I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard our situation described as “It’s a marathon, not a sprint”. True, it is a marathon. No doubt about that. It’s a marathon that really has no finish line. You just keep running and hope it’s not always uphill. You wish for a decline somewhere along the line. You never look up to see what lies ahead, or the landscape you see outstretched all the way to the horizon might just make you quit. Maybe even worse would be discovering that we’ve been running in a circle the whole time.
Now, I’m here to tell you… it is ALSO a sprint. Please hear me out on this one. Life, I learned, doesn’t always fit neatly into an sports analogy (to my dismay). It’s not categorized into events. Unless, maybe we are talking about Extreme Sports.
Image by Getty Images via @daylife
There is no such concept as pacing ourselves. Mainly because the pace is dictated by factors outside of our control. For me, at least, I came out of the starting blocks wide-open and have not broken stride in over a year-and-a-half. I run through the physical and emotional pain. I can clearly see and feel the toll it is taking on me. I’m not at all happy about it at all.
Still, it doesn’t change anything. Like most parents (I hope), I will not slow down, let alone stop, until I collapse. I will need carried away. My only concern is that I can hang in there long enough to see my family through this completely avoidable tragedy. There is no one to hand-off the baton.
Oh, and this marathon-sprint is also an obstacle course. There are hurdles and stumbling blocks littering the path. It feels like some families and agencies are throwing stones at me as I navigate through.
Sometimes I hear these rocks whiz past.
Gail Doyle says
May 24, 2011 at 4:17 PMKen, Sprint, marathon,or race ,whatever YOU WILL WIN!!!!!! and so will Ryan Sue and Kari.. -Always here praying and rooting you on .Health and love to you all. SHSP. Love Gail
Jen says
May 24, 2011 at 3:29 PMTeam Diviney, (ok, this is for Ken and Sue)
When Morgan and I had the pleasure of spending time with you on Sunday, we felt so honored. She had heard me talk about Ryan for so long, that she realized this was not just a “phase” for me but a passion to help your family. She shared with me the excitment of hold his hand and watching him move his thumb.
While all the “adults” were talking, she was talking to Ryan. She said to him “Ryan, I know you are in there, I know you want to say something to me.” At that point he turned his head completely towards her. The only time she stopped was her sadness had come over her and she was trying not to cry.
She asked me this morning if I go over every Sunday. I told her as long as I was welcome I would visit. Her answer, “ok, I am going to start going with you.” Ryan has not left her mind since.
Ken, I would love to help you anyway that I can. Is there a class I could take, or learn hands on with you, how to take care of him so that you can sleep or have a night out with your beautiful Sue?
I understand if the thought of that makes you nervous. I do believe though that you will burn out if you shoulder the burden by yourself. Please let me know if you are open to this idea. All my love~Jen
Katie says
May 24, 2011 at 1:16 PMI know the feeling! You just keep running and running and running! More like a cross country race to me!
The unknown sucks! I am a nurse and we have always had “time lines” to give my patients to when they should be feeling better, recovered or just “you will need 6 wks of therapy and then you will be good!” When Ben had his TBI we didn’t get any of that and nor did you! Super frustrating! What I do know is we will continue to run, sprint, jog and hopefully at some point be able to walk!
You inspire me, encourage me and help me to understand many things in the journey that we face!
Blessings!
Katie
Jo Hobbs says
May 25, 2011 at 7:38 AMI visited your blog this morning for the first time, Katie. I will pray for Ben.
Jo Hobbs says
May 24, 2011 at 1:00 PMBy his truth I can be upright
By his strength I do endure
By His power I’ve been lifted
In His love I am secure Bob Dylan, 1978. Bob is 70 today
Still here. Love
Paula says
May 24, 2011 at 3:37 PMFrom one of my all time favorite (Dylan) songs…
“And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keeping on like a bird that flew
Tangled up in blue.”
thanks for making me think of this Jo! <3
Jo Hobbs says
May 25, 2011 at 7:32 AMLike it says in “Footprints in the Sand,” He picks us up when we can’t carry on.
Gloria says
May 24, 2011 at 12:52 PMKen, although we try desperately to support you, you’re the one with the sleepness nights. You’re the one with the tired legs, arms and sore back. You’re the one that wakes up every couple of hours to check and make sure that Ryan is ok. We can support you but unfortunately we can’t run the race, marathon or make it over the hurdles, only you can do that.
Carla Liberty says
May 24, 2011 at 12:27 PMMeg, I loved what you said. “You are so blessed, even the times you don’t feel it.” This is so true. Ken/Kari/Sue/Ryan, the community that surrounds and lifts your family up considers it a great honor to do so. When those hurdles cause stumbling, we will pick you up by the bootstraps so that you can finish the race. And like God, we will never leave or forsake you. Know that you are always on our hearts. Love, carla <3
Meg says
May 24, 2011 at 11:09 AMActually, in response to Diane, yes there are many fans cheering you on Ken, but I can clearly see that there have been so many fans running along beside you the entire time, helping you along the way. It is so apparent that there is a community here and at WVU doing so many other things so that the race can be run – by you, Sue, Kari, and Ryan himself. You are so blessed Ken – even the times you don’t feel it.
Paula says
May 24, 2011 at 10:43 AMHello Ken, that last paragraph is a big “ouch!” because it’s completely unacceptable that any person or agency should add to your pain in any way. I hope you let us know if/when something/someone is giving you any trouble (other than the usual suspects).
Thank God for you, that you are strong and smart and know how to take care of Ryan. The thing is, even if you were a zillionaire or one of us was one, there still isn’t anyone who could be hired that could do a better job than you. Though — there are some things I imagine others could do to at least assist — ?
I don’t think it’s going to just be a big circle, even though it must often feel that way, because the work is so grueling. Ryan is changing. Usually a few weeks go by before I see him, then when I do, I can see how good he looks. The tremendous work you are doing to help Ryan recover is definitely showing. You are doing a wonderful, wonderful job helping Ryan, both medically, and of course, as his Dad. Thank God you are you; thank God for Dads like you.
I can’t wait for the patio to be built so you guys can get some fresh air and sun on your faces. Need some very comfortable chairs, maybe even a recliner so you can put your dogs up and relax once in a while. Speaking of dogs, Duke gets a chair too since he sits at the table with everyone else lol.
Dianne is right — the sun rises and sets with a large number of us thinking about, worrying about, and praying for you, Ryan, Sue and Kari. I know you never imagined you’d ever be shepherding your family through an ordeal such as this. Remember we are here…you are stuck with us lol but we’re going to help you however we can. You and your family are so important to us; we admire, respect, love and care about each one of you.
Sending prayers and love, and many, many hugs of the bear variety. Paula
Rita says
May 24, 2011 at 9:03 AMEven though very few of us can truly know what it’s like to be in your shoes, many of us feel the pain of your constant challenges as a family on at least some level. Our hearts are full of love and compassion for you, and that’s why we keep showing up here. We wish we could provide some sort of relief for you… We lift up Ryan and all of you in prayer every day. Please know that your supporters far outnumber your “stoners” and would do anything to help you overcome all those hurdles. Sending extra love and prayers today <3
Morgan says
May 24, 2011 at 9:01 AMI think that the unknown is often the worst part. You wonder, is this going anywhere? Am I doing the right thing? Will it EVER get better?
Unfortunately, there is not an answer to these questions anywhere but in your heart. As Ryan’s parent and one of the people that loves him most in this world, your heart is the answer for him.
I don’t know if I am making too much sense, but that is what I have taken away from my experience.
Much love to you, Sue, Kari, and your wonderful Ryan, always…
Morgan
Dianne says
May 24, 2011 at 8:56 AM… and you have a stadium full of cheering fans to root you on to victory! The sun rises and sets on the stadium and we’re all still there — we’re not going anywhere!!
Cass says
May 24, 2011 at 11:03 PMWell said, Dianne!