It’s amazing how hindsight adds clarity. It did just that with the nursing crisis facing Ryan (but quickly working toward resolution). For my part, I’m sorry I didn’t approach this differently. I overcomplicated this of drawing a line in the sand, digging in my heels, and using this website to express my outrage. I injected too much venom into my posts. Sure, I was exhausted but this in no excuse whatsoever for so quickly calling people out. I would have been better served by doing just what Sue did. Namely, picking-up the phone and handling the situation without finger-pointing.
You see, assigning blame interfered with achieving what was in the best interest of Ryan and this is never the way it should happen. I’m really disappointed in myself for behaving as what I was frustrated about; not communicating effectively. I cringe at how much would was avoidable with a little diplomacy. I am sorry for not finding a better approach and to those who feel I was insensitive to their feelings.
Yes, in one simple phone call to the Regional Director, Sue was able to keep the nurse we love for up to four nights a week. She was able to have the nursing agency begin actively recruiting to fill the remaining shifts. She patched up the relationship. She re-established the lines of communication. She returned focus to doing the right thing by Ryan. Simply stated, she fixed it all. Make no mistake about it, this is a public acknowledgement that I was wrong (and she was right).
There’s a valuable lesson in this for me. Instead lowering my head and plowing through like a steamroller, sometimes it’s more effective to step to the side so the destination becomes visible again. Or as Sue did, and better yet, find a way to integrate it into the overall purpose so all are moving in harmony in the same direction.
Lori Cadmus says
As a nurse, I have had the privilege of meeting incredible parents, having done pediatric home care for over 10 years. Sadly, I also met many nurses who were in home care thinking it was an “easy” way to make money and it was just a job to them. Most parents decided they would prefer to do it themselves rather than count on a nurse who often did not show up, slept on the job, didn’t really care or was simply incompetent. Home care requires a nurse to develop a bond with the parents, to respect their home, their child and their concerns. It is a unique area of nursing that is, for those of us who care to do it well, incredibly rewarding. I have learned so much about the power of love in the healing process and have seen miracles happen, and I have been so blessed by the families who have allowed me into their homes and have trusted me with the care of their precious children. It is my prayer for you Ken, that you will let go of all the harm caused by the nurse who let you down, she is not worth your time and energy. It is my prayer for the agency to find a few amazing nurses who will respectfully enter your home and with skill and commitment care for Ryan, just as the one nurse you have does. It is always my prayer for Ryan that he will be well, healed and restored. I daily read the blog, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you.
So very happy that Sue negotiated this into a Win–Win settlement. I completely understand your reaction to the nurse quitting — I think we all can.
So happy Ryan’s nurse will be with him 4 nights a week. I know he and all of you are, too. Why don’t you celebrate with something bubbly or a lemonade at least.
Thank you for letting us know how the situation is resolved, or almost anyway. 🙂 Love and prayers for a great weekend!
I am so glad things worked out. I continue to pray for Ryan and his family.
Jill in Morgantown says
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s COMPLETELY understandable how you would be upset at the situation. Like others have commented, that’s why you and Sue are such a great team. You 2 are AWESOME parents. Ryan is so lucky to have a wonderful family like yours. SHSP in Morgantown
YOU GO GIRL…..
What a blessing that the nurse you guys love is securely “locked in” for four days a week! Just out of curiosity, did you apologize to the nurse who resigned and to the agency? That always does a lot to heal relationships. I know it does after I pop off at people!
I know your faith and beliefs aren’t want they used to be, but I’m pretty sure God gave you Sue for a good reason. <3
I’m behind both you and Sue 100%. Please don’t be too hard on yourself — you work very hard every day to make sure Ryan is being taken of — you don’t get enough sleep — you have little in the way of freedom — you don’t get to spend much time with family and friends — need I go on? Health professionals need to bear these facts in mind, and show compassion and understanding. You and your family deserve this, along with respect and kindness.
I thought companies were suppposed to work hard to meet the needs of their clients and customers? I am praying that our society becomes more resourceful and innovative in terms of how to educate health care professionals to handle the enormous need for skilled healthcare.
To all who are reading this, don’t think you are immune to this problem. Someday you will be dealing with how to help a family member, friend or loved one — and who knows, someday it may be you who needs the help. Would you like to be at the mercy of health care agencies who might/might not help you depending on how nice you treat them? As it stands right now, there is simply not enough supply to meet the demand, and it’s going to get far worse in the very near future. If you aren’t concerned, you should be.
Ken, I have the utmost admiration for you and all you sacrifice to take such good care of Ryan. Maybe you didn’t handle this situation in the way you feel you should have — but by golly, the only thing in your mind and in your heart was how to help and protect your son. When it comes to protecting our children and family members, our hearts rule.
Love, hope and prayers for better days ahead
Natalie Polzin says
We love you Ken! And to Sue I say, “what a woman!”. So glad to hear the situation is resolved.
Gail Doyle says
Ken,So thankful nursing situation is solved and there is not much more to say that wasn’t said in the wonderful comments above.You only did what,I think,any of us would have in the same situation. Thank goodness you and Sue are a great team and only want the best for Ryan.Hoping you all have a peaceful day.Say hello to Ryan from me.STAY STRONG! Love Gail
Here’s my two cents…it is very difficult for you to be objective. You are in too deep, you are barely keeping your head above water. You just can not deal with any more on your plate. Most people would have done the exact same thing in your situation. Give yourself a break- you do your part of the job with Ryan without flaw, and Sue does hers, and that is why you both are an awesome team and the RIGHT parents for Ryan. And that is also why he will get through this..
I admire your strength and honesty.
You took the words out of my mouth, Keri… Ken and Sue make the absolute perfect team to care and advocate for Ryan. God sure knew what He was doing when He created the Diviney family.
Keri Dezell says
When your heart and your heart are responsible for managing so many moving parts CONSISTENTLY, 24/7 it is understandable that you may “react” first and think later… especially if you’re sleep deprived. Having said that, since you’ve been “here” done that , GOD forbid there is a “next time”, this will help you to be better prepared to handle any conflicts in a more effective manner. In the meantime GOOO TEAM DIVINEY!!! This is why you and Sue make such a a great team!! You’re a good “balance” for one another and within this balance RYAN remains the priority… so you will always WIN!!
I’m so glad to hear that the nursing situation is “clearing up”. I can only imagine how much more stress that has caused your family.
With love and continued prayers for PROGRESS, STRENGTH, and GOD’s GUIDANCE,
Keri, My Frankie and Family
Keri Dezell says
oops! I need more coffee… 🙂 “When your heart and your head…”