter afterwards! That makes whatever comes beforehand worth it. I won’t mind leaving at three o’clock in the morning because I know that evening will be wonderful. I won’t be phased by that one person I’ll see that makes me feel like I need to shower off the nastiness that emanates from him/her. I’m just thinking out loud here, but I often wonder if this is the type of person who might even close down a mexican restaurant then pour their drink into their child’s sippy cup for the road? Hmm…
Which reminds me. I’ll do my best to behave myself. Maybe even buy a sippy cup for my personal entertainment and consumption. Bottom’s up.
Look out, Morgantown… K-Pimpin’ in the hood!
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Ken, you show up…we’ll pray you there safely and soundly and pray for a favorable outcome for Ryan….We will be waiting with baited breath until we hear from you how it all went. Daily prayers, now and always, Love to you all, hugs to Ryan, Annie
Ken, How did things go???? Love you~ Jen Lovelace
Good luck tomorrow in Wheeling and also have an enjoyable time visiting your daughter. You are in our prayers.
holding you in loving thoughts
Hi Ken, I really like the way you’re able to focus on what’s most important — standing up for Ryan, and, enjoying precious time with Kari. There are many who wouldn’t be able to appreciate these things because of all the heartache endured. I can only imagine how hard it must be on you to face Ryan’s attackers — knowing that in spite of the terrible damage they have done, they will not acknowledge their responsibility and accountability to Ryan. Serving jail time is not enough — that’s just the minimum.
Full accountability would be to publicly admit and acknowledge their responsibility in their attack on Ryan and all the wretched suffering they have inflicted upon your whole family — this includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. The suffering is not limited by any means to Carthagena Court.
I hate to say this, but in my experience, the sort of individuals who cannot own up to their misdeeds also cannot express genuine remorse. They play mind games, live in denial, twist things to suit their own conscience, and work hard to convince themselves and others that it was the victim’s fault (also known as “gaslighting.”) People who make this kind of destructive arrogance a way of life are called sociopaths.
Thus, you and I both know how things will most likely go tomorrow. If I’m wrong, I will be thrilled!! But I’ve seen enough to recognize a no win situation when certain people are involved. False pride, control and mean spiritedness provide the backdrop to such ugliness. As if the pain of the crime isn’t bad enough, it is doubled by the wretchedness of dealing with perpetrators who will never shoulder the full responsibility for what they have done.
I pray for extra strength and resilience for you tomorrow, Ken, and for something akin to justice happening — in whatever amount you can get. Then after that, i pray you and Kari enjoy a wonderful time together!! I’m sure Kari is looking forward to it just as much as you!!
Thinking of you, and hoping you always know you are cared about, supported, believed in and loved. May that knowledge sustain you if things start to feel unbearably unfair.
Please give Ryan a hug from me and tell him how proud I am to know him.
Paula
Always remembering Ryan on every day ….Safe trip Ken and enjoy your time with Kari
love Gail
Here are some things I wish for you today, Ken: that you get a little sleep before hitting the road at zero dark hundred, and maybe even get a few precious moments with your beautiful bride; that God blesses you with safe roads and weather for your travels; that the judge has the wisdom to rule in your favor; that certain stone-cold hearts are softened and convicted to finally do the right thing for Ryan; that Kari goes easy on her dear old dad after an excruciatingly long day and waits until Saturday for the real fun to begin; that you can relax a little and enjoy the weekend with your daughter, knowing that your son is in the very capable, loving hands of his unstoppable mom; and that Ryan is remembered and honored by many on this day of every month, in addition to being loved and prayed for 24/7. Godspeed, K-Pimpin!
Ken, I have been busy with many things, and I have forgotten about Ryan, I am sorry, very, very sorry, to say.
I am now back to praying for Ryan.
And waiting with you and Sue, and Kari.
Galya Campano
Lakeland, FL
[I tried the “contact” form; but it looks like it was not working.]
SHSP NGA RKD YGT! Stay strong!!! And enjoy your time with your lovely Kari!
Ken, now that you have the van and can transport Ryan, is there any possibility that he can make an in person appearance at one of these hearings? Safe travels, we’ll be keeping you and your family in prayer.
I will be praying for you Ken…
Saying prayers…….
Prayers for safe travel and prayers for your head and thinking.
Best of luck tomorrow, always thinking of you and your family. xx
I pray that everything goes well!