Lately many people are asking me how I’m doing. My go to response is always, “hanging in there”. It’s true too, I am… and will. I really have no choice. It’s, in many ways, a hell-of-a-life.
I continue to put one foot in front of the other, even when I know the next one could come down smack dab on a land mine. I must keep going. There’s no other option. It’s up to me to be the point man and lead the way. If it’s akin to a mine field we must go through, then it’s my duty to clear the way. All the while, remaining in aggressive pursuit of a nearly hopeless objective. How is this even possible? All I know is it is.
It’s worth the risk. Retreating is never a viable option. To do so would be self-serving and I’d like to think I’m better than that. Well, at least I hope I am but that could easily be my ego fooling me. Let’s face it, I’m not some heroic four-star general leading his troops into battle to save the motherland. The legendary, battle-hardened, leader who knows no fear.
I’m the dad.
That’s not to say I’m not capable of such a noble and courageous thing. I’m certain I am, ego considered. Haven’t I proven this? Yes. Yes, I have. I’m stronger than I ever imagined, but I’m telling you… this is something I wish I never knew. What lick of good does it serve? It’s not like I can put it on my résumé to apply for the next military leader role that opens up. All it amounts to is something I can come on a self-made website and boast about it. Hey! Look at me, everybody! Aren’t you just so damned impressed?
Eh, maybe I’m being too hard (and, equally, keen) on myself.
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
It just takes one look at Ryan to keep me humble. Nothing like seeing his resilience to knock a guy down a peg or two. Hell, I don’t even need to look. His strength practically fills a room with an electric blue aura. Just like others have told me, I too can feel it emanate from him. There’s something in his make-up that only can be felt, that inspires everyone around. Whatever it is — be it a soul or simply biological — it is pristine, enduring, strong, and magnificent.
I dare anyone to suggest someone who is stronger! Oh, what he has overcome. The excruciating agony he’s endured can’t be imagined. You had to see it. Even then, it’s difficult to believe.
Now that I give it some thought, it is Ryan who makes me stronger than I ever imagined.
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You are a great Father Ken. You exemplify what true love is for your son. We are praying for you and ask God to provide you strength and good health. God Bless You.
<3
I am impressed! Think and pray for you all everyday. Hugs.
two kinds of strength … both useful, but the inner strength to not give up is incredibly, incredibly admirable. especially in Ryan and his family. you know, you say that yours is a “hell-of-a-life,” and IF you mean by those words that your life continues on in a lousy way … i’ve gotta say it looks very different in the spiritual world—in the world we can’t see or be fully aware of. i have to wonder if, as is mentioned in at least one old testament happening, there isn’t an uncountable crowd of angels surrounding you. not the fluffy or cute-sy kind that we humans often envision, but the strong, powerful, and awe-inspiring kind. the kind that would defy anyone who dares perpetrate ill will on you, your family, and Ryan. very, very incredible spiritual things are available to you.
Yes, Ken, you are making a huge difference. The love you show for your son is unconditional. And I agree with Rita, I believe you are making a difference for all eternity. I refer back to one of my favorite Randy Travis songs, called “Love Without End Amen”….. “You see daddies don’t just love their children every now and then; it’s a love without end, Amen.” We could all learn a lot from you, my friend. <3 carla
Hi Ken, indeed there is something within Ryan that draws people to him, and not only that, envelops them with — dare I say — love? And peace — kindness — and a quiet but undeniable strength. It’s the kind of thing where, if one is paying attention, it is akin to a light to the soul. Perhaps some are more receptive or open to this than others — I don’t know — but many have felt this when talking with Ryan.
I consider it a unique gift he has, which is in turn a blessing to those who spend time with him. It is a connection that can only be felt via genuine efforts to relate to him — with the knowledge that he does hear, and most likely understands a lot more than we realize. That’s the miracle — that in spite of all the horrific suffering Ryan has endured, along with all the medical procedures, tests, illnesses — he manifests and exudes this extraordinary strength that, once you feel it, you want to be around him more and more. I think, perhaps, some might tap into this more than others, but really, anyone who spends enough time with Ryan will eventually discover it for themselves.
To know Ryan, is to love him, and to be grateful for him.
He is a product of his environment.
To me, he is an amazing human being.
He wouldn’t be here if you and Sue hadn’t given him the chance.
God bless you for having the courage and the strength to do so, for many have benefited from knowing Ryan, and knowing you and your family — some of whom you will never meet, but who are grateful, nonetheless.
Sending my love, hugs and continuing belief, hope and prayers.
Paula
it comes from an indomitable will! 😀
Ken , How can one not be Impressed with you and especially Ryan! ..He looks great and that’s because of the care he gets from Dad, Mom,and Kari and all those who love and support Ryan
Not much more to say then”hanging in there” and thank goodness you are!!!!
Hope your aches and pains aren’t too bad..Love to you all
Gail
You should write a book- all your blogs and insight can help many others who may find themselves in a similar situation, including those with children born handicapped.
Ryan looks great! I love his rugged Mountaineer look in the pic.
I think we all are impressed – by your strength and Ryan’s!
Yes, we are so impressed. Yes we are. And the strength and leadership you demonstrate for this calling on your life that you never asked for are making a difference — ALL the difference for that remarkable son of yours. Some of us believe that you are making a difference for all of eternity in fact. Keep “hanging in there”, Dad Diviney, and we’ll keep sending you all the encouragement and support we can. P.S. You are so right, Ken!
Yes, you’re the Dad. You’re THE Dad. You’re the man who, I hope, inspires and humbles all other dads…without even the desire to do so.