It’s always the same. I don’t want to leave and I can’t wait to get home. I had a great time with Kari this weekend. It was a perfect combination of fun and relaxation. She treats her ole’ pop well.
The worst part is always the drive back home. It leaves me alone with my thoughts. That’s not to say the time is not valuable. It is. It allows me time to mentally transition. But, my thought often drift to areas I try to avoid. It happens without me even being aware. The hum of the tires on an interstate can do this. It’s almost hypnotic.
It’s not until I slam my fist on the dashboard or the tears fogged my vision that I realize I violated my guiding rule… To live in the moment.
I’ve tried listening to talk radio. I’ve tried music. I’ve tried many things to keep my mind occupied. But there’s a problem with this. I now find these annoying. They lost their relevance and interest to me. Fact is, I know longer related like i once did to the outside world. I find the news wanting in comparison to my life. Songs are just the salt in the wounds of my past.
Hi Ken,
Your posts put words to feelings so well. I thank you for sharing. I read what you write and think what can I say to make you feel better. Well everything is always easier said than done. But the truth is today is difficult and living in the moment is difficult. So, I think it is okay to look forward to the future. When you feel sad, I don’t think you should feel guilty, because you definetly have a reason for feeling sad. But each and every day brings a new hope for better treatments and a day closer for recovery, even if it is slow. Every day Ryan gets through, is a victory and a step closer to recovery. Stay strong. You are an inspiration.
Well said, Ken – your emotions perfectly captured as usual — if only we could make your hurt go away…but, we are here for you, always. God bless you, dear man, for everything you and your family have gone through. You’re right, so many things seem insignificant or even downright ridiculous when compared to the suffering Ryan has endured. So many things pale in comparison to his accomplishments as well — which can be attributed to both his strength and determination and yours.
Still believing, and sending love and hugs your way
Paula
Glad you enjoyed your visit with Kari and returned home safely. Maybe you can try listening to something else for future long trips. Friends who have lengthy commutes tell me the listem to books on CDs and enjoy them.
I know the feeling of not wanting the irrelevance of “entertainment” when we are living a reality; and can’t allow ourselves the escape the radio and TV provide. We live “real” issues and the rest is just painful noise. I’m so glad you stepped into your other reality this weekend with Kari.
Ken , I can’t even imagine the emotions you must feel. I’m just glad you enjoyed your time with Kari, know you can’t wait to see Ryan too,Glad all went well at home too Safe driving. Love Gail
We need to find you some new music to listen to, Ken <3