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You are here: Home / News / For the Life of Me, I Can’t Understand the Death of Me: Ryan’s Book

For the Life of Me, I Can’t Understand the Death of Me: Ryan’s Book

April 26, 2016 by Ryan's Rally LLC 32 Comments

I am deeply touched by (mostly) all the comments on yesterday’s post, Breaking The Pattern. I feel as though I should do something to express my gratitude. The best I have to offer is my writing. I’d like to share the opening paragraphs — albeit unedited and in draft form —from the book I’m currently authoring.

[via mannersmentor.com]

[via mannersmentor.com]

Before sharing this, however, I’d like to hear your ideas for the book’s title. Right now I am tentatively calling it Our Turn to Cry. I admit, I like the sound of it and stole it from a highly popular post I wrote in October 2013, Her Turn to Cry: I Want The Old Ryan Back. I’m really proud of this article and hope you take the chance to read it (or re-read it). That post has also guided me as the book develops.

I’m taking an approach to writing this that was inspired from a book I (and Ryan) read when he was in Middle School. It is called The Killer Angels (by Michael Shaara). It is a historical novel of the Civil War, but Shaara added fictional dialogue between real participants. This was brought to the silver screen as the movie Gettysburg.

In The Killer Angels style, mine will be told in Ryan’s voice… at least as how I believe he would tell it.

Again, this is unedited. Truth be told, I haven’t looked at it in probably a year since I wrote it. As I re-read it I can see it needs work, but it should give you an idea of where I heading. I’m letting him speak to me to write his story.


Chapter 1: The World Stopped.

All elements of physics were suddenly frozen… motionless, still, and silent for a flash in time. An instance that seemed to last an eternity.

There was the noticeable absence of existence, this I remember clearly. No smells. No sounds. No light. No feeling. No thought. No emotion. Everything became nothing, as if God had turned His back on His creation. I’m sure it’s different for others, but this is how it felt for me to die. I, literally, didn’t know what — or who — hit me. No one expected it, especially myself.

For the life of me, I can’t understand the death of me.

In an eruption, every particle in the universe came back to life. I found myself in what I can only describe as limbo. Physically trapped in the carnal world that hurt in every cell in my body. Consciously thrust into the spiritual realm where I wasn’t yet quite welcomed.

I was, simultaneously, straddling heaven and earth, so you’ll need to excuse me if I was confused.

Truth be told, I still am. I catch glimpses of things but can’t discern where I am in time and space… what is this eternity that I might, or might not, find myself in now?

If you’ll beg my pardon for my bluntness in introducing myself, well, that would be greatly appreciated. Allow me to give it another try. You might remember me as the all-American boy, but that has all changed. You see, I’m in a deep coma… a place teetering between all I’ve known and all of what will become.

Hi, my name is Ryan Diviney.

This is my story.


There you have it.

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Filed Under: News Tagged With: book, Our Turn to Cry

Comments

  1. Xiom Q says

    May 15, 2016 at 9:41 AM

    I think that the book is going to be amazing through Ryan`s perspective. You could call it cast into oblivion, but for the life of me I can’t understand the death of me is also good.

    Reply
  2. Maria Madigan says

    May 10, 2016 at 11:38 AM

    I love the book The Killer Angels. I’m not a civil war buff but was recommended it after visiting Gettysburg. I love the emotion and self exploration you get from the characters during the Battle of Gettysburg. The style of writing is perfect to tell Ryan’s story. We have all followed your blog posts and have been privileged to see into your world as painful as it is and love a little deeper because of it. I think this a great idea and you are definitely off to a great start.

    Reply
  3. ann h tearle says

    April 29, 2016 at 11:09 AM

    RYAN’S STORY then under it, ‘For the Life of Me I can’t Understand the Death of Me.’ Ken, you had me hungry for more by the first words you wrote. I hope and pray you will find a way to continue on with this book, in the cabin, with Ryan. You can ask him about things…..be interesting to see how it goes. I do like the story from his perspective. Oh, my – reading this intro sent shivers up my spine. Don’t know what is up with that – just thought i’d share it. God bless you, Ryan and Family. SHSP NGA. Love you to the moon and back. Annie xoxo

    Reply
  4. John Maletta says

    April 27, 2016 at 6:19 PM

    I believe that the world is finally emotionally ready to be exposed to my literary genius and scintillating wordplay, so I’ve contacted the Department of Transportation to have them order my new custom license plate. Hey, we all have our gifts, pal. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Kim Schomer says

    April 27, 2016 at 6:04 PM

    Amazing!! Thank you for sharing

    Reply
  6. Nadine Blaschak-Brown via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:58 PM

    Brilliant, Ken! I can think of nothing more profound than hearing Ryan’s expression of all. May it be a cathartic experience for you; give you some level of peace and validation.

    As for the title, I see both as exceptional. Per your suggestion, I re-read “Her Turn to Cry” and see why this drives you. “Our Turn to Cry” will work as Ryan reflects on what he sees happening to his family. Your wife is the heart of your inspiration, so by all means, go with this. Yet, the other, “For the Life of Me, I Can’t Understand the Death of Me…” is incredibly unique and compelling. Either will draw in your followers, however the latter will likely draw readers not familiar with what happened and who are unaware of TBI and its impact on families. Whatever you choose will be amazing, but you already know this.

    Be sure to have a good editor who will allow you to retain your irresistible writing style so that Ryan’s voice, through you, is authentic. Wonderful, wonderful. Congrats and all the best in this, a guaranteed successful, endeavor. Keep going.

    Reply
  7. Gail Doyle says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:27 PM

    Ken, I pray you will continue to write and finish book .From what you wrote, makes one want to read more and more ! Love to you all and Ryan ,you will always be relevant ❤️

    Reply
  8. Cheryl L says

    April 26, 2016 at 10:15 PM

    Engaging style that makes me want to read more. I definitely like the sentence For the life of me, I don’t understand the death of me”. But I don’t like this for a title; it’s too long. My other thought is that Ryan isn’t dead, but I agree he is stuck in limbo. So my suggestion is more along the lines of “Stuck in limbo”. Or “My Life in Limbo”.

    Reply
  9. Sam Masters Durham via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 10:02 PM

    Leaning towards “They’ve Got This” as a title.

    Reply
  10. Pam Sinclair says

    April 26, 2016 at 7:15 PM

    Please complete soon. I am amazed at such wonderful parents you are and I hope that other parents will realize how important it is to instill common sense into their children! Your actions have repercussions to more people than you realize. “For the life if me, I can’t understand the death of me”. Ryan’s story… You need to keep going with that!

    Reply
  11. Jennifer Moore Lovelace via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 7:04 PM

    What a wonderful way to honor Ryan. I cannot wait to read it!

    Reply
  12. Jennifer Lovelace says

    April 26, 2016 at 7:02 PM

    Ken,

    I love “For the life of me, I cannot understand the death of me.” Powerful and riveting. I hope this book it therapeutic and continues to keep Ryan relevant. He will always be relevant to those who matter. My continued prayer is that you, Sue, Ryan and Kari continue to have grace, love and mercy in your life. We adore you!

    Love, Jen

    Reply
    • Jo says

      April 28, 2016 at 6:32 PM

      Agree with Jen!

      Reply
  13. Debby Hostetler Bicanich via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 6:23 PM

    WOW I didn’t know you were writing a book. This may be the opening that gets you the boost you need. So very awesome. I have often been told I should write a book about Corey and TBI but taking care of his takes all my energy. At 66 I have to pace myself LOL. You’ll write an amazing book just like the amazing man you are.

    Reply
  14. Rita Caporicci Hoop via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 6:15 PM

    Or maybe Diviney: Inspired, or Diviney Inspiration. It depends on the tone of the book. Our Turn to Cry focuses on the grief that your family is suffering because of Ryan’s attack and consequent condition. If Ryan’s story is meant to be more inspirational (because the Divineys do inspire us every day!), then let Ryan tell us that right from the start. Just my two cents 🙂

    Reply
  15. Rita Hoop says

    April 26, 2016 at 6:02 PM

    This is going to be powerful, especially since you are giving Ryan a voice to tell his own story. From his perspective, and yours, the book is Diviney Inspired (another possible title?). I’m just beginning to work on some ideas for a book of my own and would love to help with yours in any way I can. Keep writing — it’s great therapy!

    Reply
  16. John Maletta says

    April 26, 2016 at 5:22 PM

    That’s an excellent idea on so many levels, Ken! I loved The Killer Angels book. I found his writing style so captivating. I’m fascinated to see what you’ll create.

    Reply
  17. Pat Dyer says

    April 26, 2016 at 3:09 PM

    The intro just grips the heart and pulls you in to what you know is a horrible story, but to be told from Ryan’s “voice” almost leaves one breathless. You are an excellent writer and this book must be written for Ryan’s sake, your sake, as well all of us. Take your time and do the wonderful work that I know you will do.

    Reply
  18. Liza Krause via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 3:05 PM

    I also feel the title is perfect!
    You are so good at expressing yourself.
    I continued to pray for you all✨

    Reply
  19. Carla Liberty says

    April 26, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    Gripping sensory imagery.

    Ken, I hope the writing continues full-throttle. You have no idea what a gift you have.

    Prayers continue for you, Ryan, Kari and Sue.

    Love and light,
    carla

    Reply
  20. Janelle says

    April 26, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    Wow!! Writing this book is a wonderful idea! I love the title! I love the beginning! And please always remember I love y’all!! Y’all are always in my thoughts and the pictures are on the frig!! Miss y’all!!

    Reply
  21. Barb Navarini-Higgins via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 12:48 PM

    I haven’t read it yet Ken, but I’m honored to just know you …I am in awe of your unconditional love that you have for your family. You are a good man …and there aren’t too many good men around.

    Reply
  22. Will Nier says

    April 26, 2016 at 12:44 PM

    Develop the book it will be good therapy.

    Reply
  23. Mary T says

    April 26, 2016 at 12:11 PM

    Awesome!!! Keep going!! I can’t wait to read it in its entirety! Always thinking of you guys!!!

    Reply
  24. Kristina Marie via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:42 AM

    Excellent intro paragraph. I actually like “For the Life of Me, I Can’t Understand the Death of Me”.

    Reply
  25. Meg says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:34 AM

    The Death of Me would an engaging title. I’m glad to hear you are writing. A lot of times people can come to a lot of realizations or conclusions through writing. Hope this is helping you as well as Ryan!

    Reply
  26. Caitlin Bennett says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:29 AM

    Just reading this has made me want to cry for Ryan, for you, for your family. If only the tears of a stranger could be any comfort for you. I look forward to reading more when the time comes and you can bet I will be one of the first to buy the finish product.

    Reply
  27. Sue Bennett Markley via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:24 AM

    Whatever title you choose, it will be perfect. You have the gift of expressing your thoughts and the bond your family has will fill those pages with everything Ryan would say if he could. This book will be a best seller.

    Reply
  28. Angela Reed says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:24 AM

    Honestly, “For the life of me, I can’t understand the death of me, ” just makes me want to read it. I think that would make one great title.

    Reply
  29. Michaela Hartley via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 11:21 AM

    That’s awesome ❤

    Reply
  30. Jaimi Dean Franus via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 10:42 AM

    My immediate reaction to the title and the style…perfect. Following ‘The Killer Angels’ style is going to be so poignant and captivating. March on, Ken <3 <3

    Reply
  31. Jen Marie Malone via Facebook says

    April 26, 2016 at 10:34 AM

    You are so amazing at writing! Xo

    Reply

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