Like most mornings, Ryan and I beat the sunrise. Ryan was already well into his HBOT session and I was readying his equipment for the day when I first noticed the black night sky changing to purple. These days are predictable. Routine. As monotonous and grueling as they are, the alternative is worse. Spare the excitement, please.
I opened the blinds and the sunlight poured in.
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Sunrises are reminders. Both a bitch and a sign of hope, but mostly the former. They are like a splash of cold water on the face. They taunt with the knowledge that this day, like every other, will be mired in backbreaking physical tasks. The mental grief continues to accumulate like a slow drain. Sunrises… the “Hey you, guess who’s screwed again today?” of the solar system. They practically scream at me. Most days I take a deep breath and accept it, switching my mind to autopilot. Other days I just give it the middle finger. Some days I cry.
Ah, the slow drain. It is often my fallback postulate for the sake of discussion and visual imagery. Really, it’s the best way I can explain this and so many other things.
Yet, there’s hope. Realistic or otherwise, it hasn’t abandoned me completely. Yet. The truth is, hope is what is escaping from the slow drain. It doesn’t take a genius brain surgeon to see that eventually all hope will be gone. It will eventually drip down the drain.
I wonder how the last drop might sound? Will this last “plink” resonate so loudly that it will crumble my foundation? Perhaps, but most likely, it will go unnoticed. Unnoticed, that is, until the anguish overflows, spilling its poison named despair.
Hi Ken,
I know how you are feeling because I often feel this way myself. I don’t know how I get through each day like you. But I want you to know that you are Ryan’s anchor, and I am Alicia’s so we have no choice but to stay strong and hold on.
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure, says the Scripture. Let the winds blow. Let the waves surge. Let the questions fly. Let the threats come. Let the world speed on. We have an anchor! We have a hope”
Beautifully said Vivian. May you continue to feel GOD’s blessings through your trying days. I just asked GOD to please allow you and Alicia, to feel his presence from deep within your soul, giving you that much more strength to face your days ahead.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, My Frankie and Family
Once again I feel so inadequate in being able to offer you any real comfort. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Please know that I think about you all the time, you are always in my thoughts. I have not given up hope. Still here.
Ken I am so sorry you’re not appreciating the sunrise like you once did. It was you who got me to appreciate the sunrises and sunsets that I previously took for granted too often. These are wonderous glories of God and I they are spectacular. I continue my prayers for Ryan to improve and hopefully will restore your faith. In the meantime, we are praying for you.
Always thinking of and praying for the Divineys. May God help you travel this difficult and winding road.
Precious Family…I pray every day for your strength, courage and comfort…to do the job the Lord wants you to do.
Ken, Sue and Kari, too–to offset the despair in my life, i found it very helpful to jog just 20 min every day thru many troubled times, including a divorce. I started by walking and gradually increasing my jogging time until all i was doing was jogging. I staved off the despair for 11 years, yes, Really, until i tripped (not while jogging) and the damage ended my ability to do it anymore. Maybe try it?
Always with prayers, hope and love, Annie
I will never give up Hope. If you do, you will let a lot of people down because our Hope is not only for Ryan but for you and your family.
We listen to the voice of hope, even if it’s only a whisper. We operate here on hope, because we care about Ryan. Our hope and prayer is that he will soon give you significant reasons to hope. It’s all we have — hope that he continues to get well with each passing day. Always here with hope, faith, love and prayers.
Hello Ken,
Though it might be hard for some folks to fully fathom all that you go through each day, rest assured there are many of us who know — and that’s why we have so much respect for your dedication to Ryan. I know that every day is challenging, but there are some days that kick harder than others. Fortunately you have the gift of the written word and can at least express your feelings…believe me, you are a very powerful writer and we can feel every word.
Hope — that’s what we all hold onto every day, and it keeps us motivated and gives us the power to push forward when we don’t have much to push with. I understand how some days must feel like a slap in the face. You don’t deserve it, and neither does Ryan, Sue or Kari. No one should ever have to suffer like this. I wish I could do something to make it better. So do many others. We’re still here, still feeling anguish that your family has been wounded by people who don’t even have the character to apologize and offer help. They have stolen so much, but they are not stealing our hope!! For the record I have a ton of hope and so do many others. One thing about you, Sue, Ryan and Kari is that you have tremendous resolve. That is truly a quality to admire and respect. I have a lot of faith and a lot of hope about Ryan. I’m praying for strength and peace for you today Ken. May you know how much you and your family are loved and cared about.
Still here today, tomorrow and the next and the next…always believing.
Love, hugs & prayers, Paula
Ken,I am so very sorry you and Sue have to have all these feelings because of the actions of those (less than human ,in my eyes)can’t call them animals because animals are our friends, kind and loving..But ,please don’t ever give up hope,I DO believe Ryan will progress and heal.I know it’s easy for me to say.I’m not living it, but so many are behind you Sue, Ryan and Kari and your care and our prayers will work. Really wish I could help you out physically with Ryan, I would in a second. Try to have a peaceful day .Here thinking of you all Love Gail