I already feel myself starting to sink. The eighteen-month anniversary of Ryan’s brutal beating, inflicted by Jonathan May and Austin Vantrease, arrives within hours. Not that I should be surprised, this feeling has been building since one day after the seventeenth month. It’s like a slow drain; I cannot empty the emotions fast enough to overcome the influx. For me, tomorrow is NOT just another day. It’s a monumental marker put right in front of my face. A reminder of what was lost. It is a testament to the endless days and nights to follow.
Eighteen months! They have rolled together so that I have difficulty sequencing events. In many ways, it has simply been an eternally long day. November 9, 2009 might never end for this family.
I often wonder how we would have made it this far without the support and love that constantly surrounds us. I have drawn on this so many times to get me past a rough moment. Those times when hatred erupts to the surface. Times when the heartache is felt in every cell of the body. Times of hopelessness and despair. Times when the physical exhaustion is so extensive that it brings pain.
Faces of those who protect us pop up in my mind… it brings comfort and solace.
And then, it’s all played over again. Over and over. Without ending. Without a break.
Jean koch says
I have followed your story on the Grace prayer list and lift you all in prayer each day for healing and hope and continued strength.
Jane Martellino says
Ken, Sue, Ryan, and Kari,
Still here. Still praying.
May you experience an unlimited amount of love from countless numbers of people today.
We are here for you and Sue, Ryan and Kari. And always be.
Jo Colleran says
Still here. Still praying for all of you.
Ms. Blasé says
Sometimes standing strong means leaning on others for support. Thankfully, you’ve got a lot of hands and hearts around you willing to share your family’s burden. If not there with you physically, we’ll be surrounding you in prayer. May you find comfort in knowing that you’re never alone and continue on as you have with unflinching courage… one moment, one day, one step at a time.
John Maletta says
Nothing more can really be said, other than we love you and we are still here, trying to help out in any way we can.
Gail Doyle says
Dear Ken,Thoughts and prayers for your family.Until Ryan gets better, these feelings of hatred and depression ,I know won’t go away.So I do hope knowing we are all here for the Divineys and Ryan will help just a bit..May God bless you all.SHSP. Gail
I would imagine the pain of the 18th month would be excruciating.
Kari being home would hopefully allows a distraction to the pain. Please know that the Prayer Warriors will always be here for you.
We lift your family to God every single day. Our role I believe is to provide prayer for your family. We also love to visit you, Sue and “our boy” Ryan. Thank you for allowing us the honor to be a part of Ryan’s healing process. Much Love~ Jen XXOOXXOO
Somehow I think that tomorrow will be made a little bit better by having Kari (sunshine) at home. Love you guys. I feel the same way about the 18th, and people keep telling me it will be easier, but somehow the only thing that makes it any easier is not to try to be okay with it. May has 31 days so that gives you more more day until the next 7th. My guess is Brian and the basement will be a welcome distraction. <3 RKD
That Precious, Terrible and Monumental Burden you have!
Because I had a very similar “Task” with my Mom, for over 365 days, I KNOW what you are going through….therefore, I sigh…and I am once again, speechless.
Oh how it hurts to read this. Your suffering — the suffering of your whole family — is never lost on us; that is why we must be here, to help tend to wounds of indescribable agony, and soothe your broken hearts as best we can. All that has been taken from you and your beautiful family, there is too much to count. On behalf of many, I must thank you, Sue, Kari and Ryan for allowing us to become a part of your lives. I know it’s not easy; each of you has had your entire world turned upside down. Often I stand back and marvel at your strength, though the pain is always palpable. Your ability and determination to shoulder this tragedy on behalf of your family is … breathtaking. The love, courage and perseverence I have witnessed in you, Sue, Kari and Ryan is something I contemplate daily. Ken, somehow, I hope you can feel the embrace of the hundreds of people who love you and care about you and your family. Many of us have come to know Kari and Sue, and they are so dear to us. And your son — Ryan — where do I begin to tell you how deeply he affects us, how often we pray for him, and the love one feels just sitting holding his hand. He emanates love!! I wish everyone could have the blessing of meeting you, Sue, Kari and Ryan. I know this life is not the one you ever imagined for you and your family…and yet, through all that has been lost, the blessing each one of you has become to so many people is far reaching. I’m sure its not lost on you that a lot of people are depending on you — observing how you solve problems, watching how you face the most frightening of scenarios, and always learning from you. I’m so sorry you have been forced into this position, and yet — you are a masterful teacher and you are helping people. Please allow us to give back where we can, and tell us how we can support you. I’ll leave you with some lyrics that sum up the feelings of many souls on Team Diviney, and add that prayers are being lifted up for Ryan, you, Sue and Kari morning, noon and night…every day….
“The long and winding road that leads to your door
Will never disappear.
I’ve seen that road before,
It always leads me here,
leads me your door”
Thank you for letting us into your lives, it is a joy for us to help, never a burden.
Jo Hobbs says
Still here, always and forever with the endless hope and love of the many, many of us who truly care. Always thinking of you.
Still Here Ken!
Just don’t try to visualize my mug. You are in enough pain already!
More good news on the basement…I’ll update you over the weekend.
You rock Bryan!