It was nice to see Ryan have a peaceful night. The antibiotic has the urinary tract infection in retreat. Ryan’s pulse stayed around 60 the entire time. His oxygen saturation never went below 98%. A well deserved night of rest, indeed.
I realize I’m on a rampage the past few days. I get like that sometimes oftentimes. For good or not, it’s my nature now. I don’t deny I have every reason to feel this way. I’m entitled to it, by damned! To me, it’s better than being sad. Anger gets my sorry ass in gear. Sadness impedes me. I learned, somewhere along the way, to flip this mental switch just before the despair permanently smacks me down. I’m not sure if it holds true for others, but anger just feels less self-damaging.
It doesn’t hurt quite as much.
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You know what else? I take comfort in your comments that share my anger (and grief). It lets me know I’m not alone. That my feelings are proper. That I need not feel bad about myself for thinking and feeling as I do. It’s confirmation that I still might cling to a shred of sanity. As is so often the case, you frequently express my ire better than I can even come close. Thank you for understanding and sharing my outrage.
Hey Ken,here in China,the spring festival is coming.
I hope that everything of Ryan will alright in the new year.
You are not alone. We all have feelings for what happened to Ryan and we continue our prayers to God. I am glad to hear Ryan is avoiding the UTI.
Always in your corner, Ken — always have been, always will be, no matter what.
Love, prayers, hope, faith…and…I believe in you.
Paula
Ken,
I wanted to write you to apologize for not writing more often. Actually, I think I have only written one or two responses. However, I do read your blog every day and pray for your whole family. I pray for peace for all of you as well as Ryan’s health. Your not alone, you will never be alone. We have never met and probably never will. However, you and your family are apart of my life, everyday thoughts and prayers.
Please don’t ever sell yourself short on the way you write. Your writing style is eloquent, raw, and it evokes many emotions.
Please remember: so many folks (including me) ‘have your back.’ You will NEVER be an “Army of One.”
My prayers and good thoughts always
Life is certainly more easily endured when in the company of others.
Very true.
an·ger [ang-ger] noun: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
Ken, you and your family were WRONGed. You have every right to be angry!! You are channeling your anger into something positive – your caring for Ryan. I think we readers enjoy hearing the rants – they motivate us too! Carry on : )
Ken ,So glad Ryan had a good night and hope the day brings calmness too, and good that antibiotics are working. Always here for you all and Ryan,you DEFINITELY are not alone .Write the words that help you and we will always listen. And deep in my heart I believe Ryan will be back. Love Gail
PS Who can blame your anger?? No one!!
I’m here, always, forever and until.
I agree with you on mulitiple levels…feeling hurt and sad is brutal on your heart and on your psyche; however, it remains a necessary emotion that needs to be felt, expressed and released. It is a gift given to us, to help us move forward. SO go for it! Over and over again! We’re here and we’ll listen. And anger, (in my opinion, and especially under these circumstances) is simply a manifestation of a hurting heart that can help us to do wondrous things- if channeled properly. It enables us to feel empowered and when we’re empowered, we can take back the control and rise above the fray…what a gift.
I believe that our emotions provide us with multiple opportunities to be introspective…and in my opinion, when YOU, Ken Diviney, are introspective, YOU do your best thinking and/or work, which ultimately benefits RYAN. It is because of this, that I cannot help but believe that such emotions are gifts from GOD. So on your behalf, I will gratefully and sincerely, continue to thank GOD for such- as I believe it will only benefit Ryan.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, My Frankie and Family
Beautifully said Keri and prayers for “your” Frankie too…
I’m here, always, forever and until.
I agree with you on mulitiple levels…feeling hurt and sad is brutal on your heart and on your psyche; however, it remains a necessary emotion that needs to be felt, expressed and released. It is a gift given to us, to help us move forward. SO go for it! Over and over again! We’re here and we’ll listen.
And anger, (in my opinion, and especially under these circumstances) is simply a manifestation of a hurting heart that can help us to do wondrous things- if channeled properly. It enables us to feel empowered and when we’re empowered, we can take back the control and rise above the fray. What a gift.
I believe that our emotions provide us with multiple opportunities to be introspective…and in my opinion, when YOU, Ken Diviney, are introspective, YOU do your best thinking and/or work, which ultimately benefits RYAN. It is because of this, that I cannot help but believe that such emotions are gifts from GOD.
So on your behalf, I will gratefully and sincerely, continue to thank GOD for such- as I believe it will only benefit Ryan.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, My Frankie and Family
What a beautiful, heartfelt post! Amen Keri!!!
Amen to Keri’s post. I echo it completely.
Love and prayers continue to be poured forth to the Diviney Family.
Dear Ken,
Well said! I believe that for most of the human population there is a conscience. My friend and I were talking a bit ago about people around the world feel emotion the same. We all smile when happy, laugh when we here something funny and cry out in anguish when we feel pain. As a parent, I can only guess your depth of grief. It is too painful to go the far in my head. Not only was Ryan robbed of a life spent in joy and happiness you, Sue, and Kari were robbed of his laughter, kindness and watching him develop into his full potential. Your feelings are truly your to express your outrage, anger and sadness. I just ask that you let us share the burden. It is so sad that it took a tragedy like this, to bring out so much love and outpouring of support. I love you all~
You are not alone, for sure. I have a priority envelope going in the mail today or Monday with the book/pamphlet I mentioned in the email. Hope you find something useful in them to help with Ryan.
You’re never alone and certainly not the only one angry with the circumstances that you’ve been handed. The good news is always pleasant to hear and I’m glad that Ryan had a restful night. I try and let you know how much I understand the pain we feel as parents when our children are hurt or harmed, but I could never claim to feel it to the depth you do. This will effect you everyday for the rest of your life, but when you need us, we’re here. How did everything turn out with the last visit from IBRF?
Anger can be more constructive than depression. We had a family therapist once who said he’d much rather work with an angry person because the will is already there to do something and move forward. We know that you and Sue will keep moving Ryan forward, and we’ll continue to be here for you all every step of the way. So glad to hear that the antibiotics are helping. Much love for a peaceful day <3
Grief tinged with anger or anger tinged with grief — it’s overwhelming sometimes, but it is imperative that we keep the lid on anger. Anger can develop into violence unexpectedly — I’ve seen it happen too many times, especially between children and teens when I was a teacher in elementary and middle school (I almost got killed once when I was a newby trying to separate 2 angry, fighting 5th graders). There are those who never learn to control anger, and these are the ones who allow evil take over and wreck or take lives, including their own. We understand your outrage as well as your grief, and yes, we are here for you. We are outraged, too, and we grieve with you. Love, understanding and prayers.
Ken – you will never be alone. SHSP always and saying a prayer for Ryan and your family every day. Xoxo
So gald to hear that.
Ken,please hold on.Ryan needs you.
You will never walk alone.