I opened the door this morning to let the dogs out. I could smell winter in the air. You might know what I’m talking about. That smell that is somehow crisp and clean. Like there’s some gigantic, mystical ionized air filter scrubbing every particle. It almost feels like it will purify the lungs. It’s one of those sensations in life that I completely overlooked. I took it for granted. The smell of winter…
But, not this morning. I breathed it in. I pulled in as much air as humanly possible. My exhale was slow and deliberate. Then, something occurred to me…
I completely missed autumn.
I reminded myself to breathe.
I needed no more proof than to look at what I was wearing. I am still in shorts and a silly scrub (the thickness of a tissue) with the sleeves cut off. Honestly, it scared me that an entire season escaped me once again. Exactly when did the leaves change color? When did they fall off? I tried to make a connection to when the dogs would drag leaves in, but it just as easily could have happened yesterday as two years ago. I looked at the barren hardwood trees and they confirmed autumn is a memory… just not mine.
My mind turned back to Ryan. He’s missed years! Where would I ever begin in filling in this void in his life? I suppose I’d start with what was important to him.
Hey, Ryan, guess what? Apple has come out with a new product called the iPad. Actually, there’s already a second version of it. Steve Jobs died. Oh, and Joe Paterno was fired over how he handled a sex scandal. Did I mention, the Saints and Packers won the last two Super Bowls? West Virginia has a new football coach. Kari in now a sophomore in college at WVU. Your friends will be graduating in half-a-year. Look how amazing the basement is! We did this for you. The Redskins are still awful (some things never change). I kept the Jeep for you. Would you like to open your Christmas gifts from past years (they’re still wrapped and waiting)? Synthetic life was created in a lab. Tiger Woods blew it, along with John Edwards and a few more people. BP contaminated the Gulf. Haiti was devastated by an earthquake. Leno is back doing the Tonight Show. You should have seen the 20-plus inches of snow. There was a horrific mine explosion in West Virginia. LeBron James switched teams. Mel Gibson went on a rampage. Brett Farve might actually have retired (or not).
Where would I end? Would he even believe me?
Ryan hasn’t missed out on the most important thing in his life and that is the love of his family. All the other stuff is inconsequential.
Hey, At the library using their computer to catch up things I miss without a computer at home. First, Ryan. This list is amazing and really puts things in perspective and makes the time passed seem….can’t find the word. Some, but not all of Ryans friends will graduate, John Edwards, BP Gulf Oil Disaster, and the WV Mine Explosion seem so far in the past in our every day lives. How could this be? Ryan is so relevant and so fresh in our newsworthy minds, these other stories have passed and have been filed away in our history.
Like the others I believe that Ryan hears the news and information given to him on a daily basis and is awed by some of it, especially the sports news and technology advances.
How many things have changed in two years that we never thought possible. Makes me think of Ryan and how much is still possible. As he continues to heal, believe in the changing seasons.
I think he hears you the way a baby hears his parents voices in the womb. He is aware that he is safe and loved. Beyond that, what is important?
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller
You are an amazing writer, Ken.
Better look into getting an agent — seriously.
Love & prayers always!
Paula
While I think about the changes that have taken place in the world in the past two years I am also reminded of the changes that have taken place in my own life, how I handle things and my general outlook on day to day situations. The brutal beating of Ryan and your handling of this nightmare has changed me forever. When Ryan is able to understand all this, he may believe all that has happened in the world but he may have a difficult time understanding the impact he and the entire (dogs included) Diviney family have had on the rest of us.
It is pretty remarkable how much has happened in 25 months. These past 25 months have demonstrated to me that Ryan and the Diviney family is very, very loved. I’ve also learned that it is possible for person to unconditionally love another person. I watch how you and Sue love Ryan. You’ve been dealt the worst hand of cards ever, yet you’ve handled it with passion, grace, and unconditional love for your son. You, my friend, are my hero.
I don’t have a lot of words today, but, my heart hears you…it wants so badly to make things better for you or more importantly, for your Ryan. I just wanted you to know that. I’m here. I haven’t left. I will not leave and I will carry you all in prayer until. May this help to provide you with any amount of comfort.
With love and in prayer,
Keri, my Frankie and Family
Ken- Your list is almost hard for ME to believe. But, yes, he’d believe you. Dad’s don’t lie.
Ken, Hopefully there won’t be too much more you’ll have to tell him… That he will hear and see himself. Ryan has missed so much ,but he’ll also hear how many people all over care about him and how much they helped him over the years and will continue . Always here and praying ..Love to all. Gail
Oh you forgot Syracuse University involved in sex scandal with coach. And the smell and look of spring flowers as they poke there little heads above ground.
I like that crisp air feeling once. After that its over for me. I can’t stand winter. So we here in upstate NY we have been spared. Temps to warm for snow but ok for rain. We just started to get some flakes and now there is some lake effect thingy brewing. I think it will stay North. My prayers continue for Ryan and his family
It’s crazy to think how much can change in two years. In the fall of ’09, I was a senior at University of Delaware, now I’m in my third semester of graduate school. My sister had just gotten married, and now she has 6-month old twins. I have a niece who had just started high school, and now she’s 17 and a junior and contemplating colleges.
Going back to football, I’d bet he wouldn’t believe you for a second if you told him that the Detroit Lions are having a winning season, the 49ers are 10-2, and the Colts are 0-12.
So much has happened in two short years! All that you wrote and so much more — it boggles the mind. You have left me remembering all that Ryan has missed, and it is another grim reminder of that awful night… …
Ken, as you know, there are those who say that it’s all about breathing. I’m sure you know that meditation is good for the soul. Listen to your breath, and listen to Ryan’s breathing — inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale… … Thank you, Almighty God for every blessed breath that Ryan breaths. It is miraculous, and we are very grateful! Always here with hope, faith, love and prayers.