Lately it’s been a bit difficult to write. I’m not really sure why either, other than I now realize this as a symptom of a larger issue. Yes, I have a lot on my mind and I’m tired as hell but that’s really no different from the past 49 months, is it? It the epitome of having too much on the plate. Problem is, I’m just not hungry.
I think I figured it out though.
There are times when something comes along and sweeps my feet out from under me. There’s no mistaking that I have hit the ground… hard. Since these are easily recognizable I am able to demand of myself to get my ass back up and keep on plugging. Then there are other times — like now, I think — when the ground erodes from underneath my feet. The wearing away is just so damned slow that I don’t feel it as it’s happening.
The difference is now I must climb out and this is more difficult.
Haven’t we all experienced this? You bet! Usually it’s by our own doing too. For those who lived through the 1980’s, it’s no different from charging repeatedly to a credit card, making the minimum payment, then seeing we’re over our heads when it’ declined. It’s that “holy crap” moment. For the youngsters, it’s putting off schoolwork to spend time on social media then realizing the due date for a project is tomorrow. Can I get a “holy crap”, Bestie? Sadly, all debt eventually comes due.
For me, I ran up quite the sleep deficit. It’s due… with interest. Last weekend I spent a lot of time with my pillow. I was like a junkie trying to find my next fix. In my case, a nap. Next to taking care of Ryan, it was all I could think about! My body was screaming at me to rest, or pay the consequences. Well, I did the best I could to listen but not nearly anywhere close to what is needed. Hopefully it’s enough to sustain me for a while.