This past Saturday Sue and Kari attended the wedding of our nephew. We were all invited, but there was no way that we would leave Ryan. So I stayed with him. It just made sense since it was Sue’s side of the family.
All day Sue was calling me. She would tell me how beautiful the bride was. How fun the reception was. The mountains of delicious food. How Kari was having a great time. The texts went on and on. I was happy they were enjoying themselves.
In the following screenshot from my phone, you’ll see that Sue sent me a text at 7:59 PM. This simple text was like the ground opening up beneath my feet. Reality… oh, how I hate you. Why do you have to treat our family this way?
I fell in to the watery abyss of despair and anger, filled over the days by countless tears. You know, once in the chasm there is really nothing I can do to crawl out. It just have to ride it out until I’m spit out the other end… a little different of a person then when I went in. I realized this is something that Sue and Ryan might never experience. Happy fuddruckin’ birthday to me, courtesy of those two thugs Vantrease and May.
Allow me to fill in the gap between 7:59 PM and 9:11 PM. I was with Ryan in his room, my tears just below the surface. I could feel them swell. Swallowing hard, for whatever reason, made them temporarily recede. I battled the urge to just let go. Allow the emotion to
pour erupt out of me. The type of cry that makes my body tremble, my breathing labored, and my head drop. The cry of despair and hopelessness.
Meanwhile, some 300 miles away in a reception hall in western Pennsylvania, Sue lost the battle. She broke down at the reception. It was 9:10 PM.
At 9:12 PM, I closed my test app and quietly walked into the basement. I lost the battle too.