Ugh. Here we go again. The nurse called out (sick) and it’s another thirty-six hour shift. Ryan is having a restful night and this will go a long way for getting me through the upcoming day. Also, it’s a little better than the one earlier this month when the nurse called off, since I was able to grab an afternoon nap yesterday.
Still, I swear this will be the death of me. It’s not so much that I sleep well (or much) at night, but it allows my mind to take a break. It’s a little mental R&R. One thing I learned through all of this is there’s a definite difference between active and passive attention.
By passive attention, I mean those times when I can allow my thoughts to focus on other things while just listening for anything out of the ordinary. You know, like an alarm sounding or Ryan coughing. I guess the best way to explain it might be like when your phone rings and it grabs your attention. The only time I allow myself to do this is when Sue or a nurse (that I trust) is watching him. Even with a nurse here, we always keep up audible and visual contact.
The reality is my mind is never at rest. It moves between two levels of alertness… active and passive. For the most part, it’s active and it has to be this way. Ryan cannot tell me when he is uncomfortable. It takes constant monitoring to keep him at ease. I’m always looking, feeling, and listening. Does he have an eyelash in his eye? Does he need his bottom cleaned? Did he bit his cheek? Is his g-tube not pulling? Did the condom come off? Did his arm slip off the side of the armrest? Is his urine clear and odorless? What is his temperature? Pulse? Respiration rate? Lung sounds? Blood pressure? Oxygen saturation? Well… you get the idea.
Then, when I’m confident he is comfortable, it starts all over again.
When the nurse is here, my “passive” time normally begins around eleven o’clock. By this time Ryan is tucked in for the night and it’s just a matter of monitoring him. Usually by four o’clock in the morning I’ve given-up on trying to get some decent sleep (although I do doze off periodically throughout the night) and throw down my first cup of coffee.
I guess what I just figured out is that this passive time is my time to revive. It’s the best rest I get. Hey, it’s not sleep but it’s still good for me. It’s my sleep substitute.
Oh my, this is rich! Someone is so unhappy with his or her own life that they need to make themselves feel better by trying to bring down someone else. Wow, an adult resorting to MIDDLE SCHOOL tactics! So mature, that “Sue’s friend!!!”
By the way, “Sue’s friend”….can we have a little grammar lesson since we are talking MIDDLE SCHOOL? Ok, first things first!
“but Knowing Ryan”….. lose the capital K
“discussing”…………. no comment needed, but thanks for the laughs!!
“Ryan and his buddy’s”….that would be buddies, Sue’s friend!
“who apparently were standing around and did nothing”….maybe “doing” would be better here, but the statement is accurate and sickeningly true. By just “standing around and doing nothing,” they were accessories to this horrific crime. Shame on them!!!
It’s obvious that you are probably one of the parents of one of the kids who “stood around doing nothing” while Ryan was beaten/kicked into that coma. And it’s obvious too, that you are upset that people would like to see you held accountable. Why would you deny culpability? My guess is, you can’t HANDLE the truth.
PS: Have you contributed anything to this family other than heartache?
I’m a little slow in seeing the slanderous filth posted above, and I’m not sure who should be more offended by it: you, Ken, who has sacrificed every bit of your life to lovingly care for Ryan (an innocent victim of senseless violence) literally around the clock; or Sue, who would never befriend such a “discussing” person. I am horrified by her words and admire your self-restraint in responding to her. Your true friends are behind you 100%, Divineys! Love and prayers always.
At first I thought this was someone joking around, then I realized, this is no joke. Well yeah, it is a joke. So is the person who wrote it – must be Austin’s Mom. If not “it’s” similar to the white trash that raised these thugs. How dare someone write this garbage. People not interested in the healing of Ryan and his family should just stay off the site. Ken, we’re all here supporting you and Ryan. Leave this at the curb with the rest of the garbage.
Ms. Blasé says
After reading that comment from Sue’s “supposed friend,” I’m all for a membership registration for this site. Count me in.
“Sue’s friend” you are an _sshole with a capital A! Ryan would not be in this condition with that “discussing tube” down his throat if it we not for Austin Vantrease, Jonathan May, and their gutless “innocent” followers who stood by and watched as they assaulted Ryan and Brian. Not sure what they did to “defend themselves”. Watch the video, don’t see anyone attacking them, do you? How do you “defend yourself” from a verbal “Phillies suck”? What is the “threat” from that?
Now, on that “discussing tube” keeps people alive, its called an endotracheal tube, pray you never need one. Without it Ryan would be dead. Austin and Jon would be in prison for murder, their friends might be there also for accessory to murder. As for Ken, you are right, not many people would do what he has done. He has kept Ryan in better health than any rehab center, nursing home or hospital could have. He has done an amazing job! As a nurse I can tell you from experience he has done one hell of a good job! Ken can thank Austin, Jonathan May and their friends for “his need for fame”, his financial burden and his sexual whatevers. This website provides friends, family and well wishers updates on Ryan. This website lets people tell Ryans story. This website also provides a means for people to contribute towards the enourmous financial burden that that Vantrease, May and their friends placed on the family. The cost is probably upwards of several thousands/day. As far as sexual pleasures, not sure anyone else has taken care of someone with a TBI, but I don’t see the sexual connection that “Sues friend” does.
As for me, I will keep praying and checking daily, contributing monthly and laughing whenever to Kens posting. I enjoy following his fame, fortune and horniness level as they rise.
Gail Doyle says
Ken ,What is wrong with that person, to write such things? You,Sue or Ryan don’t need their prayers. We who care and love Ryan,you and Sue( and there are too many to number) will always be praying for you all. Such cruel ,nasty things to write ,with all that’s going on in your lives.You will all be blessed. To say what they did is cruel and unbelievable and inhuman. Don’t ever,ever forget ,we are here for you all, to help in any way we can.And wish people that can’t say something nice would disappear!!!!! Love Gail
Sorry for you to have to read such garbage!
Sue's friend says
Ken Diviney, so glad to hear things between you and Mrs. L******* are good! As a friend of Sue’s, I feel she should know that. It’s sad that Ryan can’t speak for himself, but Knowing Ryan, he would not want pictures of himself on your site partially dressed and with that discussing mouth piece (to name a few). You are disgracing your wife and Ryan, using Ryan’s condition for your own sexual pleasure, fame, and $$$$$. What father would do this? Nice disclaimer, so nothing you say or do has any consequences. Now you’re taking other innocent children down, when you yourself admitted Ryan and his buddy’s provoked the fight. Get some help. I will pray for you after I pray for Sue and Ryan and those other innocent kids who apparently were standing around and did nothing but defend themselves from being Phillies fans. You will rot in hell!
I masked the name of the lovely lady you mentioned. Your random insinuation is just not fair to anyone, especially her. I’m not surprised to see you are in Hockessin, DE… just minutes from the punks who injured Ryan. And again, Sue doesn’t know anyone from there.
Just read the post from “Sue’s Friend” this doesn’t sound like she is anybody’s friend. After reading that post I do think you should block certain people. I don’t know how you can handle the stress.
Change of subject, have you ever tried hiring someone from a nursing school? Usually they are eager to learn and to do a good job and eager to work. This is where I find all my caregivers for the night.
Hang in there.
Whoever-you-are, you are mentally ill, dangerous and should be institutionalized immediately! Just dial 1-800-IMCRAZY.
Pittsburgh Here says
Discussing mouth piece. Discussing??? You have the IQ of an amoeba. Go away and save your cyber bullying for someone else.
Dear “Sue’s Friend,”
You couldn’t be more obvious if you tried. Clearly your only intent is to slander and engender hostility. You’ve come to the wrong place. This website is about the healing and recovery of Ryan Diviney, who, as you know, was brutally attacked by a group of young men who clearly were not raised with decent morals and values. Nothing anyone could do could compare with the horrific nature of the crime perpetrated by these men. It’s tragic that the other men involved in this barbaric act have not been punished for their brutality — yet.
Perhaps you need to sit alone in a quiet place and contemplate who inflicted these injuries upon Ryan, and their motivation for doing so. Then, give some deep thought to the utter devastation heaped upon this family through no fault of their own. Be sure you consider the financial, emotional and physical costs that resulted from this attack. Add it all up if you can, and then pray. Ask God to help people restrain themselves from re-victimizng the victims, which, just to clarify, are Ryan, Ken, Sue and Kari, along with their family members, friends and communities. So much lost, and why? Because some intoxicated, rageful young men couldn’t control themselves. You want to cast aspersions, focus on them…but then, that wouldn’t serve your real purpose, would it…
Again, must you be so obvious? Find another more helpful and productive way to address the personal issues you have with the young men who made terrible choices. Attacking the victims will prevent you from finding peace, and your anger will continue to simmer until you can no longer distinguish between right and wrong. Or has that already happened.
Ken, how would you go about finding a back-up nurse/s? I am sure you know the importance of sleep, but even so, you might like to read this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation, and there are many others that include scientific documentation. I’m not preaching, but you worry us! I don’t see how you can maintain good health. mentally or physically, and then we would be in big trouble. In some areas there are volunteer nurses associations, but Ashburn is not one of them that I can find. I wish there was some way that any of us could help. There must be a way to put a plan in place — just in case. I am more concerned about this right now than improving the blog, but any new ideas yet?
Thinking of you, hoping you can catch a nap. Love and prayers.
Hi Ken, I am praying it will be a good day for you and Ryan, and that somehow, when Ryan rests, you will be able to get at least a little rest… (?) sigh what can I say, you are made of steel. I guess you just do what you have to do but, wow, I agree with Gail, we need a back up and then a back up to the back up — for real. We know this kind of sleep deprivation isn’t good for you, yet, somehow, you manage to get everything done and do a phenomenal job of it.
Hoping you and Ryan can get outside for a bit today. I was thinking about the baclofen reduction, wow, we’re getting down to the nitty gritty now — I can’t believe that in the near future Ryan will be off baclofen — honestly, that is amazing!!! Another accomplishment brought about by you, Ken, because I’m pretty sure you had to make that call on your own. Good thing you’ve got excellent instincts about this stuff.
Thinking of you and Ryan, and sending good thoughts and love. Prayers too, always
Gail Doyle says
Ken, I’ll never complain about not sleeping either.How you do it is amazing.And you don’t miss a beat watching or listening for Ryan. Hoping you can get a little rest today and the nurse doesn’t call out..You really need a competent backup nurse who knows what to look for with Ryan.. Hoping day goes smoothly.
OK, I really need to stop complaining about my life and how little sleep I get. It’s been said many times, but we don’t know how you do it, Ken. Praying for an uneventful, quiet day with Ryan, trusting that God will provide all the physical and mental energy you need. Please know that we are here for you too.