Dropping Kari Off at College Last Year
Like any parent, dropping your child off to begin their college career is emotional. When I was finally able to pull Sue away from Ryan on his first day, she cried the entire ride home. I made sure to keep my sunglasses on as I was welling up too. I originally bought these sunglasses to hide my eyes so I didn’t look like a creep checking out the ladies (Okay Sue, I finally admit it!). I never thought they’d bail me out of hiding my teary eyes. Thank goodness it was a sunny day!
It is a mixture of pride and lose as we drove away from campus.
Last August I drove Kari to school. The ride was filled with my words of advice (which, to my surprise, she mostly listened). I assured her that she would make tons a friends. I gave her tips on reducing stress. I stressed the importance of going to class. Well, I did everything one would expect.
When it came time to finally leave her, I was torn. I wanted to grab her and take her back with me. I never wanted to leave, but had an equal force wanting me to get back to Ryan. I was split right down the middle. Kari was where she was supposed to be. Ryan should have been with her.
As I turn to walk away, she calls out to me. In the small lawn in front of her dorm, with people scurrying all around in the hot August day, she asks me “Daddy, is it okay that I’m leaving the family now?”.
The Drive to New Jersey
Again, thank goodness for sunglasses! I spent the six hours on the interstates wailing. I was literally wailing! I tried everything I could think of to pull it together. The only thing that broke me out was a thunderstorm so intense I had no choice but to focus 100% on driving. Mercifully, this was about 30 minutes out from Kessler and by the time I arrived I looked no worse for the wear.
Last Night
Kari made plans to go out with Katie Mesmer, a close friend of the entire family who most of you know through this blog. Kari’s phone rings and it is Katie saying she’s in front of the house. Kari grabs her belongings and stops. I can tell she is bothered by something.
She looks back at me and asks a question she has asked many times before, “Is it okay that I’m going out?”. I reassure her that it’s not only okay, but it’s expected. “I feel guilty”, she tells me, “Ryan should be doing the same thing. Please don’t tell him I’m out”.
I did as Kari asked. Minutes later I looked just plain silly wearing my sunglasses… indoors… at night.
Ken ,Must be so very hard for all of you with so many emotions going on..Very sweet picture of Kari and Ryan and somehow ,someway things will be better Wishing a good day for you ,and for Ryan to have a calm day Still thinking of you all and still here praying Hugs to Ryan and Kari!!!! Love Gail
It’s not only Kari that seems to feel guilty – I’ll be on the treadmill thinking of Ryan and thinking that he should be able to do this also. There are so many feelings that revert to Ryan on a daily basis and I’ve never met you, Ryan, Kari or Sue. It’s the simple things that so many of take for granted. My boys are 21 and 23, every time they leave, I’m scared. It’s a hard lesson we learn when something hits home like this. Again, I’m not sure why your family has touched my life the way it has. I hope that you and Ryan have a peaceful day. My hope is that some day Ryan and Kari will be leaving to be with friends together. Let’s hold on to that.
I feel the same way about leaving my 22 and 24 year old…..every time.
I need some sunglasses right now.
Ditto, Kathryn!
DITTO! Still here<3
Hello Ken, often times your ability to capture both mundane and monumental moments with your pen is breathtaking.
What happened to Ryan has affected so many of us, in big ways and small. I can’t go out to dinner with my family without thinking of your family. Something as simple as that has been robbed from you, and it’s such a minor thing, I know — but something most families just take for granted.
You always seem to know the right things to say to your kids to help them navigate through the tough situations of life. I’m sure Kari is grateful for the things you say that help her feel secure and encouraged. I’m sure Ryan is comforted and strengthened by the thoughts you share with him. Likewise, beautiful Sue.
To sweet Kari: there’s an old song that goes:
“Be young, be foolish, but be happy
Don’t let the rain get you down, it’s a waste of time
Have your fun, live everyday in the bright sunshine
Don’t let love slip away, slip away
Live your life for today, for today
Reach for the sky, touch your star, and then you find your dream
Cause dreamin’ alone, it’s a shame indeed
But if you got love that’s all you need…”
Kari, you deserve to be happy, enjoy your life and always continue to be the same fun loving beautiful young lady. We all love you and want you to have all the best things in life. Hugs to you, Kari, and I am praying for you to have a fun time this summer with your family and your friends <3
Sending my love & prayers, always…Paula
I agree. Kari, your brother knows how much you love him and have been there for your family. I know Ryan wants you to go out and enjoy time with your friends. Just keep giving him all those hugs and, next thing you know, it will be him going out with you.
So heartwrenching, but so touching too. What a blessing to have a daughter like Kari who is so full of compassion for her brother! We know that God has big plans for her too… You and Sue must be so very proud of your kids. Lots of love and hugs to all 4 of you!
“Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
We care about you, too. Still here with love and prayers for all.
Just to be silly, and hopefully give you a laugh…I’m going to post a link to a VERY cheesy song from your own college days.
“Sunglasses At Night” by Corey Hart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJlH_1I8c-A&feature=related
I hope you enjoyed it. This one used to get played a lot at frat parties I went to. LOL.
Know it by heart!
Ken and Sue,
I’ve written you privately thru email, but almost every thing that i read from you hits my heart and my life very similarly, as my son craig is at home with us like ryan. i am struggling as you do with what craig “would have been and should be doing”. His friends keep coming by with wonderful stories of where they’ve travelled and where they are working this summer and i know craig would have had exciting tales to tell. similarly, our youngest son jason, will leave for penn state in august. we should have been empty nesters, but instead we are lovingly locked in to caring for craig. i feel for our kids…Kari, Jason and our older 2 sons who are married and on their own, for having to bare this burden.
[sigh]
. Whoa. No words but still here, still fighting.
Pictures speak 1000 words – I had a twin brother, who I was very close to. He died in an accident when I was 23 and in college. Reading yoru blog and seeing these pictures of Kari and Ryan make me think back to our own sweet relationship and all of the things he never got to be part of. I, like Kari, went through those same feelings of “surivior’s guilt”. Ryan would want her to move forward and live her life though.
I’ll keep it simple…just this once:) SHSP~
Ken, your as bad as Oprah, either making me cry or laugh. GOD Bless you all.