This year, 2016, hasn’t started off well.
We kicked it off in a serious fight against a MRSA infection that had developed in Ryan. Then, a carport collapsed — under the weight of an epic snowstorm — onto (and into) Ryan’s disabled van. This left me and Ryan stranded at our family’s cabin in West Virginia for weeks.
Once we were finally able to bring Ryan home, we learned our home healthcare agency had reassigned Ryan’s nursing coverage. After spending weeks alone caring for Ryan, it was devastating. I was on the brink of something that goes beyond mere exhaustion. I was well beyond being tired, fatigued, and exhausted. I experienced a physical and mental state that I simply cannot characterize.
I felt as though I were more dead than alive. There were times when it felt like I was an observer to my life. It might be best described as an out-of-body experience, where I was watching myself execute tasks. It was like engaging some weird sort of autopilot.
The thing is, my well-being doesn’t matter one iota. Well, not when it comes to being responsible for another. This time, like untold times before, I had no say. I did what was needed… I lowered my shoulder and leaned in… all the while I just felt like crying. I kept moving toward the light at the end of the tunnel; hoping it wasn’t a train barreling down.
If nothing else, I’m a persistent bastard.
So, here I am on the other side of the tunnel! Looking back, it was dark as hell in there. Anyhow, here’s an update:
- MRSA: The infection appears to be fully defeated.
- Ryan’s Van: It is now three weeks since taken into the repair shop with over $10,000 in damage. There has been no update when it will be ready. The original expectation was six to eight weeks (early April).
- Temporary Transportation: A longtime reader and supporter — who I only knew through social media and never met personally — came to Ryan’s rescue to get him home. Despite his hesitation to be named, I’m doing it anyhow. Tim Ernandes and his friend donated a disabled van. They told us it is not only to get Ryan home in, but to use until Ryan’s van is repaired. Amazing! It reminds me that there is no way I could get through this life without people like Tim. I’m eternally grateful to everyone who has lifted Ryan and my family up!
- Cabin/Carport: I’m planning on heading back to the cabin this weekend by myself to dismantle the dilapidated carport. If I can do this without running into a snag then I’d like to spend a few hours enjoying the mountains on an ATV; with my fishing rod and rifle in tow. The weather is shaping up to be warm (low-60’s) for the mountains of West Virginia!
- Nursing: It was unbearably tough without coverage. I slide a mattress into Ryan’s room to doze off on from time-to-time, but that was the best I could do. I feel (mostly) confident this is resolved for the remainder of February.
Hopefully the next dark tunnel is far in the distance…