I’m making a few changes to (hopefully) uncomplicate certain aspects. There are two things in particular on which I’m focused. First, streamlining communications with me and, second, how to change my day-by-day living. The latter is available because I believe Ryan is physically stable; in a medical sense, that is.
Communications:
- I permanently shut down the text/telephone number, 571-305-2662, that was set-up several years ago (2012, I believe).
- The public Facebook Page Ryan’s Rally: We Got This will continue operation, but my personal Facebook account is inactive; to include messaging and posting. If my life ever changes, I might begin using it once again.
- If you wish to contact anyone in my family, please use the email kdiviney@ryansrally.org. By sending a message to this email it will reach multiple people in my family.
To summarize, email is now the ONLY way to reach my family. This just seems to be the easiest method.
Daily Living:
In another effort to “simplify”, I intend to take Ryan to our family’s cabin in West Virginia on an extended (perhaps even semi-permanent) basis.
I’ve actually been kicking this around for a while.
I keep asking myself if there is a compelling reason(s) not to take him there? I wonder, what is keeping us here?
It’s not my family. My daughter, Kari, has begun building her own life. My wife, Sue, must travel so often that she is typically away on business for five days each week.
It’s not friends. Sadly, people have moved on in their lives and we don’t benefit from the local support we once experienced. I, solely, take the blame for this. The fact is, there is too much preventing me from being a true friend with people. I’d even go so far as to say that by trying to build personal relationships it eventually harms me and those involved.
It’s not fair to anyone.
In the scheme of things, most people will not notice any difference based on where I physically put myself. Mainly because I’ll keep an online presence on Ryan’s Facebook Page and this website (ryansrally.org); to include Ryan’s Wish List. I hope to keep myself accessible — albeit, more streamlined — by whittling down direct communications to email, exclusively.
While you’re in West Virginia for an extended or semi-permanent basis, to what does Sue come home?
Godspeed. Will the Amazon gift list still go to the Ashburn house?
Ken,
If going to the cabin gives you some level of peace and comfort, then I think it will benefit you both. However, I do worry about you being far away from help. And I absolutely hate the fact that there will be no nursing services available to you.
Wishing you strength as you face this new journey.
My prayers continue for you, Ryan, Sue, and Kari. SHSP, NGA.
Love and light,
carla
Hi Ken, being off the grid (in a manner of speaking) can be a restorative thing. We live in a lovely area, but sometimes it does feel a bit “cold” if you know what I mean. And I say that without any judgement, just a feeling I sometimes have. The cabin may be isolated, but from what I hear, it’s surrounded with an abundance of natural beauty. Being the writer that you are, I imagine this serene environment might stimulate that part of you more. What’s not to like — there are the green and blue mountains strewn with wildflowers, clear skies that allow you to see all the stars and magic of the sky we cannot see here, countless songbirds that accompany the sunrise, and breathtaking hues of neon pastels that color the sunsets. I imagine the summer twilight is accompanied by the cicadas singing goodnight beneath a tranquil moon. There is a calm and a freedom not found here. Perhaps if there is any peace to be had, there is a better chance of finding it in a place where nature presents in its finest glory. I heard there is even a fishing spot : ) I pray this beautiful place will be a blessing to you and Ryan. You and your family are daily in my thoughts and always in my prayers. I can almost see the sun glinting off the mountains and the trees flowering in pinks and purples. Please communicate with us if the spirit moves you, but either way, we’ll still be in here in the somnolent suburbs sipping saccharine while you savor some sweet sweet soulwater wine ; )
Love & hugs, prayers, good thoughts, keeping the faith always
Paula
My first thought while reading this post and people’s reactions is “you must put on your own oxygen mask first to be able to help those traveling with you”. You need to do what would truly make you more content. With this said, I hope you will keep in mind that isolation can be refreshing, but it can also be lonely. Do you have a support group? Please know that you have not been forgotten, even by strangers such as myself. I pray you make the right decision for yourself in making a move. You need to find some happiness, indeed your own oxygen mask, so you can help those traveling with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don’t know what to say. I mean, I support you in anything you do that will make your life easier — and I hope this change in your living situation does just that. I definitely see the need for streamlined communication. Will there be an address forthcoming for those who would like to send you and Ryan care packages?
I suppose the snowstorm and harm to Ryan’s van became opportunity to see another way of living. Opportunities are invaluable, yet…
I’m sorry you feel it’s best to isolate yourself further. And I guess this is where I’m a lone voice here. I don’t believe ongoing isolation is healthy. Makes me want to scream in agony for you and shake some sense into you. Then again, ever since Ryan shared his opinion about a sports team, everything has been senseless. How can you be happy? Happiness doesn’t seem to be the motivation in this. I bet you haven’t truly felt that emotion for a very long time. Your life, what’s left of it, is a tragedy. It’s just getting through moment by moment.
Yet, what do I know? Clearly nothing. But…
Agony. It’s what I feel when I read and re-read this post. No. This isn’t a decision of happiness. Yet for you to make this decision and write about it had to have been unbearable agony. I fear for you. Very much. I can only hope you will find a balance of sorts.
Mostly, I’m so very, very sorry that friendships have brought you harm. I’m sure you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: No one ever intended to hurt you. Your friends lives are all the better for having you in it, in whatever form. And that kind of hurt is worth it. Most definitely. Your real true friends will always be there for you and will love you forever…when you’re ready…when needed…when wanted. Just open the door. Please remember.
Keep going. ❤️⚓️
Very well said, Nadine.
Dear Ken , Been thinking all day about reading your post and if you’re happier going to WV then do it I just don’t want you to feel more alone and isolated . Please, never stop posting ,Always wanting to hear about you and Ryan and all .If I can do anything ever let me know Whether prayers or any way I could help Will you be able to get help from nursing at all? Hope I can still visit with Ryan if I get down that way God bless you And love to you Sue ,Ryan and Kari SHSP NGA NEGU. LOVE Gail
Wishing you and your family peace
I’m hoping some people go through and read other’s comments ….
The part that stood out is the ” friends” …
So I’m shout out shaming the people … Mostly the men that have abandoned you I know you are too nice to say it … That’s what friends do … They say stuff for you . They stand up and say what you wish you could say !!!
So if you used to consider yourself Ken’s ” man friends” and have abandoned him … And you are reading this …You can redeem yourselves !!’ Call him … Get him out for drinks ! If you are reading this and know one of his old buddies .., tell them what I just said !
Ken needs male support ! He is alone with Ryan and needs interaction! Take those snow days and multiply them by almost seven years !!! How would you feel ? Huh ??!! That’s Ken’s life !
Love you Ken …
Know Ken that you are always on my mind. One of the things that happens to a caregiver is that life goes on with our friends but ours stay the same each day. Sometimes it feels like we have been left behind. We can identify with our friends lives because we once had the same life but they just can’t identify with ours. You don’t have anyone to chat with that’s doing what we are doing… so life can get lonely. I hope the Hills of our beautiful WV will give you some relaxing care free time with Ryan. Don’t drop out completely we will miss you. I just wish I could do something to make everything better for you and for Ryan.
My old cell died but you can send me a message on Facebook and I can give you my new cell number.
By god if you have a happy place during this journey, please please pack yours and Ryan’s stuff and go. TBI is a very lonely world especially as the caregiver and I agree with everything you wrote because I lived it as did my son. Go be where it makes you happiest xox
If you want to do this go for it, only you can make this decision. Ryan and your family will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Good-luck and God bless you all. You are a great Dad!!
You could hide out in the hills of Appalachia and I’d find you old buddy, no worries, always gonna be here.
Some people will notice the absence of the Diviney men in Ashburn, but you know where to find us, and you guys are always in our hearts wherever you are. We love you and your gorgeous girls very much. Be happy where you need to be, and we know that Ryan is in the most loving and capable hands wherever that is <3
You must do what is best for you and Ryan. I keep you all in my prayers.
If you are happy at the cabin, go for it! You need to be where you feel at peace…if that is even possible. I continue to pray for you and your family. I wish I could lesson the burden on your heart but all I can do it pray. You are so strong. But the strong also need help. Don’t forget to ask if you need it….
I pray every day that you and Ryan find peace. And I will continue. But I hope you have access to emergency care if it should be needed!! Change of scenery is good but don’t do it to run away from those who care ! God bless in your journey to find peace
Only you can make the call. I pray that going to WV doesn’t eliminate help from a night nurse. Continued prayers.
No nursing is available… but it’s been rough here in Virginia too.
Please let us know how to get wish list items to you & Ryan. Prayers and blessings to you, Ryan and the rest of the family.
The list can be found by clicking on the “GIVE” menu, or by directly going to: https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=nav_wishlist_btn
Streamlining your life isn’t a bad thing…because dealing with people, even benevolent ones, cuts into time that you need for you. You have to take care of you effectively before you can care for Ryan! Take care, be well and know that we are just a newsflash away if you need or want us!
Best wishes….and you Got This!!
Only you know what is truly best for you & your family! Change is sometimes necessary, and can be a very good thing too. I will continue to keep you all, especially Ryan, in my thoughts & prayers. Best wishes to you, Ken, and your entire family. I admire all you have done & continue to do for yourself, your family, and Ryan.
Best of luck to you and your family. Continued prayers and healing thoughts sending your way.
Best of luck to you and your family.Please keep updating too. Sending lots of love. xx
SHSP NGA – Love and continued prayers, until my last breath. You are always in my heart. God bless.
You Have to do what’s best for you and Ryan. This is a good change. I feel like your so alone and it hurts. I could be wrong. I want to say . I use your story as an example to children and teens. I show them pictures . I have to say some it truly made a difference and made them think twice about fighting, bullying, or even starting trouble. So thank you! Thank you for sharing With us and keeping us posted. My heart goes out to you. It is not fair, I not only feel Ryan was Robbed of life but so were you. Prayers and hugs to you!!!
Keep up the awesome job with your son keith!! You are an amazing dad!!
I can’t imagine what you have been through. You should always do what is best for you and your beautiful son. Prayers for you all!
Continued prayers
Best of luck, Ken. A change in scenery is often good for the soul. We will continue to keep a watchful eye over the homestead for you. Godspeed.
Is there is a compelling reason(s) to take him there? I understand wanting to simplify but you will be further away from basic places like stores and it will be more difficult for emergency services to reach you. You’ve been in this war long enough to know Ryan can change in a minute and every second counts to get him emergency care. I’m also worried about your mental health – seeking isolation is usually not a good sign. Lastly the thugs that beat Ryan have taken so much – are you going to let them take your home? I support you unconditionally but I am worried.
I think this change will be a good thing. You have to do what’s best for you. Hang in there and I’m always praying for you all.
I love the woods! I grew up in the woods and miss not having total access to them. Spring is so beautiful–birds singing, leaves emerging–everything is alive in Spring! Cannot think if a happier place for Ryan!
SHSP, NGA! Love
As always, you guys will be in my prayers. Country roads, take me home…
I miss your updates on Ryan ken but you have to do what is best for your family and that includes YOU. People do move on and it is sad but don’t be too hard on yourself. What you have had to endure and continue to endure is more than anyone could ever imagine
You do what is best for you and for your family. We still follow and support you from afar. Take care of each other and try to stay strong.
Good to hear you are taking charge of your life. If those WV hills make you happier, then happier you will be in your day to day life with Ryan. It’s sad enough to think that Ryan needs to be taken care of 24/7, but then to know that for the most part , it’s falling on your shoulders pretty much alone. I said a prayer for Ryan last night, that there can still be some healing for Ryan’s TBI, and that his healing can give his family the HOPE, some light to show you all that people still keep your family in our prayers. Stay strong….Ryan needs a strong shoulder to lean on, but take care of yourself too.
I hope you find some comfort in whatever decision you make – i do miss your daily posts and updates on Ryan. I hope he is doing well.
Good luck Ken. Sometimes change is good
If you and Ryan are happy at the Cabin, then I say go for it..
The different surroundings will be good therapy for both of you.
Best of luck what ever you decide Ken
The WV cabin seems to be your “happy place”. Go for it! You and Ryan will be happy there, I know. God bless you both. You are a wonderful father, husband, human being, and friend. Thank you!
I agree, sometime a little changing up is good for the soul. Just remember, we are always here.