At 12:38am last night, Ryan officially turned 22 years old. My birthday wish for him? I hope he is somehow happy.
It’s an emotional day for us. A mixing of celebration and raw sadness. A day where we will go through the motions and maybe even pretend — at least for a few minutes — that everything is okay. I just hope it’s not like last year, where we couldn’t hold it together for very long.
I can tell you this, we are not off to a good start. Not a good one at all.
Our family’s tradition is to make a full-blown breakfast and deliver it on a tray. We will all walk into the bedroom and sing “Happy Birthday to You”. Then, sit on the bed and and talk about the birthday person. It was a special time that we all loved and looked forward to. I miss doing this with Ryan. He loved the attention.
I miss doing so much with him.
Anyhow, instead we’ll defer the singing to this evening so Kari will be with us via video-chat. I’ll read Ryan all the birthday wishes he gets during the day. We’ll surround him with love and attention. We’ll talk about the good times.
I’m having a rough time writing this post today. If you don’t mind, I think it’s best for me to stop.
Ryan, how I wish you a happy birthday. I love you and miss you. Please come back to us.