by J.R. Smith.
I’m 27 years old, and I’ve been following the Diviney blog for about 3 years now. I have felt for Ryan’s family, and have loved reading the incredibly articulate and gut-wrenching way that they have expressed their grief for Ryan over the years as birthdays and milestones that Ryan should have experienced (like his 21st birthday, his college graduation) come and go without Ryan being there. I have been impressed at how raw and emotionally naked the family have allowed themselves to be in order to pass on Ryan’s story and keep relevant.
I Understand Now.
On November 30th, I got news that gave me a greater insight into the struggles that Ryan’s loved ones deal with. I found out that my very good friend, Scott, died after sustaining extensive brain damage from an accident. His parents made the gut-wrenching decision to take him off life support, and Scott passed away the day after Thanksgiving. He was 27 years old, and he was a paper shy away from getting his Masters degree in counseling.
Scott was the closest thing I had ever had to a brother. We met each other 6 years ago at the University of Delaware, and clicked pretty instantly despite being opposites. I was a perky Delaware kid who wanted to experience college to the fullest and loved a good rager, while Scott was a cynical New Jersey boy who hated college and preferred hanging out in his dorm with his friends. I was eager to get people to like me, while Scott couldn’t have cared less what you thought about him. I loved to be nostalgic about things that happened last week, while Scott absolutely hated sentimental talk. In the end, we balanced each other in a way that was good for the both of us.
Scott was insanely intelligent, and I loved that we could talk over beers at Happy Hour at Deer Park Tavern or in his dorm about anyone and anything on our minds. He planned on being a counselor and helping people through depression, because of his own experience with it. Scott would listen to all of my anxieties and problems, and he had a way of listening that never failed to make me feel okay again. I grew to depend on him for moral support, and both of us had each other’s backs no matter what. Scott listened to me cry on the phone when my mother had a cancer scare, and I listened to him while he talked about his girlfriend troubles.
We both made the conscious effort to stay in touch after graduating in 2010, because I knew I wanted to keep that friendship for life. We’d never go more than a few months without talking on the phone or chatting online. During our last conversation, less than a week before his accident, Scott and I had talked about our plans and our life, same as usual. He was telling me about a girl he was interested in talking to when she got back home for Thanksgiving, and about his plans for his counseling career that would start after graduation this winter.
It’s All Gone Now.
All of that was wiped away. Scott was supposed to become a grey-haired, tough, grizzled counselor that teenagers loved because he got them. Scott was supposed to be the friend I’d sit with at Deer Park Tavern sometime in our 50’s, and I’d laugh as I reminded him about our crazy times in our 20’s. None of that will happen now- Scott will never be older than 27, he’ll never start his career, he’ll never get married or have a family, and all of the people that he was going to help won’t know him now.
[via crowd rise.com]
Scott’s death has given me even more of an appreciation of what the Divineys and Ryan’s loved ones go through. The grief for Ryan, the grief for who Ryan should have been, and the grief for the loss of the shared experiences that you expected to have with Ryan…I now understand with a much greater clarity than I did before all of this happened to me. Which makes me even more impressed that the Divineys have lived with this day in and day out for 4 years, and are willing to convey all of this to us on a daily basis.
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It’s horrible to think that they will never experience the things they should be. It also hurts to think about their loved ones who will also miss something from their lives. My heart goes out to everyone this holiday.
God Bless Scott and his family. What a hard decision for them to make. So many second guessing of the decisions when it comes to brain trauma in our loved ones. We will never know what it is like to walk in their shoes until it happens to our family. Praying for you JR, Scotts’ family, and the Diviney family at this Christmas season.
J.R., what a heart-wrenching and beautiful post. I am so sorry for your friend, his family, and you. May you find comfort in knowing that others will be lifting this family (and you) up in prayer. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. And thank you too, for keeping Ryan relevant by keeping up with his progress. Bless You!
J.R., what a beautiful tribute to your wonderful friend, Scott. I can only imagine the deep sadness you feel. From your words, I gather you will have many opportunities to celebrate all that was good about your friend, for there is so much about him worthy of celebrating! The deepening of your compassion and empathy is just one way Scott lives on in your life.
“He had so many things to do, and not enough time to do them.” You’re now carrying on Scott’s legacy by sharing your kindness and support with the Diviney family and many others I’m sure. Your guest post has touched so many people, and has had a profound impact on me.
Thank you for sharing precious memories about this amazing young man. His light on the earth has not dimmed; his flame burns brightly within you!
I hope we have the opportunity to read more of your thoughts in the coming days. I have a feeling there is a lot more you will have to share. Your honesty is appreciated, and your presence as a part of Team Diviney is a blessing.
With love & prayers,
Paula
Very well written J.R. Anytime I think about the loss of what should have been for this family it breaks my heart
I can’t even imagine going thru something like this. My heart literally aches for you with empathy. My you all find strength & comfort.
so sorry for you and your friend and all affected. Praying for you and yours. It is indeed a blessing the work that Ryan’s family endures for him, true love and respect.
God Bless You all
Amazing post. I am sorry for your friend, his family, your loss and continue to appreciate Ryan’s family, efforts and experiences.
So sorry for your loss J.R., thank you for sharing.
So sorry for your loss J.R. and can’t even imagine what the Divineys go through.But unlike your dear friend ,there is always hope for Ryan
Strong guy and strong family
Thank you for the post
Holy crap I can’t even read all of this. At your age you should never have to even think of this nor suffer any of this pain. Makes me proud to know there is some goodness in Delaware. And what exit did he use in Jersey? If you ask his parents/family, they will know. Everyone lives off an exit from the turnpike. Exit 9 is my favorite but there is a song that goes along with it.
So very sorry for your loss.
Rhonda Morin