This past Saturday Sue and Kari attended the wedding of our nephew. We were all invited, but there was no way that we would leave Ryan. So I stayed with him. It just made sense since it was Sue’s side of the family.
All day Sue was calling me. She would tell me how beautiful the bride was. How fun the reception was. The mountains of delicious food. How Kari was having a great time. The texts went on and on. I was happy they were enjoying themselves.
In the following screenshot from my phone, you’ll see that Sue sent me a text at 7:59 PM. This simple text was like the ground opening up beneath my feet. Reality… oh, how I hate you. Why do you have to treat our family this way?
I fell in to the watery abyss of despair and anger, filled over the days by countless tears. You know, once in the chasm there is really nothing I can do to crawl out. It just have to ride it out until I’m spit out the other end… a little different of a person then when I went in. I realized this is something that Sue and Ryan might never experience. Happy fuddruckin’ birthday to me, courtesy of those two thugs Vantrease and May.
Allow me to fill in the gap between 7:59 PM and 9:11 PM. I was with Ryan in his room, my tears just below the surface. I could feel them swell. Swallowing hard, for whatever reason, made them temporarily recede. I battled the urge to just let go. Allow the emotion to pour erupt out of me. The type of cry that makes my body tremble, my breathing labored, and my head drop. The cry of despair and hopelessness.
Meanwhile, some 300 miles away in a reception hall in western Pennsylvania, Sue lost the battle. She broke down at the reception. It was 9:10 PM.
At 9:12 PM, I closed my test app and quietly walked into the basement. I lost the battle too.
This is beyond anguish. And even though I can’t imagine the depths of this kind of agony, I will say that (in spite of the evil that was done to Ryan) I’m still holding out hope that he and Sue will enjoy their own mother-son dance one day.
[sigh] 🙁
You are a beautiful family…we love you and will be here with you always…through thick and thin or the highs and lows. Praying for you to see this through to Ryan’s healing. Not giving up on Ryan… or on you!
Love, Peggie
I am so very, very sorry. Still here and will stay here.
ken and Sue, i don’t know you or your family, and you do not know me, but I have been reading your post daily. Please always know that we will not go away and we will not stop praying for your entire family. You are amazing people and i can’t imagine what you are going through. Having children of my own, I always wonder how I would handle what you are going through. PLEASE STAY STRONG, Ryan needs you and I truelly believe he will awake someday soon. I had a family member that was in a coma for months on end and finally awoke. he now has a wife and a family, so continue to believe in GOD and your faith that things will work out someday soon. Do me a favor and continue to post your frustrations towards the 2 young men that did this to your son. I hope it makes you feel better, I know I would not have the power to hold back either and would probably be in the cell next to them, becuase I WOULD get revenge on those 2 thugs. Sorry but it just me, and I have been feeling your pain for months reading these blogs and post, and have just now felt the need to let you know there are probably thousands like me out there that really care about you and your family. Keep up the good work, you are a GREAT MOM and DAD.
I am glad you are able to talk and not hold your feelings in and allow youself to cry. You are the BEST DAD in the world!
Love ya man. Happy fruggn birthday!
Hi Ken,
You don’t know me, but I certainly *feel* like I know you. I learned of Ryan’s story about a month ago and have been consistently checking-in via this website nearly every day since. You and your family are incredible. Allow yourself the lows (you’re human), but know that there are great highs to come!
A friend of mine from high school suffered a traumatic brain injury a few years back, and early on things did not look promising. But she is now walking and talking and improving more and more every day. I know you don’t need me to tell you, but keep up that strength and resolve that you display so often in your posts. When I watch the videos you share, I think about Ryan looking back on them someday and seeing all you did for him with such love and graciousness.
Still here…even though I just got here. 🙂
Dear Ken, what an exquisite husband you are — and father and friend as well. One of the many things I respect about you is your willingness to tell the truth. Also — your heart — it’s so big and full of love for your family and friends.
What a consolation it is to know Ryan is in the very best of hands.
And at the end of the day, when all our efforts have been expended — when we are emotionally and physically drained… and sometimes, for me at least, feeling absolutely lost, there is God…Who was here before us, is with us now, and will be with us when we complete our time in this world. He is here.
Praying for comfort for you, Sue, Kari, Ryan and all of our aching souls, and for hope.
Ryan is a precious young man, he is a joy to know, and I hope his friends from high school and college make it a point to visit him this summer and during the holidays. I may not know much, but I know Ryans hears all we say.
Imagine how much “hello” from an old friend means to him.
Sending love and hugs to a family I am honored to know. Ryan, Ken, Kari and Sue — we love you.
Thank you, God, for the beauty and love of the Diviney family.
SHSP
Paula
Paula,
I like that adjective, exquisite, to describe the Kenster!
It is a rarely used word, and usually used to describe jewelry. Could it be that Ken is a precious jewel, not only in the site of his family and friends, but in the eyes of the Lord? YES!
Indeed Vicky, indeed!
I only look like a jewel. Actually, I’m the cubic zirconia of men.
But you are the Hope Diamond to Ryan. This is a tremendous cross the carry, but we’re here to help you carry the load. Know that you and your family are loved. Better days are coming, my friend.
Sorry, Ken gave you a thumbs down on your comment. You are truly a priceless gem, and we all have learned from you! A diamond in the scrubs/rough! LOL
I love that!
A diamond in the scrubs!
Priceless!
That is an awesome description of Ken!!
Still here, every single day.
Please someone print this off and send it to the May and Vantrease families!
This is one of the hardest posts for me personally to read, not sure about anyone else. God bless the Diviney family!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Jeremiah 29:11. SHSP, NGA
Swallowing didn’t work for me today–tears won like they do sometimes when reading your blog. Tears don’t change anything, but if we don’t let them happen, we feel as if we will burst. They are doing what they are meant for–relief. Weddings are tough; baptisms are worse, I think. Thinking and praying for all of you today Love
Here and praying
Ken, Just letting you know we are all here for you and Sue and always praying for Ryan to heal. Love to you all Gail
Wrapping you all in prayer today… And there is no shame in expressing the depth of your grief. Ryan’s reality — your family’s reality — is certainly not fair. I pray that you and Sue and Kari will feel everyone’s love and comfort, and that Ryan will rebound and show new signs of healing today. God is with you!
What words can anyone say to this unbelievable amount of grief and loss? My heart goes out to you, Sue and Kari and especially Ryan. Lots of love and hugs to you all.