I still don’t know how it happened — or even where it was happening — but the coding was stuck in an infinite loop. My only feasible option was to hit the reset button to the time of my last backup.
Throughout the day I couldn’t help applying this website problem to myself and Ryan. We are, without a doubt, stuck in an infinite loop. Sadly, ours is without the option to reinstall to a earlier time. It can never be fixed that easily. Truth is, it’s likely impossible to break free of it. It’s the way it is… and will be.
I suppose the past week, with the four-year anniversary of the brutal attack, has hit me hard. I just can’t seem to get out of this funk. I’m (even more) sad all the time. I find it hard to do even the basic things in a day. Sure, I do these things, but it’s just so damned challenging.
Even writing this post is difficult. I haven’t even responded to all the emails people sent. Oh, how I wish I could shut myself away from the pain. Just curl-up under a comfy blanket and stick a pillow around my head to block out the world. I know I’m in a dark place right now. I’m severely depressed. The “good thing” is, I know where I am because I’ve been here before… on more than a few occasions. I know what I need to do.
I will never give up, even when the darkness seems to be a deeper shade than complete blackness.