I spent these past two weeks looking back into history. I allowed myself to go back 25 years to my wedding. I reluctantly went back just one year ago when the days were rough and never seemed as though they would end. I spent time mourning the lose of family vacations. Yes, it was hard to reflect on these. Somehow, I just felt it was necessary. I’m not even sure why. It might have been a mistake to do this.
I learned — the hard way — that looking back in despair will continue to pull a person in to an emotional cyclone. A force that gains strength from my heartache. A whirlwind that picks me up and tosses me around, while debris from the past whizzes by and slams into me. It’s painful. It’s dizzying. It’s sickening. Wonderful times hurt just the same as sad times.
I decided I would begin “living in the moment” again today. I intend to stay in the here-and-now as much as I can. It’s the safest way for me to exist, really. Hey, I know it’s a mirage. A figment — or as Sue and I say in our marriage-speak, a fig newton — of my imagination. I simply cannot afford to spiral into a deep, sustained depression. Best just to teeter on the edge for now.
My thanks to all of you who, not only put up with me these past days but, saw me through. I know, I know… I was a real buzz-kill.
But… I’m good now.
Well, as “good” as I can be, given the situation.
Ms. Blasé says
Reflection often helps us to make sense of the past so that we can move ahead into our future with a greater sense of knowledge, experience and appreciation. That said, I’m really glad to hear that you’re feeling better.
John Maletta says
Hey! We used to use that fig newton term back at Forest Manor dormitory!
Be at Peace and know that you are loved.
Still here and thinking about Ryan, always…love to all of you!
History repeats itself, happy times are ahead somewhere, sometime. Keep on trucking…..
Jane Martellino says
You’re real and you’re honest. Processing what you can is healthy.
We all only have this moment in time. No guarantee of anything more than that on this earth. So, you are so right to stay in the moment.
Good news is that eternity will be perfection and wholeness. The time we spend together here is just a drop in the bucket compared to the time we will spend with our loved ones in eternity in that perfect state of wholeness. So, stay in the moment for now and trust that the best is yet to come.
Thanks for staying real, Ken. Everyone needs their own little (or big) pity party once in a while. We’re your friends and we understand. It’s a reminder for all of us how we came to be here. I, for one (I’m sure there are many other) are looking forward to more updates on Ryan’s daily activities. It may seem very routine to you, but we like the updates. A new short video now and then is good, too. (hint, hint)
I hope all of you are enjoying the nice days we’ve had lately, because the heat & humidity are coming back very quickly.
Hugs to all of you, especially Ryan.
Gail Doyle says
Ken. We are with you at all times ,whether you are remembering or looking back in time ,but so glad to hear you are trying to stay in the present ..You have helped Ryan SO MUCH on his road to healing and now only that matters. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all and waiting for Ryan to get better..Your thoughts and feelings and the way you express them are truly amazing ..Stay Strong. Love Gail
Vicky Scott says
Glad you are back. Read everyday and pray, but nothing profound and pithy to say that I think will help because you have to walk through the process in your own way. Thankfully, you understand what is happening and know in which direction you need to go for your sake, for Ryan’s and your family, and quite frankly, for those who are reading in similar situations and also need hope.
You’ve just been honest — it’s heart wrenching to read, but — if you didn’t tell the truth, you wouldn’t be the person you are — real.
Thanks for keeping it real, and we’re with you and your family no matter where the road leads. Cuz we love ya!!
Still here, not going anywhere!!
Hope today is a smooth one for you dear Ken and family.
Love & hugs, Paula
The Colangelis says
Any anniversary of a terrible event is tough on anyone. I’m thankful you have gotten through these past days and I thank God Ryan is proving the doctor’s wrong. We continue our prayers for Ryan and his family and I believe God is helping Ryan.
Jo Hobbs says
Oh, happy day for prayers answered! My intuition told me that I was going to hear good news today, and here it is!Those bad memories are always there, but don’t let them move in with you! The good memories are the ones we want to welcome and keep. Look at photos, videos, remember the good times and talk about them with family and friends (that’s us, too). Still here with faith, hope and love for all, especially Ryan. Prayers
As I’ve said so many times before. Your strength amazes me. Visiting the past, and dealing with it in a healthy manner, makes us stronger. Good morning Ken, good morning Sue, good morning Ryan! New day…fresh start…ready….Let’s go!!!!
Love, prayers and peace to you.