We Got This!

"I tell him I tried. I tried to keep memory alive; I tried to fight those who would forget. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. There is so much injustice & suffering crying out for our attention. We must take sides. We must interfere. -E.W.

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Ryan Home from ICU: Photos & Video

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Yep, the past 3 days were rough. So intensely difficult on Ryan and my family. As most know, yesterday was my birthday. It was absolutely the worst one in all the 50 I’ve had. More on that later…

Also, if you need a quick recap on why his surgery is necessary, click here.

Below are several pictures that chronicle the time. You can navigate between photos by clicking on the dots below it, or just let it scroll automatically.

  • Driving to surgery in the middle of the night. We were up at 4AM and on the road around 4:30.

 

Here is a news broadcast — Channel 5 out of West Virginia — that ran the evening following his surgery. Like you, I will be watching it for the first time after I publish today’s post.

 

Back to my birthday. I COMPLETELY forgot about it. It wasn’t until late-morning that I was reminded when Sue (rather apologetically) said, “Oh my God, Happy Birthday!”and told me that she couldn’t give me a breakfast in bed, but how about bringing something up from the hospital’s cafeteria? She had every excuse in the world for forgetting about it… hell, I did too! Anyhow, this all happened around eleven in the morning. Breakfast in bed was impossible for two reasons: 1) I had no bed, and 2) breakfast was no longer being served. So, I had lunch in a chair… and we just couldn’t help but to laugh about it.

We also knew this was not going to be “happy” because we’ve been through five of these since Ryan was so brutally beaten. Most were spent in a hospital or rehabilitation center since. Remember Sue’s last birthday? We spent it in the hospital as Ryan was having surgery for kidney stones removal.

Birthdays — like other holidays — are simply emotionally painful. It was no different this year. Truth is, I have yet to open even a single present. Not because I’m not excited or appreciative. I simply have neither been in the right state-of-mind nor had the time!

Many asked what they might do for me on my day. Yes, my reply to you is belated (for circumstances we all understand), but no less important. Actually, there are two things. First and foremost, keep Ryan in your thoughts over the next year. Second, in solidarity with over 157,00 others, sign the Anti-Parole Petition to keep Austin Vantrease in prison. If you already signed it then ask (or get permission from) another to join in!

Austin Vantrease, criminally convicted of felonious Malicious Assault, is currently imprisoned at the St. Mary’s Correctional Center for the incarceration of “felons who have been convicted of severe crimes against man…”

Comments

  2. Hi Ken! I hope things are going better. As I commented, Tim & I were in NY City for the long Pride Weekend. We staggered home last night too exhausted to do more than collapse on the sofa! I did offer you folks up in prayer at St. Luke in the Fields, wonderful caring Episcopal church in the West Village. You were, I assure you not far from my thoughts in all the busyness and sometimes craziness of Pride Weekend!

    i posted on Facebook urging people to check out Ryan’s Rally & sign the petition. When i started to share it after signing the petition, change.org wanted contacts for my FB friends & perhaps email contacts. There may be little privacy online today. It’s why my niece & her husband wont allow my middle grandniece to actually post the prototype family website she created. (She’s 8 but had plenty of help from big sister age 20!) But I did not want to violate everyone else’s privacy. I only hope all this does some good and some people checked out your FB page etc., and signed the petition themselves.

    I still think if this had been a sex crime or theyd found a microgram of pot or heroin on these guys they would’ve sent them “up the river” for life. we had a case locally where a group of young thugs assaulted a man in a movie theater when he told them they were disturbing him & his young daughter. They got slapped on the wrist, told they were naughty boys, some processed in family court because they were juveniles, for God’s sake. But not too young to viciously assault the man, leaving him critically injured.
    So, Ken, as you know from these postings, you are not alone. Your number, alas, is legion.

    I hope you are in contact with/receiving services from a local chapter of the Brain Injury Association. If there’s an Independent Living Center near you, do reach out to them. They can be of enormous help. If you go to cdiny.org, that’s New York City’s amazing Independent Living Center, Ask them if there’s an ILC & Brain Injury Association in your area. There may be many ways they both can help. While we were waiting (forever!) to enter the line of March w/the Episcopal Diocese of NY, we were talking w/someone we know whose brother suffered a severe TBI, falling down 2 flights of stairs. Their local Brain Injury Association and ILC were of enormous help.

    God bless. Please keep us posted.
    PK & Tim

  8. Rather than comment on the heaviness of this entire experience, I want to add a bit of sunshine….. I really did not like the haircut the hospital gave him. I am glad you cut the rest of his hair, it will all grow in the same now. 🙂

    AND I love that you put him back to work so quickly. No rest for the weary I suppose! You rock as a therapist and if half the people out there worked as hard as Ryan our world would be a few less rehab centers!

    Happy birthday too!!!!

  9. So sad to see the pictures of Ryan. I hope the parole board is able to see them prior to making their decision. There can be no early release. I hope the judge who sentenced Austin is also able to see them. He was not strong enough to hand out the longest sentence possible, and sadly Jon May got off with a very light sentence and no felony conviction. But look at Ryan! Biking away just a few days post op, he is more of a man than any of them. God bless The Diviney family.

  11. Glad Ryan is home. Happy Birthday Ken. Bitter sweet as it, you are an amazing person, husband, and, of course father. Few of us understand the depth of your pain, and the power of your love.

  12. Ego and false pride are the biggest downfalls of humankind — the ego when people believe they are entitled to behave in any manner they wish. False pride when people refuse to admit when they’ve done wrong. There is no genuine happiness or peace of mind for people who steep in these behaviors. They walk the planet outwardly smug but inwardly being eaten alive with negativity.

    The only remedy for this brokenness is to find the courage within to not only admit wrongdoing but also to do something about it. The clichés “talk is cheap” and “actions speak louder than words” apply here. If you find yourself constantly trying to justify, rationalize or defend yourself for pain you have deliberately inflicted upon others, either by your words, your actions, or your lack of actions, do yourself a favor and think about why you’re here on this planet. Only bonafide sociopaths truly lack the ability to be honest as well as the ability to show empathy and compassion. Everyone else who attacks and robs other people of their well being and peace of mind are doing so because they believe they are entitled to behave this way. It is aberrant, inhumane, uncivilized behavior. It is cruel, ugly and destructive. It is heartless.

    VanTrease and May families, I am talking to you.

  14. Think I have sent the right info, and signed the petition to keep that creep in prison– why would it even be considered is beyond me. Sending more prayers for Ryan and family as this has to be a really tough time for all.

  16. The pictures break my heart for all of you! The petition had been signed and shared. Please let me do something for you. Anything. Your family is so loved, by so many! Keeping the faith! Love to all of you!

  17. OMG this looks just like Corey did after they replaced his skull. I shaved all of Coreys hair in the hospital with a razor the neurosurgeon loaned me. We were there 132 days. How did they let him come home that fast? WOW I hope he shows great improvement in the next few weeks. Hi Ryan glad to see you’re home.

  18. I’m so sorry you’ve all had to go through all this. You deserve to enjoy your birthday. Ryan deserves to enjoy his life.

    I posted on Facebook about the petition, etc. Change.org would have, I fear, compromised the privacy of my FB friends. I didn’t want that to happen. We may not have much privacy left–online or otherwise–but I don’t want to violate whatever privacy people do have.

    I wish you a happy birthday, Ken, and a prayer that everything will work out for ALL of you and maybe your 51st will be truly a happy birthday. (I have 20 years on you. See a lot of s–t over the years. I can only have faith that, somehow, if not in this life then the next, it will all come out right. I remain a devout Christian–Roman cum Episcopalian–and I have faith that somehow, in the end, God DOES “set all things right, in heaven and on earth.” Sometimes it seems life does suck. But we have to keep going forward, putting one foot in front of the other.

    My husband & I are leaving for Pride Weekend in NY tomorrow. we will have very limited computer access till Monday. Tim’s laptop will be safely locked in his desk, in his locked office at the college where he teaches. I will check posts on my Android but it’s difficult to reply on it. Know that you are in my prayers. Our Prayer Table was washed out, yesterday–torrential rains, serious flooding in some areas. My niece said they had more water in their backyard than their swimming pool. We seem to be having a monsoon season!

    God bless,
    PK & Tim

  20. No words Ken, Thinking of you all and praying for Ryan to feel better real soon. You all are AMAZING. Praying also for parole to be DENIED!!!
    with <3 Gail

  21. I’m definitely still keeping you and your family in my daily thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

  23. Ken,

    You and Sue need to find a way for some alone time! Somehow some way!

  26. My heart breaks for Ryan and all of you and I pray for each of you often. My birthday gift to you is that I signed the petition last week. Would sign a million of them if it would help!

  27. Ryan has truly shown his strength and you are amazing parents. I pray you jeep fighting and never give up.

  29. Petition signed. Prayers for Ryan’s complete healing! Hoping that those who make decisions at the parole hearing make wise ones…taking into full account the violent crime Vantrease committed and the lasting impact his vicious attack has on Ryan, his family and friends.

  32. This is so incredibly heartbreaking. Please share these pictures of Ryan with the parole board if you can, and make sure that Vantrease sees what his actions continue to put you all through.. Praying, as always, for healing and justice. We love you Divineys!

  33. Petition has been signed.
    Continued prayer for Ryan’s complete healing…and strength for your family to face the next parole hearing.

  37. Ken, myself and my boys, Bryan and Ben, have already signed the petition, but plan to again submit our written letters to the parole board requesting that parole be denied for Vantrease. Sending positive and healing thoughts to all of you.

  38. Just signed and shared on my Facebook Ken. Happy Birthday to you and your sweet family. I’m so sad seeing Ryan after his surgery. Its not fair that he’s still suffering so much almost 5 years after the attack.how dare that monster file for parole! I promise to reach as many people personally as I can and get them to sign the petition. Its the least I can do. #teamdiviney

  40. Awful! I am so sorry you all have to go through this…of course I signed the petition. Keeping Ryan in my thoughts and prayers

  41. My heart goes out to you so much, Ken (and the entire Diviney family of course). Although birthdays don’t mean much anymore, please know that so many of us are sending and have sent you the very warmest of birthday wishes. You are such a doting and devoted dad, your kids are a testament to that. My wish for you, (aside from Ryan recovering from this whole horrific ordeal) would be that 1) you KNOW and truly believe everything we all see. YOU are one in a million and you have risen higher than I figured would even be possible when it comes to caring for Ryan. You have sacrificed your “life” to give Ryan as much of a life as possible, to keep him here and well, I don’t even think Drs could do it as well as you have, Ken. You ARE TRULY a hero and an angel on earth. And my last wish would be for you to receive as much love as you give and have everything you have given up, bestowed to you in as many wonderful ways as possible. We all love you and Ryan and Sue and Kari…if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here. So glad Ryan is home and we all pray he makes a full and speedy recovery. Happy Birthday Ken!

  42. So sad that this happened but at least he has An amazing family n support system you’re all I’m my thoughts n prayers my brother was shot 9 times in a random act of violence they didn’t think he’d live but he’s here today we have issues we deal with but he’s our miracle just like Ryan is yours

  49. I’m sorry about this nightmare you’re living in. It breaks my heart. I definitely sign bed the petition and will keep you’re family in my prayers always. Xoxoxoxo

  56. Our hearts go out to all of you and we continue to keep you in our prayers. Would be interested in hearing if the doctors gave you a reason as to WHY the the prosthesis started to protrude and what they can do to make the next one better. No doubt that Ryan will be well cared for by you all.

    • It began to protrude because his scalp was rubbing on the edge. It’s somewhat uncommon for this to happen, but certainly not unheard of occurring.

      The next prosthesis will NOT be titanium mesh. It will be a polymer specifically designed for his cranial dimension and shape; using a CT Scan taken two days ago.

  58. Sickening feelings that y’all had to go thru this. You’re right, TBI presents challenge after challenge that never end. So sorry that your humble and loving family have to handle this every single day.

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Ryan's Rally, ℅ Ken Diviney
21092 Carthagena Ct.
Ashburn, VA 20147
kdiviney@ryansrally.org