How many times have I heard it? A thousand? Yes, at least a thousand. All I know for sure is it’s too many times to count. At least for me with everything I have going on. What, you ask, am I referring? Let me tell you.
“The Diviney family is a constant reminder that…”
Here is where you can finish the statement.
Probably the most used ending to this is “… life can change in the blink of an eye”. Sure, there are many variations of this, but it all comes back to the same premise. When I speak of variations, I mean statements like “…today should be taken for granted, because tomorrow is no guarantee”. You get the idea, right?
You should know that I hate being a constant reminder. It bothers me that this has become my identity. Aside from, perhaps, my birthday, I’d rather not even be an occasional reminder. I want to be just like most everyone else. To be reminded of me for whatever reason other than “the blink of an eye”. The possibilities are endless in ways. I could be the guy who was good at sports in his younger days… or the dad who never missed his child’s events… or the professional who is good at his job… or the neighbor who has an enormous dandelion problem with his lawn. Anything, really. Anything but this. I’d rather I reminded you of nothing.
At least nothing in particular. Nothing that really matters.
With that said, you should also know that I willingly accepted my role as a constant reminder; my hatred of such be damned! I’m like a God forsaken snooze-alarm that won’t be silenced. I’m the almost-dead smoke detector that just keeps chirping. I just keep poking at people, gently reminding them to pay attention.
Let’s face it, had I not, then how many would have learned of my son… let alone remember him? How about all those who remembered his attack (i.e., “I remember seeing this on TV when it happened”) but not make the connection until months or years later?
As painful as it is for me, I opened our lives for all to see. I hold very little back.
Yes, by doing so it serves as a reminder to you that this life… this day… this very minute… is precious. It must not be squandered or taken for granted. There is no assurance that the next will be the same, or better, or there at all.
__________
My inspiration for today’s post came from a piece where Ryan — and my family — loom large in the story. It’s a touching article, written by long time follower Lorraine Lundqvist, that certainly should be read.
Here is an excerpt from it:
Ryan Diviney lives in our town. He went to our schools, attended our college, knew our friends. His mother had parent-teacher conferences with our teachers. Ken cheered Ryan on at sporting events that we attended or attend today. They barbecued with friends, laughed over a beer or two, spoke with pride about their children and life was normal. Ken and Sue rejoiced in the life they built together, the pride they felt in their children and life was good, lIfe was happy.
And then, in the blink of an eye normalcy was taken away.
The title is, appropriately, In the Blink of an Eye on the website Blogging Midlife.
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Praying for Ryan and your Family daily <3 <3
The Divineys are a constant reminder that you must never lose hope!
You never know what tomorrow brings. Live life to its fullest. Amazing things will happen!!
The way I look at it is like this: My heart breaks over and over again each time I’m reminded of your family’s struggle. That’s ok.. I can bear it. It’s the very least I can do for you. I know you would do the same for me. Love from Leesburg VA -Kay
Not only have you been so successful in keeping Ryan relevant, I also believe the broad social media coverage is heightening people’s awareness about physical violence, and why it is unacceptable for our society.
Wow, these words brought tears to my eyes. Ken you are doing such a wonderful job for Ryan and your Family. God Bless you always <3 <3 Praying for Ryan and your Family daily <3 <3
Well, I think that you and your family have made a positive impact on many people and taught us things. This role wasn’t your family’s choice. However, you ended up impacting many, teaching strength, and changing us for the better.
Ken, we’re also reminded of what a great, fabulous, self sacrificing guy you are…and strive to be more like you.
Thanks for the reminder Ken. You are stronger than I think I could ever be – just wish you didn’t need to be. I’ve told Ryan’s story a thousand times and will likely tell it one thousand more, with a hope that someone will learn something from it and prevent it from happening again. You guys remain in our thoughts and prayers.
When I think of what you face 24/7, I marvel at your strength. I am inspired by your fortitude, and humbled that if I were thrust into something as soul-crushing as what you are experiencing….I don’t know how I’d handle it. I’m blown away by your determination.
I wrote about this in one of my guest posts, but this song’s title (as outlined in the chorus below) sums you up perfectly:
And he said, “Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen. It’s a love without end, amen.”
Yep, Ken, that’s you, my friend. A father’s love for his child is a love without end, Amen.
***Meant to attribute George Strait for those lyrics.
Carla, thank you for posting the beautiful words to this song …it makes me miss my Dad soooo much…….
I think of LOVE, STRENGTH,DETERMINATION and so much more Ken. You and your family are an inspiration to us all .Love and prayers always being sent .
To me, you are a constant reminder of a fathers unconditional, unyielding, faithful love. Circumstances aside (which I know they can’t be…), that is a legacy to be proud of. Your strength and perseverance speaks volumes.
You and your family are a reminder to me that good people like yourselves are still in the world — and I see this confirmed by the people who seek you out every single day – whether it be on FB, email, text, mail, etc. people are searching for someone anyone who has courage and will motivate them. That’s you, it’s Ryan and it’s Sue and Kari. I never saw unconditional love quite like this and it’s a revelation. Such selflessness – contrary to whatever you might think it is rare. People give a little here and there when they can when the spirit or the desire moves them — they most often do it at their own terms in tandem with their particular interests and personal time constraints — and it’s all valuable and it’s all good but it doesn’t come anywhere to match what you do everyday for your son and family, Ken. Okay?
So when you think about people perceiving your family as “well you just never know what’s going to happen today or tomorrow” and all the other things you might hear, yes, these are oft spoke and well understood axioms, but I’m here to tell you what I hear most in my corner of the world is “smart, sharp, fascinating, courageous, brave, inspiring, motivating, tenacious, good, determined, strong.” See that’s how you and your family are thought of, spoken about and defined all the time by many people.
The moments are passing for every single one of us … and unfortunately many are squandering their moments or not appreciating them or perhaps not even thinking about them at all. But not you, you are using them to their maximum potential for something and someone that’s far more valuable than most other things in this life. Not many can make this claim. I can’t. But I can sure as heck try to do better. I can try to be stronger like you.
Sending love, hugs, prayers and always hope
Paula
Powerful posting… We should NEVER take each other for granted. We never know what is to happen. “Never speak harsh words to your loved one in the morning, he may leave you and never return!” Jimmy Rogers, the original Singing Brakeman, Wreck of the Old 97 ca 1932. I thought of that on 9/11, all the people who lost loved ones in an instant.
I’m glad youre sharing all this with us, Ken. I hope it’s therapeutic for you. There’s a lot of love and prayers going out on Ryan’s and your behalf. But Ken, may I suggest you get yourself some counseling. You have a heavy burden to carry, lots of conflicting feelings including (justifiable) anger at what was done to your son. You are in real danger of Caregiver burnout. I know this may be anathema to you, Ken, but you ought to consider engaging an aide to help you–go thru an agency, do not try to hire someone yourself. You will get someone who has been screened and trained, with accountability.
Take care of yourself, Ken. God be with all of you.
Just like you, life has changed for many of us in “the blink of an
eye.” You are strong, Kenneth! You are a hero for many of us, and I know, you don’t want this either. Stay strong! <3 and prayers ongoing.
For me, the Diviney family is a constant reminder to love one another deeply, no matter what, and to never take loved ones for granted. Your family is not just a constant reminder though — you all are truly an inspiration to so many. And we love you back!
God Bless . Love and Hugs to all