College football ramps up this weekend, with WVU playing on Sunday. I know, from last year, this will be a tough day for me. Unlike last year, though, I’m ready for the emotion of watching something I know Ryan loved and looked forward to seeing. I’m already starting to feel sad about it. So, yes, I am ready…. not going to get me again this year. Right?
I wish I could say the same about my experience this past Monday morning. Like so often, it’s the small things cause a flood of remembrance. Joy… laced with sadness. Last year at this time we had Ryan in rehabilitation at Kessler (West Orange, NJ) so I missed seeing all the children, with their proud parents next to them, on their first day of school. The kids carrying their new backpacks, shoes glistening in their newness, and big grins across their faces. Had it not been for our dog, Tucker, I would have (mercifully) missed it again this year. He was barking his furry head off.
We were a family of making and carrying on traditions. This applied to the first day of school. We would go through the same routine each year, ending with photos on the porch (or, in Kari’s case, a photo shoot). The elementary school years had the added enjoyment of walking the kids to the bus stop at the top of the hill each morning (coffee in hand) and waving as the bus pulled away… something I miss very much.
So, I watched as the group ascended the hill. I caught myself smiling. It is truly a wonderful site to see parents and their children sharing moments like these. I wondered, will these parents take the time to freeze this in their minds forever? Do they know just how significant this is?
I hear the bus approaching, but cannot see it through the stand of pine and cedar trees. I imagine the parents waving when I hear the bus motor pitch rising as it drives away. Did they snap a picture of their child waving back through the bus window? Did they not leave the bus stop until the bus was fully out of sight?
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I was completely caught up in the wonderment until I see parents emerge from behind the stand of trees. All of the sudden the day seemed too damn bright… the curtain was pulled from my mind and I stepped back into reality.
Funny, I don’t remember at what point my smile turned to tears.
sally ellis says
As always you cut to the core and make us all take stock of what we have. Thanks. Still here and not going anywhere.
I thank God for the ability you have to be able to share the raw emotion of what you are going through in a way that compels us to look at our lives differently each and every day. You have given us a gift each day, by your willingness to share your deepest pain, that enables us to get a bigger picture that life is beyond what is right in front of us at the moment; the busy work that never amounts to anything, but the love that is shared with the ones we love and the ones that need our love.
Thanks for reminding us to enjoy the little things in life..
Ann H Tearle says
Oh, Ken–there just are no words in our language to console you…just know that we are all here, SHSP, now and for always. We cry with you…..and continue prayers for Ryan’s recovery and for you to have the stength and comfort you need to keep on keeping on.Annie
Ms. Blasé says
Thank you for reminding us to value the extraordinary in things which seem ordinary and to treasure the gifts of every day moments.
“The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.”
-Alice Morse Earle
You write from the heart…………….and it touches all of our hearts.
Your pen is like a gilded sword etching words of wisdom, insight and the entire range of human emotions upon our souls. Keep telling us what’s in your heart so we can keep learning more about the most valuable parts of life.
Sending you love, hugs and the knowledge that your willingness to share your thoughts makes a meaningful difference in the lives of many people…Paula
Wish there was something I could do…. Try to keep your head up.
Also…. “a code word for boobs”…lol …classic ken
Still here, remembering… …Love
Gail Doyle says
Ken and Sue, My heart aches for you both,Remembering all the happy times (Even good memories )can be sad now. But thankfully you do have many happy memories and in time there will be new ones. Ryan looks like he’s getting stronger each day and one day his mind will too .Praying for that day to be soon. Stay strong and keep up all the good work . Thinking of you all,especially Ryan…He will always be relevant……Gail