I had my best day in nearly fifteen months yesterday. Kari and I went shopping. We ate entirely too much food. We went to the movies. Then, to top the day off, I got to see most of her and Ryan’s friends.
My day wrapped-up around midnight. I quickly fell asleep and didn’t completely wake until 10 AM. Despite my ordinary troubled dreams, it was the best night of sleep I’ve had since November 7, 2009.
Meanwhile, Sue said her and Ryan had a great day. She was sending my photos throughout the day of her and Ryan. It help ease the anxiety of being away from home. Ryan had a full day of therapy as well.
So, the helpless feeling of being torn is creeping back in. I don’t want to leave, and I don’t want to be away. Last night, while I was with Kari and her friends I had to hold it together. This is where BOTH my children belong. It’s just not fair.
Then, after leaving Kari, I drove past the location of Ryan’s beating. I felt the hate. I was consumed by the lose. It was too much for any parent to bear. I did’t stop or spend time studying the details. I kept moving forward. I will always move forward.