You’ll need to excuse me. I haven’t been myself for a few days. I’m in a really, really bad place. The upcoming second year anniversary of Ryan being taken from us is so much to face. I’m not sure I’ll come through it undamaged, to be honest. We miss him. We do. So much.
All-in-all, Ryan is doing well.
That is, if I don’t count the presence of trace leukocytes and protein that are currently in his urine (indicating his body is trying to protect itself from infection). Or, if I don’t count the mysterious drop in blood pressure from time-to-time. Or, if his butt rash won’t clear completely. Or, if his eye’s won’t seem to completely clear of abrasions. These conditions, and their reluctance to ever clear, can wear a guy down.
In my case, I just wanted to isolate myself from the world. I now understand this wasn’t fair to those who come here every day to see how Ryan is.
Ann H Tearle says
A lot of antibiotics can cause a rash like this–keep on working it, Ken, we all will keep on praying. I appreciate your showing the rash to us–it will keep us from making inane comments about what could help it heal. Ryan needs something industrial strength it looks like. Ryan is in my thoughts almost constantly now; i wish i could physically do something to help. So, i pray and keep you and Sue and Kari also up in prayer. I could not turn away from you now even if i wanted to, you are in my soul. I actually welcome the opportunity to pray for you all in your hours of need, no matter how long it takes. I hate what has/is happening to your family–there are just no words to console you. We all try to console, and we all support you totally, and pray. You are his life-line and you are both in this together–each day is a new 24-hr-window to unfold and to bring Ryan closer to recovery, as long as YOU keep showing up. Go ahead and rage against the unfairness of it all, but please do it during that 4- hour time slot when you may get some rest. The only peace you will find right now is that you are doing all you can for Ryan, each moment, every day. That you are there for him is his and your only reason for surviving this horrific time. God bless you and keep you, comfort you and give you what you all need to get the job done.Love & prayers, Annie
Jill Weissenberger says
We are still praying for you and your family. We admire your love and devotion for Ryan. We will pray for better days ahead.
jane martellino says
None of us truly know the depth of your pain and sorrow because we have not walked in your shoes. All we can offer you is our continued love and assistance. How we wish we could heal Ryan and restore your family to the fullness that it once was. May you feel the faith and hope from people from all over the world who are standing in the gap for you during these very painful days. God is still with you and has not forsaken you even though right now it does not feel that way.
The Colangelis says
Been checking the past days and thankful to see your update today. We are all very sorry about this anniversary and it being so hard on you and the family. Please keep your faith and trust in God. We pray everyday for you and Ryan. Your son is blessed to have a father who loves him so much.
Donna Zimmerman says
We come here daily to be with and for you, Ken. We aren’t here for a pep talk, and a lot of the time you aren’t in the mood for one. We are just here. You are not alone.
Please never think that you need to apologize to us. I feel scared when we don’t hear from you, more so scared that something has happened that took you away from us. All the comments above are so true – you really don’t owe us an explanation. By our constant support for Ryan, I hope you realize that we support and pray for you, Sue and Kari as well. I certainly never want you to feel you owe anyone more than what you give. If you are in a dark place, I hope that some light will shine on you and give you continued strength and fortitude. You deserve so much more than what you’ve been handed because of some thoughtless thugs. Please forgive us for adding the pressure of expecting you to update us on a daily basis.
Carla Liberty says
Can I add an amen to this???
sally ellis says
No apologies my friend. You are absolutely right, it is totally unfair. Still here.
Aw, that Booty rash looks so darn sore, even in it’s improved state. Who would of known a brain injury would affect every single part of your body like this?
Carla Liberty says
Collateral damage. So not fair….. 🙁
Kathryn Beggs Howlett says
Love to you and Ryan and Kari and Sue. SHSP.
Ann H Tearle says
SH,SP–God bless you all–prayers and always with love,Annie
I love you, Mr. Ken! You are amazing, please do not ever give up. And there is no need at all to apologize. I know that things are so often changing, for better or for worse…however, there is one promise I can make to you that will never change—I will always be right here for you! You are going to get through this, correction, we are going to get through this, because Team Diviney is there every step of the way <3 Keep your chin up Mr. Ken, we got this.
Beth Wilmoth says
No apology needed. Just want you to know Ryan is still relevent and we are still here..still holding you all up in prayer.
This rash is one of those things which hurts you as much as it hurts Ryan…
You have our prayers and admiration. I am relieved it was not a serious incident that takes you to the hospital that kept you from your posting.
I’m sorry. I’m so… sorry that you continue to be punished for someone else’s selfishness. Ryan’s offenders selfishly stole his life as he had known it, and still haven’t a clue as to the depth of despair that they have caused. I am sorry. You don’t deserve it. Your dear wife and daughter don’t deserve it. And dear Ryan, he doesn’t deserve it the least of all. This robbing of a life is incomprehensible to all of us.
But… God sees it all. God saw what they did. And God is a just God. He knows your sorrow, your commitment, and your undying love. What human beings stole from you God is bringing back. I can’t pretend to be God and know exactly what will happen next, but one thing I do know. God is also a faithful God. We who call Him our Lord are responsible to get on our knees and cry out for Ryan’s healing. You are doing everything humanly possible, Ken. And then some. Now is time for some superhuman, supernatural activity to occur.
I promise you that I will be doing everything in my power to be praying and praying and praying and praying. And when I’m all done, I’m going to be believing. and I will never stop.
Hi Ken, I echo all the heartfelt and loving thoughts expressed here. So many people care about you and your family, and feel deep respect for your resolve, dedication and inestimable strength.
We have all been acutely aware of the approaching two year mark, dwelling on and contemplating all it represents. You should know that many of us would walk a very long distance just to ease your pain in any way we could.
So anytime you can, bring it on and continue to tell us Ryan’s story. As you have mentioned, writing can be therapeutic, but it can also be a bit tormenting, in that we get to re-experience something that was almost too much to bear the first time around. For that alone you get my endless respect.
For all the other myriad jobs you do and hats you wear, you are also a tremendous writer. I thought of you when I read this quote:
A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket. ~Charles Peguy
Thank you for letting us be a part of your family’s lives. I now understand what love in its full glory looks like.
Always here and praying, sending love and hugs..Paula
Those of us who follow this blog understand your dread of the two year mark. We dread it, too, but our degree of dread is small compared to that of you and your family. I know we all wish that somehow we could make it hurt less, because we care very much about you. We are always here for you, and we “outfielders” wish we could be “there” for you. We could help out with meals, the yard, and I dread thinking about the impending snows of Winter. Are there folks close-by who could give you a hand with chores outside? I wish I could drop off a meal, and how is that going, by the way? Is the “meal plan” still in place so that Sue can help out in the evenings instead of being tied to the kitchen? (been there, done that after a long day at work!) I know you and Sue would never ask, but someone over there was co-ordinating meals, and I just wondered if it is still being carried out. Could someone speak up, so that we folks out here might take a turn with a gift card or food delivery from a restaurant? And just so you all know, I’m changing my name here to Worriedmind, but I am thinking about the long, lonely Winter ahead. I know there are those of us who want to make things better for the Divineys, and I am one of those. Always here with love — and a worried mind.
Ann H Tearle says
I’m ‘in’–meals–gift card for food delivery from a restaurant. If a listing of restaurants Ken and the fam would like could be listed on this blog–that would be great to have. Then they can use the gift cards any time they like, or when meals have not been planned. Annie
Family friend says
Hope you feel the prayers!
Vicky Scott says
The pressure of adding all of us to your list of responsibilities has to be overwhelming. You have enough on your plate and not one of your readers would expect you to “show up” everyday if you can’t. Your readers are here because they love your family and support you and of course, support Ryan. Although I can never put myself in your shoes, I have an idea of what you are experiencing, and just even being able to breath and get out of bed is a miracle in itself some days, I am sure. You, however, are the “go to” man and you do it for Ryan. We are all here supporting you, praying for you. I also know the Lord is with you and you can tell him all you are feeling in any way you want to tell Him and He will listen and He will respond.
On another note, I have to say I was shocked when I saw the before and after pictures of Ryan’s tush. So I have to ask if he lays on any of the disposable bed pads. We found that Jonathan was allergic to those and whatever they use to absorb fluids. To say you have a lot on your plate is an understatement. I am sure I speak for most, that you have our full admiration, love, and support.
Vicky Scott says
One more thing: Your family made a choice to do whatever it takes to love, nourish, and care for your son. Some walk away because they can’t do it. What you all do, requires multiple people in a hospital setting, yet you are doing it almost single handedly, yet you do it day in and day out with no excuses. No greater love…
Well said, Vicky — Ken does the work of ten (or more) people, everything from lab technician to nurse to doctor; physical therapist, speech therapist, researcher, inventor, nutritionist, house cleaner, scientist, all of which surround his most precious roles of Dad and husband. On the bell shaped curve of people who could handle this — he falls into the “exceedingly” rare area…which to me, makes him an exceptional and rare person.
Sharon Lighton says
No apologies ever needed for the care and the love you give to Ryan every minute and every day. You are still and always in our prayers,,,
Gail Doyle says
Ken Thank you for writing ,even when you feel so bad . Like all said, we are here for you and your family and Ryan Give him a hug and yourself too love gail
Ken & family,
You do whatever it is you need to do to get through the day. No apologies needed. SHSP!
Take Care Diviney family!!
Carla Liberty says
We ache right with you Ken. You needn’t worry if you aren’t writing or updating; like these folks above said, you are doing right by Ryan. No matter what, we are here, and we will love you through it.
Martina McBride’s song:
When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
Gail Doyle says
Carla We’re all right there with you and those beautiful words in the song .
Don’t apologize, make sure you are taking care of yourself too, Ken.
Still here every single day.
Pam S. says
Don’t ever feel an obligation to any of us. You choosing to write and share your journey with us is just that – a choice. While we appreciate the intimacy of this blog and pray it’s a therapeutic release for you, if it ever becomes too painful it is okay to take a step back. I know it’s hard, but don’t let something that has been so good become stressful for you.
Amanda Smith says
I’m a first time commenter, but have been following Ryan’s progress and story ever since the attack. My brother played baseball with him one summer so I’ve gotten to know your family through his stories and through Ryan’s blog you write. From what I’ve learned through your family’s strength and bravery through all the trials you have faced, it’s this: Ryan may not be in his optimal capacity that you know best and love, but that love and happiness that your family has for him is what is helping him progress daily. All the best to you, Sue, Ryan, and Kari! You all deserve to celebrate the progress Ryan has made.
Always here hoping and praying,
Ken, I personally don’t feel that you owe anyone an apology. You have every right to feel the way you do. I am in awe of you and your family. I think if you need to take time to hide away from the world or to be angry then you should..you have every right!!!!