One final, but quite important, item before I shift my focus away from last week’s parole hearing. Thank you! The letters you wrote, on behalf of Ryan, made a huge impression on the Parole Board. My heart swelled at the sight of these, as the Board Member held the stack above his head. It practically exploded when I hear this is the probably the most ever received from the community. It was such an unselfish act of kindness from so many. A cry for justice. Good standing up to evil. A heartfelt action.
It meant everything.
Nothing I can say will ever come close to expressing how deeply touched I am. Nothing! It’s humbling to know I will always fall miserably short in matching your kindness and generosity. There is no reciprocation for that which is priceless. I can never repay you. I almost feel silly trying, but I must let you know how much it means to me.
Whatever Ryan has needed, you have provided. This all started the very first day. Beginning on that tragic morning when we needed you, but didn’t even realize it. You refused to listen to me early on, when I thought I could handle this on my own. Thank you for doubting me. Thank you for giving space, not leaving, and coming to the rescue. You allowed me time to figure it out. You were so, so right… I needed you to help take care of my son. I need you today. I need you for every tomorrow.
You give comfort to Ryan and my family. Every night when he lays his precious head down I know his life is better because of you. He might not know this, but he can feel it in the comfort. When I kiss his forehead each night before we quiet the house, it is you I’m kissing Ryan for… and I wonder if you are thinking of him too.
This is sappy, I know, but it’s worth the risk in telling you how I feel.
How many nights have I sat with my head in my hands, in complete grief and deep despair, and leaned on your kindness? Every night? Yes, every night that I can remember. It never goes away. I rely on the wisdom and compassion in your comments; you should know how much they mean to me. At night I often look up, with the room barely lit, and see the silhouettes of so many belongings that were given and know people care. They continue to care. What would we have done without you?
My boy remains relevant.
Sometimes I fool myself into thinking you are here because of me. I have a big ego at times, but not nearly as it use to be. Truth is, you are here because of Ryan and I am here because of you. You take the time to listen to me, even when I’m at my worst. Especially on those days when my heart is filled with hate, anger, grief, and despair. These are the days it would be justifiable to give-up or even do or say something regretful, but you pull me from my own emotional wreckage.
Some Many days I wonder why you put up with me (the same is true for Sue)? Like Ryan, I am better because of you.
I open myself up to you, and you (mostly) accept me. More than this, you embrace me. For my part to you, I write from my heart. I do my best to keep you informed on everything I can. I take you into this hell that was forced upon us, expecting to one day look up and see no one around, but you refuse to leave our side. Hell be damned! Oh yes, some have left along this journey but I can do without the weak. Thank you very much. They are replaced, many times over, by the strong and determined.
You know, I told my children so many times, to surround themselves with the right people. My fatherly advice to them was, “if you want to know what kind of person you are, then just look at your social group. ” (I use to say “…look at your friends”, but with the advent of Facebook and the like, “look at your social group” seemed more right). Hey, a parent needs to keep up with the times, right? True dat, Dawg!
It seems my advice applies to myself. It happened without me even knowing it. Yet, instead of me seeking you out, you circled around me. You are the right people! You attract more of the right people. The support continues growing.
Don’t doubt me on this either, the proof is in the letters to the Parole Board. We might call ourselves “Team Diviney” but it means more than just a name. We are a force to reckoned with. Woe is the person who incites our ire or outrage. Empowered is the person who earns our respect, compassion, or sympathy.
It’s humbling. I intended to write today to give my thanks and end up with more reasons why I will never come close to it, no matter how hard I try. Team Diviney is the best, because it’s made up of the best. You.